Home Alone.

hOmE aLoNe // aNsEl eLgOrT (iNtRo)

I've been a really selfish person for a lot of my life.

If there's only one Oreo left in the box, I'll eat it in a heartbeat and pretend I didn't even know we had Oreos. If I'm splitting a $10 budget with a friend for lunch, I'll try to get as much food as I can even if that means I dig into his/her half of the money. If I go to the movies with a friend, I always make it clear which movie I would like to see, just in case he/she "can't pick one out". But this is blown up when you are in a relationship. And sometimes, it isn't.                       

See, there's two types of people in these situations and you can be either one or the other. If you're at the movies and you disagree with your s/o on the movie to see and it provokes a fight, you are both speakers, constantly needing to get what you want even if you know the other wants something different. But if you tell your s/o that you wanna see a movie and she says "okay" even if she truly doesn't wanna see that, then she is a watcher. You can normally find him/her looking at you, observing every feature and appreciating it every time you're together.

They are the selfless ones. They are the ones who will put your happiness above their very own because they like to watch you smile.

I had a watcher for an entire year and treated her like absolute shit. If I said I wouldn't get drunk, my ass got drunk. If I said I wouldn't cheat, I talked to so many girls. If I said I wouldn't do something, I did it. And she watched me as close as she could. She tried to make light of her situation with me by making jokes. "The jokes prevent the tears", she would always say. But not for me.

See, I lived with her for a while and had to move out for reasons upon which I'm sure I'll explain at a later date. But when I left, we broke up and the talking stopped abruptly. I lost friends during the relationship, sticking up for the girl that I was cheating on and lying to, and I didn't have a lot of people to talk to. They were usually busy, anyways.

My mother would be somewhere with her abusive and alcoholic boyfriend. My brother and his girlfriend would either be out, working, or sleeping. And my father doesn't live with us but it's hard to hold a conversation with him longer than two minutes, in the first place.

The girl that I mistreated wrote me a note once that said "the 'what ifs' and the 'should haves' will eat your brain". I never truly understood what she meant until recently. With everyone being so busy, I was left home alone and stranded in my head, always thinking and listening to music that reminded me of her.

And that's what this is. A collection of my thoughts and the music that inspired me to think of it. I hope after reading this, I can help bring about a positive change into someone's life and add my incredible music taste to your libraries.