Lessons

Tenth Lesson: How to let go.

"It was awful!!!"
"It was not awful."
"Yes, it was." I said dramatically, pressing my forehead to his shoulder and whining a little. His body had me pinned to the bed, his arms under my body hugging me while he had his chin pressed to my chest. With dainty fingers, I tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear and brought one of my knees up so I could press my feet to the bed. "like actually mouth opened and unable to move and then, when I could finally react, I just started blabbering. Blabbering!!!"
Groaning, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, feeling the rumbles of his chuckles on his chest. It had been honestly the most embarrassing experience of my life. I had made a fool of myself in front of one of the most respected and demanding professors on campus. My last exam had gone awfully wrong and I just couldn't get over it.
"Stop being so dramatic, babe. If it went so awful, how did you pass?"
"I don't know!!! Maybe I sucked him off and I can't remember."
His eyebrows knitted immediately, a serious expression appearing on his face.
"I don't like those jokes, babe." He pouted and I giggled at how adorable he actually looked.
"How do you know it's a joke? He's kind of hot." smirking, I wriggled my eyebrows at him, his face turning even more serious. With a leg hooked around his waist, I pulled him closer to me, my lips meeting his in a slow kiss.
It was all lovely and slow until his hand came up, trailing slowly down my body until he was playing with the waistband of my jeans.
"What are you doing?" I giggled when he let a single finger run between my skin and the fabric.
"I'm just having fun." He shrugged, a mischievous half smile making me shiver.
I couldn't tear my eyes from him when he moved down, kissing softly on my neck, his fingers pushing the fabric of my sweatshirt up, until my stomach was showing and he could left small kisses all over it.
My fingers kept playing with his hair, sighing in content when he kissed my hipbones. His fingers hooked around the waistband of my jeans and pushed them down slowly. Soon, I was feeling the cold air hit my skin. He just kept his pace, leaving kisses on the skin of my inner thighs, up and down, left and right. He would get so close, I'd think he was finally doing something, but once he was mere inches away, he would pull away, kissing my stomach or legs again. If he did get close, he would only brush his lips over my clit or kiss it lightly, not paying any further attention.
Propping myself up on my elbows, I looked at him with a smile on my face. His long hair was brushing my skin with each new kiss and his eyes were closed. His lips looked so pink against my skin.
I felt tingles run down my skin the closer he got to my center, his kisses turning even softer, almost a brush over my skin.
"Harry!!" I whined, getting too impatient to feel him anywhere.
"You need to learn how to be patient, babe."
Instead of rolling my eyes, which was my intention, I stayed quiet, biting my lip and watching him continue to kiss every inch of my skin. I am not going to lie, even that simple touch was capable of making me wet.
I gasped a little too loudly when he took his hands to my boobs, squeezing them tightly before pulling the cups aside. His lips were now kissing down my hover stomach. A small moan left my lips when he played with my nipples, rolling them between his fingers.
I was almost happy with his hands on my boobs, almost resigning he wasn't going to do anything else, when his tongue started licking my lips, kissing them gently. Still, he wasn't playing any attention to my clit, as I wanted him too, and I felt myself get needier by the second.
Moving my hips a little only caused him to press his hands flat over my stomach, leaving my nipples unattended.
Finally, his tongue ran down my slit, going up slowly, barely flicking my clit before going up and down again. His hands left my hips, going back up to my boobs to squeeze them while he worked on me.
"Fuck." I muttered, letting my eyes roll a little. "Fuck."
"What were you saying about your hot professor?" He asked me, causing me to laugh. The vibrations of his deep voice sent shivers up my body.
"God, he's so hot!" I teased him had to grab the sheets between my fingers tightly, as he dove in, his cheeks hollowing from how hard he was sucking on my clit. His tongue was flicking on it, little hums coming out of his throat and the pressure added to the vibrations just managed to send me into a fit of moans.
Letting me go, he swirled his tongue over the too sensitive bud, smirking at the moans that I couldn't stop from escaping my mouth.
"Fuck, keep doing that." I said, licking my lips and grinding my hips a little, pleasure already consuming my entire body. My pulse was thumping and little black spots were starting to appear on my eyes. "Jesus."
"You like it, babe?" He asked, taking my clit between his lips again to pull on it.
Trying to wriggle again, his hands went to restrain me from moving, digging his fingers on the skin of my hips.
"Yes, please, don't stop." I pleaded. "I'm so close."
Licking on my clit, he inserted one of his fingers, immediately rubbing on my g-spot. The shudders that ran down my body where more than visible, they were fucking ridiculous. My stomach quivered, an uncontrollable movement that left me whimpering while my legs tried to close around him.
"Relax." He said, running his big hands down my stomach.
Sliding a second finger in, he kept thrusting his hands inside of my, his tongue and alternating swirling, licking and sucking on my clit. When I was incredible close, my walls clenching around his fingers, he started to curl his fingers on my g-spot, hitting it roughly each time.
"Oh, my God, Harry." My back arched, my finger gripping a little tighter on the sheets I had bunched up between them and my body tensing beyond my control. A weird pressure was starting to build in my lower body, a sudden need to release just growing bigger and bigger. "Fuck, I need to pee."
"You don't." He told me, not stopping for one second. "Relax."
"Fuck." I whimpered.
"Come on, babe, I can't wait for you too come all over me."
His hand came to press between my navel and pubic bone, adding to the pressure on my stomach.
"Stop, fuck, stop."
"You can do this. Relax, yeah? Relax for me." Taking his hands in mine, I squeezed them while I tried to please him, to relax and let him drive me completely crazy. The pressure by now was almost impossible to contain and if he didn't stop, I was sure I was going to embarrass myself in front of him.
"Let go, yeah?" He mumbled against my clit and I shook my head, biting my lip and trying to contain it. "Come on, babe. Come all over my fingers."
It was the kind of pleasure that makes every hair in your body to stand up at attention, little bumps rising all over your skin, your body tensing in an attempt to keep the feeling inside.
Releasing was almost blissful, the orgasm taking over my mind and my body completely. There was not a part of my brain that didn't feel fuzzy and overwhelmed, my body completely on fire after perhaps the most intense orgasm I had had so far. My heart was racing, almost getting out of my chest and my ears buzzed. I wasn't breathing regularly, instead I was panting and my chest was heaving.
Still, the wetness that spread on my legs and Harry's half stunned half turned on face, told me something had happened. Completely sure I had peed myself, I sat up, feeling embarrassed beyond belief.
"Oh, my God, I'm so sorry! I swear I tried to contain it." I told him embarrassed, trying to get up to got get a towel. His big hands stopped me, pushing me to the
bed again, a smirk complementing the proud expression on his face.
"You did not piss, relax." He said before kissing me on the lips with a full kiss, his mouth exploring my own while his body pinned me to the bed.
"What did...."
"You squirted, babe. And it was so fucking hot." His lips were leaving soft kisses on my neck, the action making me shiver even when he wasn't doing much. I was still much too sensitive all over my body. "Being the one that made you do that was so fucking hot."
His hand ran down my stomach, but when I felt him getting too close to my still throbbing area, I closed my legs, putting a hand on his bicep.
"Give me a minute." I told him, the smile never faltering on his face.
"Want to keep going? We can just stop if you're too tired."
"I want to keep going. I want to do something for you." I kissed him softly, feeling how my body and my slowly came back to me. "Maybe in the shower."
He kissed from my shoulders to my neck, leaving a hot trail on my clammy skin.
"I'm gonna make more jokes like that." Harry groaned, pulling my face closer, kissing me fully on the lips.
"I can live without the mental image of you with another man, thank you."
****
"No shagging on the couch." I heard Gemma say when I slowly woke up from my nap. I was pressed to Harry's chest, his hand securely wrapped around my waist to stop me from falling to the floor.
Still half asleep, I turned around, facing a smirking Gemma and a silent tv. Fishing for the TV, until I finally managed to grab it and turn the tv off. Patting Harry's leg, I smiled shyly at Gemma, who still intimidated me a little. She always had.
Groaning, Harry pressed his lips to the back of my neck, starting to leave a trail of kisses. He hadn't bothered to open his eyes and I knew where he was going, so I got up, before things got out of hands in front of his sister.
"Babe!!" He whined and I tapped lightly on his arm, trying to get him up. "Get down here." He pouted and I sighed, glancing at Gemma who was leaning on a wall, smirking to herself.
"Harry, wake up."
"I don't want to." He mumbled.
Looking at Gemma with an embarrassed smile, I tried to shake him a little, trying to wake him up, but to no avail.
"Oh, for fuck's sake." Gemma groaned, tearing herself off the wall and coming to us with long steps. I watched her as she put a finger in her mouth, sucking on it and then taking it to Harry's ear. Wincing, I heard the loud groan he let go, his hand going to cover his ear. He woke up, glaring with frowned eyes at his older sister, who was just smiling.
"Gems, what the fuck?"
"You wouldn't wake up." She shrugged. Walking to his room, she disappeared behind the wall, which Harry took as a cue to lean to me and try to give me a kiss. Not wanting Gemma to see us, I pulled away. It was a bad move, it was completely evident by the hurt expression that took over his face for a second. Biting my lips, I immediately leaned to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
"Later." I whispered.
"Mom wants you to go to dinner." We heard Gemma say when she was still out of sight. "And I need to borrow this." She showed him the green beanie she had in her hand and smiled at him when he groaned. "Are you coming?" She suddenly asked me and I stuttered, not sure of what I should say.
"I-I..."
"She's coming." Harry said, lying back on the bed and taking the remote out of my hands.
"So, are you guys like a thing now?" She asked us, not really talking to anyone in particular. Her eyes were full of curiosity, especially when she looked at her brother.
"No." I rushed to say. "We're just friends."
"Oh, okay." Gemma squinted her eyes when she looked at me, eyeing me from head to toe. "Well, I guess I'll see you and.... Your friend tonight. I'll leave you guys to your friendly cuddling." Smirking, she left the apartment, closing the door after her.
I had no time to react, Harry jumping out of the couch and walking to the kitchen. I squeezed my eyes shut, cursing at my own stupidity before getting up and walking behind him.
I found him looking for something in the fridge, his broad back facing me. Leaning over the counter I looked at him while he refused to do the same.
"Harry?"
No answer.
"Harry, are you mad at me?" I asked sheepishly, even when I knew the answer perfectly well.
"Friend?" He finally turned around. "Fucking friends?" He chuckled humorless.
"I didn't know what else to say!"
"You say yes! That was what I was going to say. The fucking answer is yes, we're a fucking thing now."
"I didn't, I just, it took me by surprise, alright? And we are friends, I wasn't lying!"
"Tell me with how many of your friends you're fucking."
"What?"
"If this is a thing you do with your friend, tell me with how many of your friends I'm sharing you."
"Fuck you, Harry."
"No, fuck you. I'm so fucking tired of having this conversation over and over." He spat, turning around to leave the kitchen. Before he could walk away, I pulled him back, making him look at me. Sighing, and trying to let the anger that was starting to build inside of me go, I took his face in my hands, pressing my lips softly to his.
"I'm sorry. I just didn't know what else to say. I didn't mean to say we were nothing." Kissing him again, I stood on my tiptoes, wrapping my hands around his shoulders so I could kiss him. Slowly, he began to answer to my kiss, his arms going around my waist to pull me closer to him.
I could feel the rage between the two of us starting to drift off, gradually disappearing, being replaced by the roughness of the kiss.
My hands went to his neck, gripping his shoulders when he lifted me and set me on the counter. With one move, I hooked my legs around his waist, pulling him to me.
"We're not just friends." He muttered to which I nodded, trailing my fingers on his back, underneath his shirt.
"We're not." I confirmed, finally deciding to pull his shirt over his head. Not a second after I had thrown it to the floor, I was pulling him to me again, my hands trailing down his bare chest.
The buzz of the phone over the counter was a little more than annoying. My head snapped to it, thinking it was mine. But the white phone was lying silently and ignored over the grey counter. It was Harry's black iPhone the one making the sound.
My eyes widened when I saw the ID caller and I immediately let him go, jumping down the counter and standing a little apart from Harry. With an annoyed sigh, he took the phone, not even bothering to check who was calling and sliding the screen mindlessly.
"Hello." He groaned into the phone, looking weirdly at me. "Oh, hey Sam." He stared at me while he leaned into the counter. "Yeah, yeah, I'm going. I'm just going late cause I have a thing at my mom's."
Fuming, I crossed my arms over my shoulders, finally leaving the room. Not even knowing Harry was trailing behind me made me feel any better. Taking the blankets we had been using moments ago, I started folding them.
"I don't get what's your thing with Sam."
"You don't get what's my thing with Sam?" I snorted. "Dude, you can't stand Pete."
"Because Pete wants to fuck you."
"Yeah, and Sam wants you to pray with her, right?"
"There's nothing going on between Sam and I."
"Well, have fun with her tonight." I spat, throwing the folded blankets over the couch.
"I'm going with you tonight. It's Lou's party."
"I'm not in the mood. Go alone."
"Babe," He sighed, heaving a hand through his hair. "Sam's not..."
"I don't give a fuck about Sam." I said and grabbed my bag and jacket from the floor. Looking at him one last time, standing shirtless in front of me, and opened the door to leave. "Have fun tonight."
****
I was really not in the mood to spend time with Harry. I had no idea if I was overreacting and being incredibly annoyed, but the mere thought of Sam with her tanned legs and pretty face, made my blood boil, especially if I imagined her in Harry's bed, her hair sprawled over the pillow and his lips covering her skin with kisses, or if I remembered that morning at Starbucks, when I had saw them so cozy and happy. It was all too much for me and even if it was wrong, I just couldn't really make myself like her, not when she was still after Harry.
Calling Anne, I excused myself from going to the dinner, telling her that I had the worst headache, which was starting to be true, and promising that I was going next weekend to visit her, which was not true. Don't get me wrong, she's a lovely woman, but there was no point on visiting her when I was so uncertain about everything with Harry, sure that if we just stopped this, we most likely wouldn't continue to be friends.
After that, I threw myself on the bed, hiding under the covers until I fell asleep, not even my mom's calls managing to wake me up.
"Babe?" Harry's voice woke me up, my eyelashes fluttering open and closing again with a groan when I saw him standing in front of me.
"What?"
"Come on," He said, the weight of my bed shifting when he sat down. "we need to talk before going to my mom's."
"I'm not going to your mom's. I already talked to her."
"Fine, then I'm not going either."
"Harry, stop it." I groaned, sitting up with my hair pointing out to every direction. Huffing, I took the covers off of my body, getting up to look for a hair tie. "You're right, you have a right to have female friends and Sam's one of them. I can't fucking stand her so I'm not going to that party."
"Come on, babe. Come with me."
"No."
"Babe, this is getting tired."
"Too bad. You should go to Sam, then." I groaned. At this point, I was being ridiculous, and I knew it, I honestly knew it, I just couldn't give a fuck about it.
"You're so fucking jealous." He chuckled, squeezing his eyes shut while he ran a finger down the bridge of his nose.
"I'm not jealous of Sam."
"I don't understand why don't you just recognize it. I fucking hate Pete cause I can't stand the thought about him being with you. You should admit the same about Sam. I just, I just need to know."
"Was she with you?" My head snapped to him at that piece of information, the wheels inside my brain turning at a fast speed.
"That's not what I said."
When he noticed I wasn't going to say anything else, lying back on my bed instead, he pinned me to the bed, straddling me and pressing his weight a little over my body. With his hands on each side of my head, he lowered his head until our lips were brushing.
"Tell me you're jealous of Sam."
"Why do you want me to say that so badly?" I laughed nervously, letting my hands go to his waist.
"I don't really know." He shrugged. "I just want to hear you say it." After having all afternoon to come to terms with the fact that I was indeed jealous of Sam, and with all the further implications I had to analyze after it, I sighed, deciding to abide to his wishes. It took me a lot, a process that had taken me days, only coming to terms with the hurricane of thoughts and feelings I had inside of me, this afternoon. Most of them I had never felt towards anyone, my bad experiences in love only bearable cause I never really had any kind of feelings for them. So, rejecting the feelings that made me so vulnerable was only part of my self-preservation instinct.
I looked to the white window, looking out while I said my next words.
"I, I just don't like her around you. I actually don't like any other girl around you, but I don't know, she just wants to fuck you so blatantly, I just hate her." Biting my lip, I finally meet his eyes. "I'm really jealous of her." I chuckled.
"In a sick way, that makes me really happy."
With my hands on his face, I made him lower himself and press to me, our lips meeting in a slow kiss, as if I had all the time in the world.
There was a need inside of me to tell him everything, to just keep talking until my throat was dry and I couldn't think of any more words to say. To have him stay with me during the night, not doing anything but holding me in his arms. It was sappy and a little embarrassing, but I couldn't think of anything better to do. Have him say what he felt about me, as little or as much as that could be.
"Tell me something." I whispered against his lips.
"What?"
"I don't know. A lie, a truth, whatever you want."
"You want a truth?"
"Probably."
"I can't stand Pete cause I can't stand the thought of anyone else touching you. I can't stand the thought of anyone else kissing you or making you moan, those are my things. And I'm fucking afraid that, if you find someone who can make you feel as good as I do, you're gonna leave me." His hands were trailing down my stomach, leaving soft circles on my skin. "How petty does that make me?"
My hands found his face again, pulling his face up for a long kiss. At the end of it, I was sighing into his mouth, hooking my right leg around his waist a little.
"I doubt I'm going to find someone like you, Harry."
"There's always a chance." Pressing his forehead to my chest, I arched my back a little, so he could wrap his arms around my waist and pull me to his chest. "I want a lie." He whispered, his words almost missing away when he pressed his forehead to my chest.
"What?"
"I want you to tell me a lie."
"Why?"
"I don't know. It might hurt less than the truth."
"You want a lie?" I asked him, my fingers running down his hair softly. Gulping, I tried to organize my thoughts before opening my mouth and blurting out the first thing that came to mind, like I usually did. "I don't get butterflies in my tummy when I look at you. My skin doesn't cover in goosebumps and I don't get all tingly all over my body just thinking about you. I don't think of you every other second and you don't cloud my mind when I go to sleep alone. I don't think you're the most adorable person and I just hate spending my afternoons doing silly things with you." I looked at him, the small smile that was widening with every word that left my lips.
"That's the best lie ever."
"I thought so."
The kiss was soft, our tongues playing with each other at a slow pace. His hands gripped my waist and I hugged him tightly to my chest.
With quick fingers, he brought his fingers underneath my shirt, his cold fingertips making me shiver.
"I want another lie." He said with a half smile.
"Another."
"You just tell them so well."
"I don't know if that's actually a compliment." I chuckled. Thinking about my next words, I took a huge breath, looking at him directly in the eyes. "I don't have any feelings for you."
"I think I love you, harder than I've ever felt anything for anyone." He whispered. "That's my last truth. I need yours.".
"I think I love you too." I told him, sincerely and with my heart completely open. A huge smile tugged up the corner of his lips, making him look adorable, like a little kid that had just received exactly what he had asked for Christmas. Kissing me a little more eagerly this time, he pinned to the bed, supporting his full weight on me. Taking the collar of his shirt, I pulled him even closer, wanting to feel him as close as I possibly could. His tongue was exploring my mouth, leisurely and thoroughly, one of his hands sneaking out from under my waist and going under my shirt, until he found his way to my breast, squeezing it lightly.
Running my hands over his back, I did the same, sliding my hands under his shirt and brushing my fingers over his skin.
"Fuck, I need to go." He groaned when we separated, his eyes squinting a little when he checked the clock of his phone. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"
"I already cancelled on your mom. Go and have fun, I'll see you tomorrow." I assured him, kissing his cheek lightly when he started to get up.
"No. After dinner I'm coming to pick you up."
"I really don't want to go to that party, Harry."
"I know. We're going to my flat."
"No, don't miss the party just cause of me."
"Babe, I'm going to miss that party cause there's no fucking way I'm spending tonight away from you. I'm coming to pick you up."
"Fine." I giggled.
"We'll make it special, yeah?"