When We're Both Thirty

Mikey the Voyeur

Gerard really does feel like he's at a sleepover when he wakes up with his face against the ground and people whispering behind him. His back literally feels like it's been nailed to a plank of wood. It's not pleasant. It's actually pretty painful.

The two of them aren't being overly quiet though. Gerard can't even help himself from listening in on them the moment he hears them talking.

Gerard misses the first thing Mikey says, but he hears Frank's response to it, even though he's trying to whisper.

Frank says, "Not like it meant anything."

"No, because making out with someone doesn't mean anything these days," Mikey replies, and Gerard's heart falls. He cannot believe Frank told him. Why on earth would Frank tell him? Mikey probably would've figured it out on his own, but seriously? Frank is an idiot.

Gerard decides not to move, because he's interested to hear what else the two have to say. So what if he's an eavesdropper? If they really wanted to keep things secret, they wouldn't be talking here.

"It wasn't like that," Frank says.

"Frank, you were making out for like four solid minutes. I mean, I'm not good at counting, but it felt like that much."

"You're just really creepy. I mean, who pretends to be asleep? That's just stupid. You are a voyeuristic pervert."

"It worked," Mikey replies. Gerard curses to himself. He's not at all sure how he let that happen. He should've been able to tell if Mikey was actually sleeping. He supposes that this means he probably has no reason to be angry at Frank then, because he didn't actually tell Mikey anything. He's going to be mad anyway. He's mad that all of a sudden he's really longing for a parallel universe where he and Frank had been friends. That's all Frank's fault. He's not sure how, but Gerard will still blame him.

"But it's creepy!" Frank says, "Like, who pretends to sleep just to peep on his brother making out on someone? That's weird!"

"I didn't know things would go as well as they did. I just knew that it'd force you to talk, and you did, but then you made out, which was not a part of the immediate plan, but it was on the long list, so I'd say it's okay. Though, I was banking on you guys holding hands first."

"Is that why you tried to make us hold hands last night?" Frank asks. "That's weird. You're, like, an evil... well I was going to say genius, but you're not if you honestly think I like Gerard. So what's the ultimate thing on your list for me and Gerard?"

"Well I've left it basically open after your wedding so as not to put too much pressure on you, but I'm planning on you two at least making gingerbread houses with your small people."

"Small people? Kids?"

"That's what I said."

"Mikeyway, sometimes I question just how human you actually are," Frank states.

Gerard can practically hear Mikey shrugging. He tries to stay as quiet and motionless as he possibly can so that he can dig up something bad that Frank might admit to Mikey, but he wouldn't admit to Gerard. Maybe Mikey will ask the question Gerard's dying to know the answer to. What is his mother so disappointed in him over?

"You know what'll really get Gerard to fall in love with you?" Mikey asks.

"Whatever it is, I must avoid it at all costs."

"He's totally got the hots for anyone in a band. You should take him to one of your shows. Are you guys any good?"

"Good enough to pay the rent."