Stronger Than Depression

Chapter 2

Song: Doomed by BMTH

Today is the day. Today is the beginning of the revolution. A new life. Wow, I won't say a new life.

We won't be so dramatic. All I need to do is to try and survive being with bunch of people. No big deal. At all.

But, I don't feel like going anywhere today. I can't. It's just..agrhh... it's so hard to explain. This feeling I get when I have to go somewhere, it's like I have a rock in my stomach and someone is squeezing my brain, really strange feeling. Painful.

Problem with me is that whatever I try to do I quit. I just don't care anymore. I lost my positive stand for anything in life. I guess all this was just a really bad idea.

I do not need to change. "Yes, you do." inner voice. That motherfucker can be annoying. But, when I think about it, I really should go.

No! I have to go. For real. There is literally WW3 going on in my head right now.

My demons are strong and super annoying, but they won't get this fight because I'm going. The end of the story. Now I have to figure out what to wear, but that ain't hard because I only wear black jeans and T-Shirts. So I took a good look in my closet and picked a shirt with an ice-cream on it and of course, black jeans.

I also put on my BMTH bracelet. I put on my Nike air-max and got in the car. Deep breaths Ema. God, this will be hard for me. Help!

While we were driving to my aunt Zaras house, my two sisters were fooling around all the time. Yes, I have two younger sisters, Bianca and Ciara who are just too happy, but I don't like it when they fool around too much. I don't want dad to get distracted and you know the rest of the story.

I don't care about my life, but I love them and want them to be safe. After about 20 minutes of driving we arrived at my aunts house.

Her house is big white two story house and is so beautiful. We got out of the car and aunt hugged us all, precisely, squeezed our souls out.

My sisters immediately went outside to play with our cousin Alexandra. She is about their age and they get along perfectly.

I honestly had no idea what to do, so I just sat there all the time when my aunt asked me: "How are you? I haven't seen you in a really long time."

"Oh, you know her. She doesn't like going anywhere because she doesn't know what to do. She is too old to be with kids and too bored to hang with us old people, too." my mum interrupted before I even managed to open my mouth.

I gave her that THANKS FOR TELLING HER EVERYTHING, MOM look and then responded:"I'm fine aunty. It's nice to see you again. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm great honey, thanks for asking. How's school?"

"Well, it's vacation now, you know, but it's good." I smiled, or at least tried to.

"So, tell you aunty... do you have a boyfriend?" She asked suddenly with that weird smile plastered on her face they all have when they ask you this particular question.

"Oh yes, I have a lot of boyfriends, lots of baes..."

"She watches too much of that Miranda Sings girl on YouTube." mum said.

"Oh my God, no aunt, of course not. Please." I pinched bridge of my nose.

Why do they always ask that question? God, I hate that question!

Leave my sexual life alone, please. Stupid family.

BTW, I don't really know how to explain my sexuality to people, so I remain silent about it. Plus, this isn't easy.

Nobody believes you and they all think you are some weird/not normal/killer/psychopath person, or I don't know what. Once, I tried to explain it to my parents and they told me:"It's just a phase. You will find somebody one day."

Please. You know, there is nothing wrong with being a cat lady one day.

"I made some pancakes." aunt Zara said.

"Yay." was all I managed to say. She made my favourite pancakes. I was so happy to eat them.

I know I will regret this later. For the rest of the night "we" just chatted while children were still playing outside.

Where do they get all that energy from? While "we" chatted, I just remained silent most of the time and listened to them talking.

I guess I made at least some progress by coming here. When it was about 8PM we finally headed home and when we got home, I went back to my old lifestyle and by that I mean just listening to some good BVB music, laying on my bed and thinking about life.

I think that today everything went just fine. Well, almost everything, if we forget about my aunt asking me about boys.

Oh no. I ate too much today.

I ate pancakes and drank Coca-Cola. It makes me so sad.

I have problems with food. Here is the thing: I want to eat, then I eat to much, then I feel bad, sometimes I even puke.

That is how much I hate myself. My fatness destroys this little self- confidence I barely have .

So, self- confidence, zero points for you. Maybe I should exercise and eat less and healthier.

Maybe this way I will change my look and become skinnier and happier. Also, I could work out something about my wardrobe.

So, I decided that I will exercise really hard because that is the only was to get rid of this fatness that surrounds me. And of course,I will start tomorrow.

I have a big day in front of me. I turned my night lamp off and fell asleep.

Another update!! I hope you enjoyed it and I hope that this isn't too much information and you can understand story so far. Also, I apologise for my bad English. Did u enjoy this?
I love you and be positive!! Don't be like Ema. We can just hope that one that she will be positive, too.😊😊💟💟 Please vote and comment! I care about your opinion.