It's late. I should be sleeping. I'm not. Now that that's out of the way, moving right along into a nonsensical mini-rant-about-stuff session...
I hate negativity. Which is hilarious because everyone is negative at some point. I'm not naturally negative but I say negative things and I irritate myself when I do this. I feel guilty when I catch myself complaining in rapid succession or being unusually cynical and pessimistic. Then I'm just like, I did not raise you to be like this.
A few days ago I was coming out of the movie theater and it was raining. Not pouring, just general rain. People were scurrying with umbrellas and my mom and brother were scurrying underneath a sweater to hide from the falling dihydrogen monoxide. I almost joined the frenzy. But then my brain slowed down to back when I was a kid and I danced in the rain. It hit me again how amazing walking in the rain was. I had forgotten this simple miracle of the clouds meeting my skin. I slowed down even more and relished every drop that greeted me. I need to do this more often.
A hard lesson I'm learning now is to stop over thinking. I'm remembering the reason why I like leaving decisions open-ended. I've tried tying all the "loose ends" lately in my life and oh my goodness what a horrific mistake this has been. There has been no joy in my actions. Stress and anxiety have become my constant companions. I refuse to keep living like this. I need to relearn that not everything has to be final and irreversible. And it's ok to slooooow down my thoughts.
Do you know how often I forget that people change? It's sad honestly. But it's so wonderful rediscovering how people change because it makes you appreciate the moments you have with them because neither of you will be the same person again and you will never have the same moment again. So meet people, have conversations, fall in love with souls. They're not going to be the same tomorrow.
Anyhow, I think I have tired my brain out sufficiently. Goodnight. Tell me your thoughts on any of my words that caught your eye. Regardless of whether you agree or disagree.
