Yours Truly, •Harry Styles• *paused*

Chapter 6- Becoming Aware

Chapter 6

Becoming Aware

I click the E button on the screen and watch as the image in front of me becomes an unpleasant one. All of the news feeds are filled with articles about the band splitting up. My band. And guess what. It's my fault.

Maybe it's the fact that it's not because of Anna dying. I made the choice to become isolated like this. I could've gone out, moved on. Anne would've even wanted me to! I could have been out there forgetting the past and embracing my future without her. Be with my fans. Doing what I love.

I can't forget that I let my band mates down. I've fallen in this state and pulled them down the drain with me. We all agreed if one of us wasn't in the band that we wouldn't keep our careers going. But I've never thought that by doing that, there not going to have the lives they've had for several years now. I've ruined it for them too.

I slam my laptop shut, and run my fingers through my hair in frustration.

Is it possible for someone to become insane by this? Because I can feel the sorrow and guilt eating me up like some leech. I can't just do anything about it!

But. But what do I do! The desperation I feel is absolutely insane. I can't even leave the freaking house.

The only thing I feel will bring me to peace is Anne. But I have to be realistic, no matter how much hurt I feel. She's never going to come back. She's gone and I need to get over it. I need to remember her, because I'm never going to forget the woman I loved; the only one, but I can still value her and move on. And that's the one thing I have to do now, if I want to get better.

I realize that I'm still standing up in the living room, so I put my electronic away and do what first comes to mind. As the first step to moving forward I can go outside. The last time I was in the outdoors was at her.. Funeral. Yeah it was. Can you imagine. It's been almost 2 months, but it seems like years, the days going past like a turtle in a race.

My hands reach for the doorknob and I can't help but hesitate as I come to realization. This, in a way, I know will help me, and so I turn the knob and let the breeze engulf me, and I take the few steps that will lead me into the sun.

I can't help but take a deep breathes of the fresh air and stay there for a few seconds. I never really thought about it, but the stuffy house was almost weighing itself on my shoulders and as I stand there on the porch I feel almost some sort of relief. Something I haven't felt in a while.

My feet carry me over to porch swing and I lean back, letting the wind and relaxing sway of the swing let me close my eyes and calm me. Which is almost foreign to me.....