We arrived at the flat and walked in the door. Neither of us had said a word since we left the hospital. I slowly walked over to the sofa and sank into the cushions, my eyes heavy.
Just as I was drifting off, Phil spoke up. "Why did you go hide?" I sat there for a minute, thinking of an answer.
"I didn't want you to see me crying." That was the only thing I could think of to say. He stared at me with his big blue eyes. I didn't realize how tired he looked until now. He had dark circles under his eyes.
"You know you can tell me anything right?" He sounded hurt. Did I upset him?
"Yeah I know. I just didn't want to talk to anybody right then. That's all. Don't worry about it." I stood up and walked down the hall to the darkness of my bedroom. I loved being in my room, it was very cozy and made me feel safe.
I heard Phil walking down the hall and opening his bedroom door. I checked the clock and realized it was almost 2 am. Shit I need to sleep, I have the radio show tomorrow.
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I woke up in a pool of sweat. I was shaking and I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I stood up and slowly opened my door, trying not to make too much noise. It was 4:15 am. I made my way to Phil's room and cracked open the door. To my surprise, he was sitting in bed on his laptop, not even noticing me. I walked in and he looked up. "What are you doing, Dan?"
He asked.
"I had a nightmare and I can't fall back asleep. Do you...do you mind if I sleep with you?" My voice was shaky.
"Of course not." He moved over so I would have room. I climbed in bed next to him and he wrapped his arm around me. I felt the warmth of his body surrounding me and I started to drift off. Before long I was asleep, but I didn't have another nightmare. I had a nice dream, about Phil.
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My eyes fluttered open and I could smell bacon cooking. I looked around and saw that Phil wasn't beside me, leaving me feeling cold. I got up and lazily made my way to the kitchen to see what Phil was up to. "Good morning." I said. Surprised to see him up this early.
"Good morning Sleeping Beauty. It's about time you woke up." I went over to the counter and grabbed a piece of bacon.
"What time do we have to do the radio show?" I asked. Phil continued cooking scrambled eggs and toast to go with the bacon.
"BBC called this morning and said it was cancelled. Said something about an awards thing. It's not that important though."
"Oh. Well then what are we going to do today?" He set the eggs and toast out on a plate and slid them over to me.
"I was thinking we could call Chris and PJ and see if they wanted to go to that amusement park in town." He sat down next to me and began eating. I loved him so much and I wished I could tell him. He thinks that I'm straight. Ever since 2012 I've told people that I'm straight. But now I know that I'm gay and no one knows except for PJ and Chris. They're pretty good at keeping things a secret.
"That sounds great! What time would we leave?"
"Around 4. I'll be right back." He said as he got up and walked into another room, pulling his phone out of his pocket.
I got out my own phone and pulled up Chris's contact.
Sunday, 10:18 am
Dan: hey Chris, I need to talk to you. Do you think we could meet somewhere?
Sunday, 10:20 am
Chris: yeah where do you want to meet? Is everything ok?
Sunday, 10:21 am
Dan: yeah everything is fine, how about we meet at the Star Bucks in town.
Sunday, 10:23 am
Chris: ok, is 11 am good?
Sunday, 10:24
Dan: sounds perfect. See you there!
I slid my phone back into my pocket and ate the rest of my food.
Phil finally walked back into the room and sat back down next to me. "PJ said him and Chris could come with us."
"That's great! So um Phil, I have to go into town in about 15 minutes. I won't be gone long though." I said.
"What are you going to do?" He asked, a confused look on his face.
"I'm just going to meet up with someone and talk. I'll only be gone for about 30 minutes."
"Ok." He looked back down at his food and poked at it with his fork. What was wrong with him?
I made my way to my room and threw on a random shirt and some skinny jeans. I looked in the mirror and realized that my hair was really curly. It was already 10:45, so I didn't have enough time to straighten it. Fuck it I'll leave it like this.
I sprinted down the hall and to the door. "Bye Phil! I'll be back soon!" I yelled.
"Ok!" He called back.
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I walked into the Star Bucks and looked around for Chris. I was 10 minutes late. I saw him waving and walked over to the table he was sitting at. "Hey Dan!" He said. Wrapping me up in a tight hug.
"Hi Chris." We both sat down at the table.
"So Dan, what is it that you wanted to talk about?" He asked cautiously.
"Um.. I-I need help with something." My voice was shaky and I was already stuttering.
"Well, are you gonna tell me what you need help with?"
"I-I want to come out to Phil and finally tell h-him about my feelings for him, but I don't know how." I blurted out, a little too loud. There were a couple people looking over in our direction.
"That's awesome! I can help you. So we're going to that amusement park later right?"
"Yes."
"Ok well I can get you too alone and then you can tell him. Or if you want to do something special you can win him a stuffed animal." He said excitedly.
"That's so cheesy. What if I just tell him when we're alone like you said." I was starting to shake slightly. I could feel my heart speed up. My palms were sweaty. Everything around me seemed to disappear but it was all still here. I couldn't breathe and my head was spinning. What's happening?
"Dan... Dan are you ok?" I heard Chris ask, I couldn't do anything accept shake my head. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't speak. He ran over to me and tried to calm me down.
"Dan what's happening?" He was almost yelling now. I felt tears run down my cheeks as I started to sob.
