ball boy • b.u

15; cassidy

I wanted to cry. I wanted to just let my walls down and burst into tears. One of my best friends just tried to kill himself. What would we have done if it worked? If he was actually gone? Ryan Ross meant so much to me, and I never thought he would ever do something like this. Yes, his dad is abusive and an alcoholic, but Ryan.. Ryan is strong, or so I thought. I refused to let myself cry while in the waiting room. I need to stay strong for Brendon, because he was beside me and a complete wreck. His face was in his hands and he sobbed violently. My arms were around him and he was leaning into me. I didn't know how to comfort him though. Sure, I've comforted people for things like pets or grandparents passing away. But your best friend attempting suicide? That's one I don't know how to help with. A nurse walked into the room, and my eyes moved from her shoes to her face slowly. She had dark maroon hair which was tied up, and black glasses perched on her nose.

"Are you Brendon and Cassidy?" she asked quietly. Brendon's head raised and he wiped his nose. His eyes were red and puffy. The lady nodded, and gestured for us to follow her. Brendon took a second to call down enough to stand and he held my hand the tightest he ever has. We walked down the grim halls of the hospital behind the nurse. The fluorescent lighting was almost blinding with all the white on the walls. We reached a room and she turned to look at us before opening the door. "He is okay to hug, but be gentle." she said. I nodded and Brendon just kept his head still. She opened the door and we stepped through, seeing Ryan's mom and Spencer. I locked eyes with Spence, his were red and puffy just like Brendon's. I felt my boyfriend's hand leave mine and he went over to Ryan. He was sleeping at the moment, wires hooked up all around him. Brendon's hand lifted and it covered his mouth. He sat down in the chair beside the bed and broke down again. I walked over to where Spencer was standing.

"Hey." I whispered. He kept his eyes on Ryan. "How are you doing?" His eyes dragged away from the skinny boy on the bed to look at mine.

"I think I'm okay. I'm just glad he's still here." he said, sniffling. I nodded, opening my arms a little as an invitation for a hug. He took it almost immediately and he hugged me tight. I rubbed his back a little to comfort him. "Thank you, Cassidy." he whispered into my ear.

"For what?" I asked. Spencer pulled apart to look at me.

"For being here for Brendon, for Ryan, for all of us." he said. I smiled,

"Thank you. Before I met you guys, I didn't have friends. Just people who I would talk to. You guys made me feel at home when I'm with you. You make me happy." I said and poked him in the chest. He smiled.

"My pleasure." he whispered. Spencer went and sat down on the couch behind us and I awkwardly made my way over to Ryan's mom.

"Hi. I know this is a weird time, but I'm Cassidy." I said. She turned to look at me.

"Hello, Cassidy. Are you the girl that's been helping with their band?" she asked. I nodded. "Thank you." she smiled.

"It's no issue. I love these guys to death." I said, taking a deep breath to refrain from crying. "I want to be sad, trust me. I want to cry, but in this type of situation someone needs to stay strong to support everyone else." I said, a little more under my breath. Ryan's mother nodded,

"That's very brave of you, darling. It's hard to something like that. I'm glad my son has a friend like you." she said. I smiled.

"I'm glad I have him, too." I said. Ryan's mom turned her body to me and pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back and when she pulled away, her hand still stayed on my shoulder.

"Stay with him, will you? He needs someone like you in his life for a long time." she asked, looking me right in the eyes. I nodded,

"I'll try." I said and offered a weak smile. She tried to smile, but I understand it was a little hard. She walked away and sat down beside Spencer. I walked back over to Brendon. He was sleeping now, tears dried on his cheeks. I sat down on the other chair beside him and decided to close my eyes also.I don't know how, but I know I will keep my promise. I'd do anything for my guys. Anything.