Stronger Than Depression

Chapter 1

Song: Let it sleep by Asking Alexandria

Hi! I'm Ema. Before I start with any stupid story from my stupid and boring life, I think it would be easier for you to know some basic things about me. I want to introduce myself. So, I'm Ema and I'm 16 years old.

I'm not that tall, somewhere about 1.66 meters and I'm chubby. Got some extra junk in a trunk. Lets just say that none of the existing jeans on this world actually fit me. My hair is super complicated. It's brown and straight but some strands are curly so it's hard to brush it and also style it. It's really long and always in a ponytail.

And when I say always, I mean ALWAYS. Almost 24/7. I feel like this will probably result by being bald in my thirties, but lets hope that doesn't happen.

My face is also chubby, my eyes are this weird shade of green and my lips are small but plumpy. I'm pretty pale and I love being pale.

People usually don't understand why, but I love vampires and all other supernatural beings. My skin is one of few things I actually love about myself and my body.

I hate myself and my body, but I love my skin and my nails, also my teeth, straight and white.

My biggest occupation and hobby is definitely music. Music is my life. It has helped me so much.

Music stopped me from cutting so many times and I'm grateful for that. I, myself, play guitar, ukulele and piano.

My favourite bands are Asking Alexandria, Black Veil Brides, BMTH and Nightwish. Which brings us to our next topic.

I'm pretty sure you assume that I look pretty edgy, kinda dark, or maybe even as a little demon. And here my friend you are super wrong.

I look like someone who would never listen to metal and rock. My style is pretty boring for a few reasons:1) I don't care about anything anymore. I don't even try.

2) Where I live people are very conservative and my parents are used to be very strict about the clothes, no tank tops and shorts, so I'm used to wear just black skinny jeans and variety of of T-Shirts.

What makes me sad is that I don't have any bands shirts, my parents don't allow this kind of music I listen to, so I have to hide it. So yeah, my style is the most boring style on a whole planet Earth.

And now, we're about to go over some serious stuff right here. So get serious, OK?

We're talking about state of my soul, or mental health. I have only two words for you: natural disaster.

Honestly, I'm really fucked up. And yes I swear but not in front of my parents because I have to pretend to be a normal person.

It's like there are two completely different people inside of me. One is for everyone around me. One that is normal, lazy, boring and shy.

But, this other person that I truly am, that isn't my mask is different. She likes bands, she likes to scream and isn't lazy but too sad and her mind only thinks about getting away and suicide.

At the same time, most of the time, I feel like the world sees me as a pathetic sad loser who is waiting for chance to kill herself (which is not far from truth, I even attempted suicide 2 times, once in 7th grade and once in 9th grade but I didn't tell anyone. I feel like I'm not welcome anywhere.

And now, on summer vacation, what am I doing?

Laying on my bed whole day, listening to music and over thinking. About life. About myself.

This summer I finally accepted one part of myself.

I'm asexual.

I doubted that so long, I was doing lots of research and finally accepted myself. It feels so good and makes me happy.

But I have to find another part of myself. So I decided.

This is it. I'm starting now. I know it will be hard.

First thing: socialise. For antisocial person like me, this will be a huge step.

Tomorrow, my family is going to visit my aunt Zara and I will go with them, I promise. I don't go anywhere, mostly because I'm too scared and always something bad happens.

For example, one time I was forced to go to the Mall with my family and I almost killed some innocent baby.

I stopped by one store where I saw some cool Vans. When I turned around, I didn't see a woman with a kid and I crashed into them and she was so angry I thought she would eat me alive. The kid wasn't harmed, so that is a good thing.

Anyway, I have no idea how will I survive tomorrow, but I should really give it a try. I just have to act normal and look at the things from the bright side.

Only thing I know for sure is that there will be a lot of food, and hey, I guess that is a good thing, right?

And it's finally here!! New version of the old story "Here I Am". I hope you will enjoy this. I want to say sorry for mistakes, my English isn't perfect... I really hope you will love the story. I love you and stay positive you beautiful person. Yes, I'm talking to you. <3