Unconditional (Book Two)

22. Where Our Memories Lay {Pt. Two}

Amelie's POV

I take one slow step forward into the house. My legs are shaking, and I feel a sudden weakness taking possession of me as I take a look around. Everything is exactly as it was the last time I saw it...full of love and happiness. I can't help but let myself feel defeated; let the sorrow and pain beat me up until I can't take it anymore, and die all covered in tears. I don't even have the energy to walk with my head high and pretend like I'm okay anymore. I don't have the energy to avoid breaking down, and stop the thoughts, nostalgia, and horrible feelings from making my mind fall down the precipice. Because no matter how many times I want to deny it in view of the fact of the blade that rips my heart open...I got to recognize that this time...Colin won, and this tears me down completely.

My legs tremble with weakness as I continue taking steps forward up the stairs, and tears fall down my face at the remembrance of the uncountable times that Jim and I walked together through this place. I remember once when he was mimicking me and almost fell down the stairs for being silly. I could even dare to say that I can still listen to our immense laughter echoing in these walls from those unforgettable days.

My heart skips a beat as I finish walking up the second floor, and I turn my head right to find the door to our bedroom. I feel paralyzed for a moment, as if all of my bones were frozen and my feet were nailed to the marble floor. But I finally manage to take a deep breath, and with shaking legs and an empty heart, start forward towards the door at a slow, unsteady pace.

My hand earthquakes as I place it on top of the doorknob gently. But before I get to turn it, and finally go inside the room that holds the most beauty, I close my eyes tightly as a tear rolls down my cheek. Finally, taking a deep breath, I turn the doorknob slowly, then opening the door as it screeches and sends me a complete feeling of nostalgia as the sound enters my ears. My legs feel heavy walking inside; my vision blurs as more and more tears start forming inside my eyes; and I feel like if my heart ceases to exist. The scent of the room is the same, the beauty of it is the same. I can even listen to our voices talking in the distance; I can see us cuddling in the bed, curled in a fluffy blanket together as we stare into each other's eyes, feel each other's skin, and just talk and talk for hours, as we would do. I feel a sudden urge to run to Jim's house, kiss him, and have him wrap me with his arms, as he used to do.

I throw myself on the bed with my face covered in tears and ruined makeup, and let myself sob like I did in the old times when I still wasn't Jim's couple. The heavenly scent of Jim's soft hair still lays on the pillow where he used to sleep. I close my eyes, as I control my crying, and I can see Jim laying next to me, smiling, and telling me that everything will be okay. It is a moment when I feel like I'm flying. There is a sudden warmth that runs through my entire body. My legs are light again, my heart's alive again. But as I reopen my eyes, I am back to reality, the misery I was in seconds ago.

With a heavy and unpleasant feeling in my chest, I stand up from the bed to get some tissues, but as I take a step back and turn around, my eyes meet with the pictures that rest on my desk. That feeling of paralyzation hunts me again while my eyes are fixed on the beautiful images of Jim and I...images that have been adding up as the years pass by. I stand in front of my desk now, and take a look at the picture I have from when we were fifteen years old. They then shift to some pictures we took on the cruise. Then comes one of our engagement, and finally, there is a picture of our wedding.

I feel how my legs weaken again when I take the beautiful image of our wedding in my hands, and stare at it with my eyes drowning in agony. Our faces were all full of happiness that day. The way we love each other is reflected in our expressions; the way I'm looking at him, the way he's looking at me, our smiles. We never in the world imagined what was awaiting us in the near future. How Colin would kill everything we once had, everything we once were, and every way we once felt. I can't help but fall down to my knees defeated, with the picture still on my hands, and start sobbing again at the thought of all of this. I never really imagined I could get to love someone as much as I love Jim...though at the same time I never really imagined I could get to hate someone as much as I hate Colin, but that's because I never really imagined that there could be someone as evil and cold-hearted as Colin is.