The Creek: The City where a Rose bloomed through concrete.

When it Rains it Pours

Senior is not going the way I expected it to; the only friends I have feeling some type of way towards me, for whatever reason I am not sure of, and my so called "boyfriend" of three years has stop speaking to me because of my decision to remain celibate.  I still can't believe the conversation I walked in on between my girls about me. Of course soon as I started to feel a tad better another adversity surfaces. My name is Fayth and all but I'm not sure how much more faith I can hang onto. On top of it all although I have not heard from Terek, there is no surprise that the three year relationship between Terek and I is out the bag and we are the talk of my school and I'm sure we are the talk of his too. See what I mean when I said Aniya nor  Soraya can hold water? Also some bones have been falling out the closet about Terek having a girlfriend that goes to his school. From what I have heard they have been an item since freshmen year of high school and she is 6 months pregnant with his child. Talk about adding salt to a wound.

I guess it is true, that when it rains it pours. My attitude and demeanor has been completely different lately. I try to smile like everything is okay but I know I'm not fooling myself nor am I fooling my mama. I know eventually she will come and ask me what has been going on with me, and as close as we are, I will tell her everything but right now I'm just not ready to allow my wounds to bleed. Each day I have been waking up falling into a deeper depression than yesterday. Although I feel as if my faith is shrinking, I still lay in my room at night and talk to God, or sometimes I just cry in hopes He will hear me.

"Hey ladybug, everything okay?" Mama asked

I was just sitting in my room when she walked in. I'm stuck between smiling with a lie and running to her and crying. I turned and looked at her with eyes full of tears and sorrow.

"No, mommy I'm not."  I said as I ran over to her and hugged her while finally breaking completely down like I needed to. Still unsure what the cause was, my mother just rocked me back and forth allowing me to cry it out. She doesn't even know her babygirl, her ladybug just had a small dose of life and its tribulations.

I cried for a total of 10 minutes, then I dried my eyes with my mother's help.

"Tell me what's wrong baby,"

"Mommy... I messed up. I lost my virginity to this guy I have been talking to and he is not who he claims to be." I said starting to tear up again

"What do you mean he is not who he say is?"  Mama asked out of curiosity

"He was never my boyfriend and he never really loved me. After it happened I told him it would not happen again because I will be married the next time it does happen; I have not heard from him since then. Also I cried to Aniya about what happened, and then at school the following Monday, I overheard her, kalia, and Soraya laughing at me. Mommy I feel like the whole world is against me and I don't know what to do." Now I was crying uncontrollably, saying it aloud made the pain much more real.

"Stop crying baby, momma knows how you feel. You made a mistake and it is okay. You know God forgives you, because He died on a cross to wash away messes just like this. Sweetie but you must forgive yourself and realize that it is not how you fall or how hard you fell, as long as you get back up. And do not cry about those girls laughing at you, that is just spilled milk that is not worth the tears. You walking into that bathroom was God showing you those girls were not truly for you."  Mama explained

I started to cry a little more and she continued to rock and hold me. I feel 10 times better than I did before our conversation.  I can't say I feel completely better but I do know it takes time to heal and I will be okay which feels like it will take forever. I cannot let this mess keep me from enjoying my senior year.