Looking Up for a Chance

Chapter 7

Alive

Crowds are forming the hallway and getting to the parking lot is the only thing I wanted right now. Today's Friday and classes are over, it amazed me how this past few days passed by quickly and how much time I spent thinking about the conversation I had with Keith. I knew it was stupid to agree with him but I did it anyway. Well it wasn't like it's going to kill me but I don't know, maybe I just wasn't used to it. Because in these past years it was just me.

I saw my car and walked into it. I grip the steering wheel as I let out a deep sigh, the idea of being home and just lying in my bed is just what I need so I started the engine. There is nothing a good long sleep couldn't fix, right? My house isn't that far so just after a few minutes I arrived home.

I saw Katie at the living room with Glimmer. I smiled, seeing her brings some sense of familiarity. I walked towards her and kissed her cheek.

"You look like someone who hadn't got some sleep for weeks!" she's too honest, even though I don't care about how I look

"Well, I'm tired. I'll go to my room and get some rest. You okay here?"

"Yeah, get some sleep, zombie!" she giggled then I went to my room.

The smell of new sheets and the fluffiness of my pillows should have immediately put me into sleep but this time it didn't. I tried pulling the curtains down and turning the air conditioner, but that only made me uneasy. I looked for my phone in my nightstand and started skimming through my playlist, but I couldn't find a song I could stand listening. I threw my phone into the bed because of frustration. I just wanted to sleep, what is wrong with me!?

I ended up staring at the ceiling, the conversation with Keith came rushing back in.

Flashback

"Those three encounters we had, why would you always push that it was just accidents"

"Because they were" I said without looking in his eyes.

"What happened to no lying rule huh?"

"Because I don't know! And before you start talking about destiny or choices again. Didn't it cross your mind that maybe there is no reason and we are just meant to leave it like that? Sometimes it just happens and there are some things that are better left unanswered."

"You have really sad eyes."

"What!" he leaned into his chair, bringing his arms across his chest

"You know what I think? You're clinging too much to the idea of accidents. You believe it because of the sense of comfort or security you feel. You choose relief over feelings of pain. You want to believe that they didn't mean it to happen, an accident even it isn't."

"So you're a psychologist now?" I said trying to make things lighter because his words were somehow true. I glance at him and saw him smile. A smile that says i-know-what-you're-thinking..

End

I grab a pillow, pressed my face into it and screamed. What is wrong with me? Pull yourself together okay? I reminded myself.

I closed my eyes and the silence in my room consumed me driving me to sleep.

*******

I was woken up because I felt something vibrating on my stomach. It was my phone, maybe it got there when I threw it a while ago. I answered the call without looking at the caller ID

"Hey are you ready? I'll pick you up." A familiar female voice said

"Xandra?"

"Yes it's me. Wait did you just woke up? We're going to be so late."