Forbidden

Chapter Seventeen

                Olivia dropped her father’s hand and stood a little too quickly. She could see her vision become clouded by a dark blanket and the lightheadedness forced her back down onto the couch. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe deep to regroup herself.

“Baby,” her Daddy said tenderly, “it’s out of our control. I had to tell you because I don’t want to miss a single moment.” Marshall’s eyes had started to tear and his chin quivered with every word he said.

                Olivia lowered her head into her lap with her hands over her ears. She didn’t want to listen because she couldn’t bare to hear what he was saying. She heard all she needed to hear; she was going to lose her father. She was going to lose the one person who was always there for her, who pushed her to be the person she was today. She literally felt her heart aching and her stomach became nauseated. All she could hear at that moment were her own loud sobs escaping her trembling body.

                She felt angry; angry that she had been too busy with her own life to notice that her father’s weight had dropped considerably. Angry that she had been too busy with her own life to notice the light in her father’s eyes dwindling down to almost nothing. Angry that she had been too busy to notice how weak he had been over the last few months. Most of all, she felt angry at God for making her father go through something of this magnitude.

                She felt guilty for asking and taking and even arguing a handful of times with her father when he was probably in an immense amount of pain. She felt guilty for smiling and enjoying her meals, while her father had probably felt sick after every one of his.

                She felt selfish for being afraid for herself and how she was expected to survive life without her father being a part of it. Her face was completely moistened with tears that all held different reasons for falling. She didn’t try to wipe them away because she knew there would only be more.

                She tried to look at her Daddy but the second their eyes met, she started shaking her head in disbelief and ran upstairs. She ran past her mother who was sitting on the floor of the upstairs hallway and slammed her bedroom door shut. Olivia paced every square inch of her bedroom trying to organize her thoughts before ultimately deciding that there was nothing to organize. He was dying. His life now had an expiration date stamped on it as if he were an unimportant object.

                She picked up her phone, needing to talk to someone, but no one would be around to answer. Everyone she could talk to was at the school still living their normal everyday lives, while her world was crashing down all around her. She sat down on her bed with her shoulders involuntarily bent inward and began picking aimlessly at her fingernails.

                How could someone just give her father four months to live his life? Why hadn’t they told her sooner so she could have made the best out of the time they had left together as a family? Maybe the doctor’s made a mistake; maybe they accidentally switched files or something. But she knew that the probability of that happening was zero. She heard a knock on the door before it opened slowly.

                Her Daddy sat down on the edge of the bed next to Olivia and patted her leg.

“Don’t let this ruin you, Olivia. Don’t let the light go out in your eyes.”

                She chuckled through her tears.

“How do you expect anything less? You’re my father. Y—You are my backbone, Daddy. I am who I am because of you. What am I supposed to do without you?”

                She wrapped her arms gently around him and sobbed into his chest. She felt as though she was already mourning his death and the thought frightened Olivia.

“Miracles happen all the time, honey. I met a guy at the hospital who has had the same type of cancer for three years, and they only gave him two months. Once he got to that two month marker, he pretty much just spent his days waiting for it to happen. Four years later, he’s still here. Just because they give you a time doesn’t mean God will accept it.”

                She nodded her head slowly, processing his words before leaning up and looking at him.

“How do you feel, though?”

“I’m just tired right now, but that can be chalked up to the long trip. I feel fine, baby. And all I really want more than anything in this world is to pretend like this conversation never happened. I want things to be normal. You hear what I’m sayin’?”

“Daddy, how can we pretend like this conversation never happened?”

“Just try. Try for me, a’ right?”

                Her father’s dying wish was to just act like nothing ever happened? How could she look at him the same way knowing that his body was being eaten alive from the inside? How would anything ever be the same ever again?

“I need to see your optimism, Olivia. I need you to stay strong, not just for me, but for yourself. Do you understand?”

                The nausea returned to her stomach, planting itself in the form of a rock. She swallowed the bile that had built its way to the back of her throat before taking her shirt and wiping the tears away.

“I understand, Daddy,” she said.

“Now, if you don’t smile though, I’m gonna have to ground you or somethin’, and we both know I don’t wanna do that.”

“Daddy, I can’t smile righ—“

“Smile! I’m not leavin’ this room until you do and I have a lot of work to get done, so what’s it gonna be?”

                She was relieved to hear some normalcy in his voice and without forcing it, a smile formed on her face.

“That’s my girl,” he said, kissing the side of her head. “Now, I know I said you could take the day off today, but I’ve gone and changed my mind. So get yourself together, and get to class.”

“Daddy, no. I cannot go to—“

“Olivia Rashel Chandler, you’re not about to argue with me. Get yourself cleaned up and get to school.”

                Despite the fact that she wanted nothing more than to lay in bed for the rest of the day feeling sorry for herself and for her father, she knew this was his attempt at normalcy and she knew she couldn’t let him down.

“Yes, sir. I’ll go,” she sighed.

                As Marshall shut Olivia’s bedroom door, she stood to get things together for school. The story of the man at the hospital that her father had just told her stuck firmly into her mind. He had been given an even shorter amount of time and he surpassed it with flying colors. Marshall was a strong man and Olivia knew there was no way cancer could take that from him. She felt some kind of relief flow through her.

He’s going to be fine. He’ll get through it. Everything will be just fine.