Grace

one

I give him one night

He has to make it count

When he is done he hands me his sweatshirt
I pull it over my head
Tug it down until it covers my hips
Curling my sore legs into it
Tucking my body away

He says he wishes I would leave it off
He wants to count my bones
I tell him I could list every one
Give him the name of every bone in my body
In his body
I wish we could just talk
He tugs the sweatshirt up, pulling my hips towards him again

His hands are greedy tonight

He runs his hand up my curved spine
Around my neck
Down my collarbone
Across my chest

I shiver
my back arching
I reach for the sweatshirt again
He grabs my wrists and pins them above my head
Tells me to wait
I wait
Wait
Wait

He says I am beautiful when I am bare
So much to show
He's glad I don't flaunt it for anyone else
Just for him
His grip tightens against my wrists
Like he owns me
I flinch

He's explored my body
Knows my body
I want cover my head with a blanket
I try to pry my hands away
He tells me to stop being childish

I swallow the lump in my throat
because big girls don't cry

He is on top of me
It's hard to breathe
His hands gripping my wrists
Holding them down
I wait

He tells me this is love
It makes sense to me
I've always been told that love hurts