Maldita Tips

Maldita Lines

#1

When you're in a store and you picked a dress at may sumigaw ng "Akin yan!"

Look at her, up and down. And say the Maldita line

"This doesn't fit you dear, you should look for size XL. That will fit you more."

Then give her your famous smirk at mag-walk out ka na.

#2

Kapag pumipili ka ng bra at may nagsabi sayo ng "Bakit nandito ka sa part na to? Flat ka naman eh"

Reply this:

"Ikaw? Anong ginagawa mo dito? Ang alam ko ang mga b**bs ng bata ay hindi pa sinusuotan ng bra."

And then iwanan mo na siya with a smirk

#3

Kapag may sinabi kang instructions at may hindi nakakaintindi ng paulit-ulit

Say the Maldita line:

"Ang utak ginagamit hindi tinatambak. At ang ulo hindi lang pinapatong sa leeg, ginagamit din sa pagiisip"

At wag mo nang iexplain pa ulit sakanya. Di mo kasalanan kung mahina utak niya.

#4

When you're with someone and she says, "Naku magmemake-up lang ako, baka magmukha akong yaya mo."

Say the famous line:

"Wag na, magmumukha ka lang yaya kong nakamake-up"

Then give her your sweetest smile. That will piss her ass off.

#5

When someone says to you:

"Kung makasabi ka ng pangit, maganda ka ba?"

Tell her:

"Wala akong sinabing maganda ako, ang sinabi ko lang PANGIT KA!"

#6

Kapag malapit ng mag-halloween at may nagsabi sayo ng:

"Ano kayang magandang costume sa halloween para matakot ko sila?"

Tell her the famous line my dear:

"Wag ka na mag-abalang magisip ng costume. Mukha mo pa lang, horrifying na."

And give her your famous Maldita smile and walk out.

#7

When someone says to you:

Pinanganak ka talagang Maldita!

Just give her a smile and say the Maldita line:

Ako I'm born to be beautiful and maldita. Eh ikaw? You were just born.

#8

When you have this someone na gusto mong sampalin, don't.

Just say this:

Gusto sana kitang sampalin kaya lang madudumihan yung kamay ko. Mas mahal pa ang sanitizer ko kesa sa pinangparetoke mo eh.

#9

When you happen to meet a friend you haven't seen for a long time and she tells you this :

"Grabe! Lalo kang tumaba"

Sabihin mo sakanya:

"Ikaw din, lalo kang pumangit"

And give her your sweetest smile.

#10

Kapag may mga lesheng tao na nagreklamo sa ugali mo sabihin mo :

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bitchy. It's an involuntary reaction whenever I see ugly and stupid people eh."

And give them your deadly smile.