RAISON D'ÊTRE ( bucky barnes ) 一 under editing

SECOND

RAISON D'ÊTRE
SECOND

SHE DIDN'T KNOW WHY she expected her "conversation" with the Winter Soldier to go any better than it did. Perhaps that little idealistic dreamer in her wanted something good to happen, something out of the ordinary. If her younger self saw her, she'd probably laugh. She'd been wanting something normal, a normal life with regularities, but that's all she's getting now. This weird thing that's happening with the Winter Soldier was different, out of the ordinary, and she wanted more of it. Rome had asked him question after question, hoping to hear another voice from the guards and Pierce, the ones that constantly want her to scream. Her questions continued on and on for what felt like hours, questions about who he was, what he believed brought these episodes on. However, each time, she'd only get the same response 一 silence. It felt odd to be speaking to someone but not get any answers, like she was speaking in her own head.

Rome had heard all sorts of rumors about the Winter Soldier from the other agents and guards, their silent weapon. Of course, she knew just how dangerous he could be, and in a way, he reminded her of Ianna. Her cousin was just as deadly, able to silence and kill within a matter of seconds. However, she had never realized just how quiet he was. There'd be the occasional sound, like a grunt or a sigh, or even a louder than usual breath, but he didn't speak. It somewhat frightened Rome. It only scared her because it was like he was conditioned to be like this, no words just kill kill kill.

The next day, when Rome had arrived at her room, she supposed she had expected something to be different. But the Winter Soldier still sat on his bed, back to the door; the only difference was that he was in new clothes, the shirt of his sleeve covering the red star.

"Hello, Soldier," Rome greeted with a nod. In her hands, clasped before her, was a grimoire. She cleared her throat, hoping to gain his attention. She was somewhat glad to hear a small sound of acknowledgement tossed her way, and she slowly walked to stand before him. "I thought that today we could start by determining the possible origins of your... episodes." This didn't feel right, not in the slightest. Rome wasn't prepared to do anything like this, and she couldn't just mess up his mind even more than it probably is. During the night, she had spent more time going over basic spells than sleeping, hoping to find something, anything, but she ended up with nothing. The only kind of spells that talked about a person's head was about controlling minds or erasing and making memories resurface. If Ianna and Renata were here 一 no! She would not be thinking of them today. She had much more important things to worry about, like fixing these episodes. And God, she hated calling them episodes! It made him sound like something was seriously wrong with him and categorizing him based on this one thing.

Like always, he said nothing but didn't object to Rome sitting on the bed. He slightly turned his body to look at her, and she grinned to herself; small, but a victory nonetheless. When he looked up at her, she smiled even bigger, only it wasn't for herself. His eyes were pretty 一 blue eyes, sad and steely.

Rome looked down at her grimoire, slowly peeling it open to a page she had dog-tagged the previous night. The page revealed a spell that 一 while it couldn't help determine the immediate source of his problems 一 would shift through his memories. It'd allow her to see through his head, seeing if any traumatic memories were triggering him. It was a start, one that she didn't really think would lead to anything, but if Pierce were to come in here and see her doing nothing, who knows what her punishment would be? Rome let out a low sigh, pursing her lips and quickly reading the spell over. Slowly, she lifted her hands and placed her fingers against his temples.

Instinctively, the Winter Soldier's hands shot up, clenching her wrists and eliciting a sharp exhale. Rome's eyes widened, shock rippling through her body. She realized that his grip on her wasn't tight enough to bruise, but just hard enough to warn her. "Hey," she whispered, her voice gentle like she was speaking to a child, "it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not like them... I'm just here to help." He gave her a confused look, hands still on her wrists. "I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for, but... I'll let you know when I do. And if you experience any sort of discomfort or pain, tell me and I'll stop." He deserved that much, didn't he? She refused to be another one of HYDRA's assets, a monster who didn't care who got hurt.

The man nodded, releasing her wrists and placing his hands in his lap.

Rome once again placed her fingers on his temples. "Just... think happy thoughts, I suppose." She shut her eyes, foreign words flowing from her lips as she chanted under her breath.

The Winter Soldier watched as she worked, the way her green eyes moved beneath her eyelids and how her lips moved with every syllable. He noticed there was a slight accent in her voice, one that he didn't recognize, but he thought it sounded lovely. He couldn't help but admire her beauty. As far as he knew, Rome had been in HYDRA's grasp almost as long as he's been, and yet she still managed to retain her beauty and kindness. She was still her. Unlike him, HYDRA had stripped him of everything that he ever was or ever could be, shaping him into something that he personally can't recognize in the mirror. And it's not because he didn't want to be recognized, but because he literally couldn't. Gone were the memories of his past; all he remembered was that he was the Winter Soldier, the killing machine of HYDRA.

It felt like something was suddenly blasted into his head, images that he definitely knew weren't his. Instead of remembering or imagining happy things, hoping to reclaim his old life, he got an image of three young girls. All three of them were young, probably younger than twelve, with two of them having dark hair and the third golden blonde. He immediately recognized the third girl as Rome; somehow he just knew it in his bones. The slope of her nose, the curve of her jaw, the color of her eyes. The girls laughed, trampling over flowers and plants that littered the ground.

Rome jumped back, nearly flinching as she leaned away from the Winter Soldier. Her hands fell back to her sides, eyes wide in surprise. What just happened? Why did that happen? That wasn't the correct spell, was it? "I... I apologize," Rome stuttered, eyes avoiding his and looking through her grimoire. "I'm sorry, that, that shouldn't have happened." Her fingers started fluttering through the grimoire pages, eyes scanning through its contents. Biting her lip, she slowly looked up to see him giving her a confused look. He wanted to ask what that was, but it was like he couldn't speak. "What you saw was... something from my past. You weren't supposed to see that."

She trailed off, smiling wistfully. There was always going to be a part of her that missed Ianna and Renata with all her heart. Sure, she was frustrated with Renata for leaving them with nothing more than hateful insults, and she was upset with Ianna for going so far off the edge, but she still loved them. They're family.

Again, she didn't expect a response from him, knowing that he'd just remain silent and look at her. But looking at him from this angle, she thought he looked rather... well, handsome 一 brown hair, long and framing his sharp face. She cleared her throat, looking away from him and towards the door. Rome was half-expecting someone to storm in, demanding one of them, but nothing happened. She nearly jumped when she felt something touch her face. When she looked back up, she had seen the Winter Soldier lift his hand up, warm fingers brushing away the strands of gold covering her face. They locked eyes, and she smiled. It wasn't the kind of smile the HYDRA scientists and doctors would give him, looking at him like he was their prized doll. No, Rome looked at him and smiled like he was still him. Like he was still real, and that made him feel warm inside.

She hadn't expected him to say anything or even smile at her... but it feels nice to know that underneath all that anger and blood, there was still a man with a beating heart. "We should continue, don't you think?" she whispered, but she still spoke in a tone with a bit of mischief in it. "Who knows what Pierce will do if he finds us like this?"

The Winter Soldier only nodded.