I can't move. Can't sleep. Can't eat. I can't do anything. I miss the days when I was younger. When I didn't have to worry about life and its consequences. When I could run around outside freely and play with my friends. But now, I have nothing. I'm alone.
I don't want to think anymore. All I want is for these thoughts to go away. Thoughts that are telling me to hurt myself. Telling me to kill myself. I've considered it, but I'm a whimp and can't even walk to the cliff without thinking about him. I remember when we went there on the Fourth of July last year, how we sat there in silence and watched the fireworks. We were just friends at the time, but that didn't matter. I rested my head on his shoulder and fell asleep, him eventually doing the same. I just wish I could relive that moment. Is that too much to ask for?
I was staying in a motel in a town near London. The room was old and dirty. It smelled like piss and there were stains all over the rough bed sheets. Despite the poor condition of the room, I still stayed. I had no where else to go and I couldn't afford a nice hotel room.
I stared out the window at the tall buildings that were towering over the small motel. I could do it. All I had to do was take an elevator to the top and jump. Everything would be over. I would finally feel the relief I have been dreaming of. All the pain would leave my body. I would be happy.
But I can't do it.
Why can't I?
No matter how hard I try, I can't make myself do it.
Why am I such a failure?
All I can do is fall back onto the piss stained bed and sleep.
Sleep.
Not even that helps with the pain I feel. Every night I wake up shaking. My body frozen and my heart beating out of my chest. But it's all I can do.
Huh, I guess I can't really do much in general.
My stomach growls and I'm forced to try to eat something. Luckily I had brought my credit card and some lose cash with me so I could buy food. As I struggle to walk down the hall to the lobby, I see something. A shiver runs down my spine as I turn towards it, I have goosebumps all over my skin.
It's a man.
He's wearing a dark brown coat that comes down to his knees and he has on a hood. I can't see his face because of the bandana he's wearing over his mouth and nose. He continues walking in the other direction, leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open. Something about that man seemed familiar. I decide to leave it and keep walking to the lobby where the food was served.
I was disappointed to see that there weren't many choices of meals, but it was better than nothing. I got some undercooked chicken nuggets and cold fries.
-time skip to that night-
I was lying in bed when room service knocked on the door. "Hello?" They said.
"Come in." They walked in and handed me a phone.
"It's for you." I grabbed the phone and put it up to my ear, wandering who would want to talk to me.
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Sorry for not updating in a while. I finished writing the chapter before this a few days ago and I fucking forgot to publish it. Fml
I hope you're enjoying this <3
