Opening Up: Non-Fiction Stories about Give and Take, Volume 1

Chapter 15- by Arianna Grande

Everybody has had issues in their lives when they felt like they weren’t good enough because they were either told that, or just believe that they are. Something I have experienced was being put down by my family. All parents feel like they have their children's best interest at heart when in truth, they really don’t.  I feel as if my parents fall into this category. People aren’t always good enough for them and I am one of them. They put me down telling me to be like them in order to be perfect. I don’t like what they do and I never want to be like them.

It was 3 years ago when I got my first job. I worked at a swimming pool and was happy with it. Everybody there was like family....not that I knew what that was really. My mom never believed me when I told her I was going to work because she didn’t think I could pull off a job like that. I even signed up for a swim team just so i could invite her to competitions. She never came.

I had  just finished my 12th level of swimming. That was when I was offered both, the job and the spot on the swim team.  I was only 11 at the time. I was tall and skinny for my age which made me easier to whip past the water. At practice,my mom would walk in with me to my coach, ask them why they chose me, and whether or not they can see what talent really is. It never failed to anger me. My mom just has the ability to put people down with only the harshness of her word.

I am now 14 but nothing has changed. In fact, it got worse. I got upped in my job and joined a higher level of swimming in the 3 years. I did this without my mom knowing. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t get to do what I love. I’d be criticized and let down. Almost Every day at home, she would tell me I wasn’t good enough and would never amount to anything in life. I knew I shouldn’t believe her because my grades were good and I had a job. Her words still stung like the venom of a snake.

My mother was always going out, leaving the house a mess. Always leaving it for me to clean, which I had to do. Never cooked. My dad was never home,never caring. He was always better than my mom because he tried. It just isn’t in his nature to care. Still, nothing ever changed. My brother was given everything, my sister had run away and that left me alone to fend for myself. I was tired and upset about all the stuff my family did. They were all the same and I tried to differ myself from that category.

They both left me to be alone. I learned to do everything myself and not depend on anything or anyone. It was better that way. My life was easier at this point, but still nothing was perfect. Every time my mom would come home to ‘check’ on me,  insults were rapidly shot at me. At this point, I was beyond caring any more. What the insult were I’m not sure. I tuned her out to the best of my ability. It worked....for a while. Until she tried to take away the thing I loved most of all. Almost succeeding...

On a Wednesday, my day was going completely normal at school. Until I got a phone call from my mom at lunch, her sounding extremely angry. She asked me to meet her outside next to her car. The last thing on my mind was that she knew about my swimming team. I still knew something was up. My mom wouldn’t waste time in her precious schedule to take me for food or bring some.

I walked outside in the freezing weather, making fake cigarettes. Looking at her face made me scared. I wasn’t scared of my mom herself, I was scared of the authority she had over me. I opened the car door no knowing what awaited for me. There she told me the LAST thing I wanted to hear.

“You are no longer aloud to be on your swimming team. You went behind my back and that just proves how unreliable you are to not only me, but your team and family.”

I was completely speechless. Why must my mom always be that way? And did she really just mention my team in a passing like she knew them or cared? Like she gives a damn.

“Mom why can-”

“Get out and leave. My word is final.”

I stepped out of the car and walked back to school with tears in my eyes. I knew my life wasn't the hardest but I felt like sometimes it couldn’t get any worse. I felt like I was alone in a world full of massive people staring me down. Then here I was just being the person I no longer was aloud to be. I don't trust nor believe in my mother

“Trust is like a paper, once it’s crumbled it could never be perfect again.” I whispered to myself.

I don’t really have permission to allow myself to call the person who gave me life and put me on this world names, it seemed to judge mental. I knew I could do things no one else could because that was what I was meant to do. Whatever you do in your life is insignificant,but its very important you do it because no one else will. Insults hurt more than some people really know. Especially from someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. It hurts to receive but even harder to remember.

I carried on the rest of the school day dreading my return home. Everything there was never right. I wish I could live anywhere else but there. Away from the people you are just not aloud to choose. I just didn’t understand how she knew or why she would care. Then I realized she was being her self. Selfish and never caring.

I entered through the door with a sigh. I knew it wasn’t going to be a fun couple of hours. I entered to find my dad and mom sitting on the couch the living room. I rolled my eyes at the coincidence here.  Of course they just both happened to be there on the day I did something wrong. The only days they are ever home.

“You are such a #$%%. Going behind your own parents backs. Me and your dad are so @%$#^&*& sick.”

Before I even had the chance to speak, my dad shouted:

“No, you know what? Were both sick of you. My daughter was right in what she was doing. You are being selfish by not letting her do what she loves! She pays for what she does and you just have to take it away from her? The one time she finally gets something she wants to do you just have to come in and ruin it! Stop putting everyone down because you want to be the only person to succeed. Its disgusting.”

I stood there utterly speechless. I looked like a fish, opening and closing my mouth. That was the most selfless most definitely the best thing my dad ever did for me. My mom seemed to disagree with my opinion by the ‘look’ clearly written all across her face. She looked at me telling me with her eyes to leave. I gave her a little smug smile and walked out getting ready to go to work. I knew there would be yelling and I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. It was for the best this way. My parent could solve their own problems. I’m a teenager, NOT a therapist. I appreciate what my dad did but you can’t take back what we never had. You can only be manipulated only so many times, before even I love you, starts to sound like lie!