Right Up My Street

Conscience

"I wonder if the catering is any better than last week." Louis thinks out loud as we step into the main backstage area.
Another Saturday - another live show - another chance to finally get rid of Janet.
I shouldn't think this way. Instead, I turn to Louis and Dannii "Was it that bad?"
"You didn't miss much, honestly." Dannii sighs "But this looks a lot better." she points out, noticing the large buffet table to the side of the room.
"Mhmmm" Licking his lips, Louis makes his way over. Dannii and I just laugh at him, until she turns back to me "Where's Simon?"
"I don't know, actually ..." I shrug "You want me to look for him?"
"Oh no," she smiles "you watch over Louis and I'll look for Simon. Reversed roles."
I nod, before I grab myself a plate and plunder the buffet "Good luck."

"I can't get enough of these." Louis grins and looks at the muffin - his third today - in his hand.
I laugh "This muffin is cryin' internally - you're torturin' it like this."
He bites of the whole top in one go "By the way, I never got the chance to ask you what happened last week."
"Last week?" Oh no. Please, please, don't make me lie to him.
"You and Simon in your dressing room? You wouldn't open the door to any of us, remember?" The rest of the muffin vanishes in seconds.
"I ..." I try to find the right words "I wasn't feeling well."
"Oh. And Simon ...?"
Seriously, Louis?
"Simon gave me some comfort and confidence." I reply quickly.
"Right ...-" He doesn't get to finish his sentence as a very disturbed looking Dannii rushes into the room.
"Dannii?" we ask in unison.
"Guys ..." she starts, catching her breath.
I get up and walk towards her "Did you find Simon?"
She just nods, making me feel like I ate something wrong. I just hope she didn't -
"He was with Janet." Dannii suddenly blurts out.
No.
"They - they were making out backstage. No, not making out - more than that."
"Cheryl?" Louis looks at me, a concerned look on his face "Do you know anything about this?"
"I ..." I try to explain "Oh god, please don't tell anyone. I promised to keep it secret! Janet was even threatenin' me. Please, guys, the public can't know about this."
"Cheryl ..." Louis repeats "I don't think I heard you right."
Dannii gulps "Are you telling us what I saw is actually a real relationship? Is she bribing him?"
"It's not - he wanted to wait, but - no, she's not bribin' him ..." I stammer, helplessly looking to the ground.
"How do you know all this?" Louis looks surprised.
I sigh "Simon asked me to help him after I caught them backstage after boot camp ... but he obviously ignores me' advice anyway."

My heels click on the metal floor as I rush through the corridors, a camera team on my back.
"Get off!" I snap at them "This is private!"
But they continue filming anyway.
I find Simon sitting in a small room near the stage - alone.
"You - ..." I growl as I catch sight of him.
Immediately he jumps up and glares at the cameras "Cheryl, wait - Let the camera guys leave first."
After some protesting they agree to leave us alone.
"That was close." Simon sighs and I'm right on him, screaming in anger.
"Do you ever listen to me, Simon Cowell?! Did you ever take any of my advice?! Or am I also just 'a doll in your game', as your lover likes to say?!" I yell.
Hopefully the camera teams won't catch any of it on tape.
"Cheryl, Cheryl - listen to me!" Simon yells back, grabbing my wrists.
"No!" I try to free my hands, punching at his chest as hard as I can "I'm sick of helpin' you! You and Janet, just - just go to hell! You can do it there!"
Finally he lets go of my hands, giving me all the freedom to punch him "Just listen."
"I don't want to listen! You idiot!" I scream, even though I'm starting to get tired.
I feel his hand on my back - not forcing, just gentle - and collaps against him with one last punch to his chest.
"I'm sick of helpin' you ..." I mumble, out of breath from yelling and fighting.
"I think, Dannii saw us." Simon tells me after we just stood there in silence for a while,
"She did. Louis also knows now, but they promised not to tell." I reply while I'm still leaning against him, catching my breath.

After the show, I sit in the catering area by myself, thinking about the events of the last few weeks.
"I guess our deal is over?" Simon's voice pulls me back to reality as he takes a seat opposite of me.
"Our deal?" I frown.
He nods "You, helping me through the Janet-thing. I guess you gave up?"
I take a sip of tea "I never give up."
"Then I guess you don't want to help me anymore?" he chuckles, but I bite my lip and look him in the eye "I just like you too much to stop tryin' to help you."