RAISON D'ÊTRE ( bucky barnes ) 一 under editing

FORTY-FIRST

RAISON D'ÊTRE
FORTY-FIRST

HE SAT HUNCHED UP ON the medical table, hand pressed against the edge and his fingers curling around. Bucky pressed his lips together tightly, his lone hand pressed against the small of Rome's back. When they'd left the compound in Siberia, it had turned out T'Challa had followed them and found out the truth, then offered sanctuary to the three of them. They'd all received medical attention quickly, and it was then that Bucky made the executive decision to put him back under. He didn't want to do it, but he felt as if he had no choice. After seeing that video and the damage he'd caused to Stark, Bucky knew that with HYDRA's power still holding onto him, no one would be safe.

Rome hadn't taken the news lightly. She'd nearly burst upon hearing it, and held onto him tightly. She stood between his open legs, her forehead resting against his chest as she silently cried. "Please," she whispered and shook her head, "there must be something that they can do." A hand had laid against his thigh, the other cupping his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Rome," Bucky whispered, moving to kiss the top of her head. "Really, I am. I am so, so sorry, but I wouldn't do this if I had any other choice. You know that."

"I'll keep trying," she tried, cupping his cheeks and shaking her head. Her tone was desperate; she couldn't let him go, not when she... "I'm, I'm so close, I swear 一"

Bucky moved his hand to hold her face gently. "Rome," he interrupted gently, his thumb stroking against her cheekbone, "you've been trying for the past two years. There's no magic spell book that can erase what HYDRA's done to me."

The witch bit back a sob, squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't want to admit it but... she knew that this wasn't a problem magic couldn't fix. If anything, it could never had fixed his problem. A part of her had always felt that it'd never be the solution, but how could she say that to Bucky? Rome had never wanted to give him false hope, but she had sworn that she'd do whatever it took to help him. She failed him and it was breaking her heart. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around his body. "I'm so sorry, my love, I'm sorry. But please, there must be another way."

"Rome, listen." Bucky had to pry Rome off him, grabbing onto her shoulder so they could lock eyes. "I have to do this, okay? I can't risk hurting you or Steve or anyone until I know that this is gone from my head. I can't control it. I can't trust my own mind. But you have to know this 一 I will always love you." His hand drifted up to touch her neck, his finger drifting gently across her pulse. "You were the first person in a long time to care for me, to help me, to love me. I don't care how old we get, because you'll always be as beautiful as the day I met you."

She whimpered softly. Why, why did he have to say such a sweet thing? "Don't say this," Rome begged. "Don't make it sound it like goodbye."

"This isn't goodbye, trust me. This is simply... 'See you later.'"

With a sniffle, Rome wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "James Buchanan Barnes," she started, holding his face in her hands as if she were trying to memorize every little detail, "you gave me something I had not felt in a very long time 一 true and unequivocal love. From the moment I met you, I knew there was a connection and now I know that this, what we have, is because you are my true love, my only love. The only person who I've given myself wholeheartedly to." Rome smiled when Bucky started to tear up, and she used one of her thumbs to wipe them away. "I swear to you, I will never stop trying to find a cure to this, this brainwashing. I promise you, okay?"

"Okay," Bucky said. "I know you will." He leaned forward and kissed Rome, a gentle and sweet kiss that he wanted to keep frozen in his mind forever. When they pulled back, they pressed their foreheads together. "I love you, doll. So much."