mhmm.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I sit on the floor, and sigh. I try to look into his eyes, but he seems happier looking everywhere but at me. Mostly the wall.
"Rob, it's so much more than friendship for me. At least sometimes I'm scared it might be, I mean. More than friendship, past the brotherly feelings. The teasing and playing around. When I joke about doing something, maybe it's not a joke to me. Just maybe it's what I really want.." I lean back, tilting my head some. Thinking as hard as I can, before continuing. Rob turns to me, and I can't help but smile a little.
"It's more than just 'I love you'. It's an 'I'm in love' thing. Does that make since?" I pause, and Rob stares at me blankly.
"Of course it does. What doesn't make since is why. When. How. Why. Why, Rob? Fuck. Maybe I'm reaching? Maybe I feel as if I just want that. The love thing. And being as close as we are, you know? So why did it tear me apart to hear about the Joe thing then? Never with any of the girls I hear about did I feel like that. Because it was a male, and up until that point it was the only thing keeping me from feeling this way? The straight thing, you know. Easy to say that my best friend is straight, therefore he's off limits and feeling anything for him would be a complete waste of time." I shake my head, and point accusingly at Rob. He wiggles his nose a little. I shake my head again, as if it'll get the point across. Or at least my frustration.
"You don't understand a fucking word I'm saying, do you Rob?" Rob buries himself under some bedding.
"Fucking hell Brad. My head hurts, but I'll try to go over this with you again. For the last time."
Oh god oh god... I swallow thickly, staying frozen in fear.
"One, he's a gerbil. And no. He doesn't understand you. Two. You're not naming him Rob. That's final. And three -" I look from Rob, over my shoulder to Rob. Let me rephrase. I look from Rob the gerbil, to Rob the man. "It really worries me when I come home and you're talking to him. No, when you're yelling at him for not understanding."
"When did you get home?"
"I walked in to you cursing at the poor little thing. You're going to freak him out.".
"I know. I won't yell at him anymore. Rob and I were just having a little chat." I stand up, giving Rob a smile which he returns
"No, just no. You are not naming the gerbil after me."
"Why? He's a lot like you. Cute. Cuddly. Fuzzy. Small brain."
"Sounds more like you." Rob says, moving to sit onto the couch. I stop grinning, and start to nod slowly.
"Brad the gerbil.. I like it." I walk to the couch as well, and sit down. "What do you think?"
"I think having a gerbil named after yourself is pretty vain."
"So you do like it."
Rob laughs at me, leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes.
"How was your day?"
"My day was... You think I'm cute."
"What?"
"Like Brad. You think I'm cuddly, too."
"What?"
"The gerbil. Cute and cuddly, like me. You said it yourself."
"Oh hell, Brad."
"What did he do?"
"That's it. He is not going to be named Rob or Brad.. And I was referring to the small brain part."
