I wanted to run, I really did, but something stopped me. Something made me stay where I was and fill with unsurpressed rage. I wanted some answer but I wanted desperately to slam my hands over my ears and eyes and pretend I'd never seen it. Then I decided exactly what I was going to do. Or I suppose I didn't really decide just kind of... reacted.
"Oh I get it," I said loudly enough to see them both stir. "Oh I really get it!" I made sure that one woke them up completely. After a brief moment of confusion something sunk in and they jumped apart. "Oh yes, move apart I already saw it!" Then for some reason I strode across the room and climbed on the foot of the bed and glared down at them. Or rather just him. "You broke up my goodnight, my good time, my booty call if you will, so you could turn around and participate in your own booty call? With my sister? I am going to call Ryan right now. Oh yea and he will still be at that hotel or he sure will be going back and we are going to..." okay, yes, I faltered, "do it. Oh yes, we're going to get it on and this time? You're not stopping me." I had an immense feeling of joy as panic and pain warred through his eyes.
"Please, please, please listen, Kat, it's not like this at all," Aud said sitting up.
"Shut up Audrey!"
I didn't even know if Ryan would still be there or not but I sure hoped he was because right now I needed the distraction. As I wandered the streets on my way back to the hotel I tried to picture greeting Ryan. I picture creeping into the room and seeing him asleep on the bed. Crouching beside him and kissing him until he woke up and then... well yeah I blushed and halted my thoughts after that.
I didn't account for the hotel door being locked. Stupid, right? So instead of romantically waking him up I stood outside the door, shivering -thanks to the stupid rain the had started when I was halfway there- and dripping on the fancy carpets. I raised a shaking hand (cold? anger? I didn't care) to the door.
I knocked once and waited. "Ryan? Are you there?"
I knocked again, the cold making pains shoot through my knuckles.
"Ryan?!" I slammed my palm brutally against the door.
"Huh?" The door opened a crack and there was Ryan. His hair was flat on one side and his eyes looked blurry and full of sleep. "Kat? What are you doing here?" But because he was tired it sounded more like "kawareoudoinere".
"I'm ready. I'm back and I'm here and... we had plans, right?" I pouted and I was rushing in my haste.
"Kat," he said slowly, letting me in and stumbling back to the foot of the bed, he sat down with a sigh, "tell me what happened."
"What do you mean?" I asked sitting beside him and kissing his cheek and neck. I was aiming blindly trying hard to get the reaction I wanted.
He wrapped his arms around me and sat me by his side, not letting me have any reach of him. "When I first mentioned this you were absolutely terrified-"
"No, I-"
"Don't interrupt. You were absolutely terrified of the idea of coming back here alone with me, of what might happen. Now," he sighed, "you get a call from this Noel dude and he shows up and you come back here, soaking wet, and want nothing more then to sleep with me?
"This isn't you, Kat. Whatever is going on with you and that Noel guy you need to work it out."
"I'm not... We're not... We don't... It's not like that," I stammered.
"I trust you on that but he is upsetting you and you're trying to retaliate by getting physical with me and though I would love nothing more... I'm not letting it happen like this."
He pulled me to the head of the bed and I climbed between the sheets in my dripping clothes. He wrapped his arms around me and in a few minutes he was snoring quietly, then he rolled in his sleep and turned his back to me. In the dark I hugged my knees to my chest and tried to sleep.
***
The morning, as to be expected, came far too soon. Sometime in the night I had managed to mount my self-pity and began mulling over the possible relationship between Noel and Audrey. I had already wrestled with my jealousy (by denying its existance), cursed Noel beyond saving and was trying to come to terms with my sister's new revelation, after years of being lesbian, when the sun began to rise.
Then Ryan began to stir and my mind went haywire. How do I find a way to explain this to him? How do I explain what happened if he asks? Would he ask? Maybe if I just acted normal then he wouldn't ask questions.
With a smile I rolled over and kissed him quickly on the cheek.
"Mmm, good morning," he said reaching blindly to wrap his arms around me.
"Good morning," I answered with a chuckle between their pressed lips.
He looked up to me laughter fresh in his eyes, "I could get used to waking up like this?"
"Could you now?" I asked going for flirtatious.
"Sure could," he grinned and winked making me laugh. "So," he said suddenly looking serious, "what was last night about?"
Damn there goes that plan...
"Nothing... it was just nothing."
"Okay," he sat up slightly and kissed my shoulder, "if you say nothing it was nothing."
"Good." I nodded relief probably very evidently plastered like a neon board across my face.
"But I think you should talk to Noel," he added quickly.
"What happened to nothing is nothing?!?" I almost shouted.
"Nothing is still nothing but this is nothing is definitely something."
