Dear Friend,

October 14, 2013

Dear Friend,

     Do you know what cutting is?  I think you do because your older them me.  But just in case, I will tell you.  Cutting is were you hurt yourself on purpose by making scratches or cuts with a sharp object on your body. . . enough to make you bleed.  It makes people feel better but it's very bad to do because it hurts.  My step mum was telling me about it.  She showed me how so that i can do it.

     I don't really mean it.  I just had to write it down to get it out of my head.  I keep thinking about cutting ever since my step mum talked about it.  

     Anyways, I told Jenny that I dreamt that she and I kissed at the ice cream shop, and I started crying because I felt bad, and do you know what she did? She laughed. Not a mean laugh, either. A really nice, warm laugh. She said that she thought I was being cute. And she said it was okay that I had a dream about her. And I stopped crying. Jenny then asked me if I thought she was pretty, and I told her I thought she was "lovely. " Jenny then looked me right in the eye. 

     "You know you're too young for me, Daniel? You do know that?" 

     "Yes, I do." 

     "I don't want you to waste your time thinking about me that way." 

     "I won't. It was just a dream." Jenny then gave me a hug, and it was strange because my family doesn't hug except my father hugged me all the time when he was here.  But after a few moments, I could smell Jenny's perfume.  And i stepped back.  

     "I'm thinking about you that way." 

     She just looked at me and shook her head. Then, she put her arm around my shoulder and walked me down the hallway. We met Ben outside because they didn't like to go to class sometimes. They prefer to hang out and listen to music.

     "Daniel has a crush on me, Ben."  I could feel my face turning red.  

      "He does, huh?"

     "I'm trying not to." I offered, which just made them laugh. Ben then asked Jenny to leave, which she did, and he explained some things to me, so I would know how to be around other girls and not waste my time thinking about Jenny in that way. 

     "Daniel, has anyone told you how it works?" 

     "I don't think so." 

     "Well, there are rules you follow here not because you want to, but because you have to. You get it?"

     "I guess so. " 

     "Okay. You take girls, for example. They're copying their mums and magazines and everything to know how to act around guys." I thought about the mums and the magazines and the everything, and the thought made me nervous, especially if it includes the Telly. "I mean it's not like in the movies where girls like jerks or anything like that. It's not that easy. They just like somebody that can give them a purpose." 

     "A purpose?" 

     "Right. You know? Girls like guys to be a challenge. It gives them some mold to fit in how they act. Like a mum. What would a mum do if she couldn't fuss over you and make you clean your room? And what would you do without her fussing and making you do it? Everyone needs a mum.  And a mum knows that's

her sense of purpose. You get it?"   I started to think of my mum which made me feel very sad.

     "Yeah. . ."  I said even though I didn't really understand. But I got it enough to say "Yeah" and not be lying, though.