Seek and You Shall Find

Chapter 11

When his tongue traced my bottom lip asking for entrance, the voice in my head shouted louder for me to stop. It was shouting all the consequences this kiss will bring.

The kiss weakened me but I managed to use all the strength I had to push him away. I had to put up a wall between us so i removed all the emotions in my face. It was blank. I didn't want him to know what I was thinking.

I closed my eyes so I won't stare directly into his captivating azure eyes. Hell, I didn't know what I was thinking to kiss him back. I don't know what to feel. This is freaking confusing. Should I be happy? Regretful? Sad? In like? I didn't know.

He was my best friend. This would bring lots of complications. I didn't want complications. I don't want anything to change between us, I think. Nothing should happen between us. I don't want to lose him if something went wrong. I'd rather have him in my life as a best friend than not having him in my life at all. Crap.

I didn't even know why he kissed me. He just might have been confused or maybe he missed kissing somebody. Why would he kiss me?

The voice in my head echoed "He likes you, stupid."

Bullcrap. Why would he like me? I was no one. I was nothing. I was nerdy and ugly.

My eyes flew open when Trev decided to break the silence saying, "I'm sorry. But that was.. It was.. I... I...". Great he was stuttering. He was nervous.

I know why he's nervous. He didn't want to hurt me and he didn't know how to say it without hurting me. He's going to tell me he didn't really like me and he regretted kissing me so I cut him off and I said, "No. I'm sorry. It's okay. I feel the same way.".

My heart was beating hard but it hurt. It knows I was lying. It senses my feelings. Somewhere along the way, my heart might think I like my best friend. My heart's probably just confused. I don't know. But I don't regret kissing him. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

I smiled a bit but I was sure it didn't quite reach my eyes so I stared at his nose. So I won't look directly at his eyes.

He smiled his dazzling smile and I knew it was because he thought I didn't like the kiss like he did.

"So. Yeah. We. That...", he started to say and I continued by saying "Shouldn't have happened. I know. I'm sorry Trev.".

I was pretty sure that was what he was going to say but I didn't want to hear the words coming from him so I decided to say them myself.

A confused look was set in his face and I just laughed. I had to laugh. But my laughter was so fake.

"So you decided to use me as a practice for a new girl you like, right? You should’ve used a mannequin, you know. I heard they're better kissers.", I joked.

He didn't say anything. He was in a daze I guess. So I joked again, playfully slapping his arm "Hey! You stole my first kiss! But I guess better my best friend than a total drunk stranger huh?".