Strawberry Ice Cream

Day Three Hundred and Thirty

"I can't do this anymore," he said. He was rubbing his forehead as he spoke.

"Please," I don't know why I was begging, "Don't leave."

My body began trembling uncontrollably. I had this feeling of deja vu, like I had been through this before. And when I thought of it, I realized that I had been through it before. I remember you, and how you had broken up with me in much the same way, using similar words.

He looked at me, his eyes sad. "I can't love someone who doesn't love me back."

Tears were in my eyes. They weren't caused by the fact that he was breaking up with me, but by the realization that I had driven away another guy. I wanted so badly for him to stay, to love me, and for me to eventually love him back. But he couldn't do that, and I guess I didn't blame him. How could I force someone to keep loving me?

"Just," I began, "Give me another chance. I can love you, I swear."

"You can't just love someone on command," he smiled, sadly.

I didn't have a response for him, because I knew he was right. And for that reason I didn't protest when he pulled his jacket from the hook, and didn't say a word when he pulled it over his shoulders. When he walked up to me and kissed me on the forehead I didn't beg him to stay, and I didn't cry his name as he began walking out the door.

"But one more thing," he turned around and looked at me. I stared at him, wanting to put this imagine in my mind and keep it locked there. I could have an entire safe of people I had driven away.

"Yeah?"

"I hope the next time I see you, you're with him."

And with that, he left. And I sat down on my couch, confused and upset. But I didn't cry, not this time. I didn't cry over you and I didn't cry over him. I had done enough crying, and I just wanted to be happy. 

Later that night I came to a realization. I didn't need him to be happy, and I didn't need you either. I wanted you, but I didn't need you. And I needed to get past the wanting.