The Bachelorette

Episode 4

Lauren was the only thing on Camila's mind all morning. Getting back to the hotel room, she wasn't surprised to have found her three best friends already asleep. It was after four in the morning and Camila had no desire to sleep.

She was exhausted but she knew she wouldn't be resting tonight. After quite a bit of tossing and turning, Camila found herself on Lauren's abandoned social media. When Lauren went silent five years ago, so did her cyber footprint.

Camila searched for recent accounts that she would have made after but Lauren was great at not being found. However, after looking at the old accounts and finding pictures of the two of them, Camila wasn't so preoccupied with what she had missed.

Camila deleted all her pictures with Lauren many moons ago, but Lauren never deleted hers. She always refrained from deleting the accounts because they were memories and time stamps of significant milestones and a much happier version of herself.

It wasn't that Lauren wasn't happy per say, she just wouldn't use the word happy to describe her current situation. 'Less miserable' seemed like a much more appropriate term for her.

Lauren still struggles with the break up but in a different way than she did two years ago. Lauren didn't move on, that's exactly why she was participating in the show, but she was able to rebuild in such a way that she could still live her life.

Lauren had new friends, their friendship was nothing like the friendship the five of them had, but it was something. They were all artists of some sort in their own why, navigating through life with opinions about anything and everything. Though Lauren enjoyed the mental simulation and expression they provided, they were often too artsy for her liking. Not everything had to mean something.

Lauren rediscovered her art two years after the break up. Painting was her go-to but she expressed herself anyway she could. This often meant doodling instead of taking notes during lectures. Lauren began taking some extra classes. First it started out once a week, but now she's planning on getting another degree after the show finishes.

So sure, Lauren wasn't still eating ice cream three meals a day and feeling like her entire world would collapse whenever she was reminded of Camila, but she wasn't going out clubbing and having flings with various girls. Lauren tried to find happiness every opportunity she had, but somehow her mind always led her back to Camila. The only difference between now and five years ago was the degree of pain that came from those thoughts. The weeks leading up to the show, those thoughts became motivation and Lauren hoped that, along with the love that never faded, was enough.

She still needed to articulate that to Camila, though. It was more than articulation, it was more like convincing Camila of how serious she was.

Camila ended up scrolling through Lauren's pictures for about an hour, reliving their relationship. She kept going back to one picture, the picture Lauren posted for their first anniversary. In the picture, Camila was in Lauren's arms, legs wrapped around her waist. Lauren was holding a bouquet behind Camila's back and was visibly holding on to her girlfriend, at the time, tightly.

Lauren had surprised Camila after an early class in the most adorable way.

Camila, overly excited, didn't even wait for Lauren to meet her half way. She took off, running the last few feet and jumping into Lauren's arms. Lauren, completely caught off guard, lost her footing for a second but quickly regaining it. Camila's legs wrapped around Lauren's waist.

"Happy one year, baby." Lauren grinned from ear to ear. She wrapped her arms around Camila's waist and then hid her face in the younger girl's neck. Lauren placed a few kisses there before removing her head and kissing Camila's lips. When they parted, Camila lined up their foreheads.