[SPIN-OFF TO LETTERS TO CAMILA]
"you are the crack of sunshine that I can't see,
the waves to the raging sea,
but I still can't get to you.
no matter how hard I try, it doesn't work that way. I wish I could touch you again.
but you're gone, and you...
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chapter one ; can't
Sometimes, you let go of the people you love the most. But other times, you leave them. It seemed so unfair, but you have to stay above it all, hoping they'd come back and love you just the way they used to. That happened, right? Just when everything felt right—he decided to leave her. When she was feeling so happy about their relationship. But why did he leave her so soon? Why did he even leave in the first place?
Memories crashed into Camila's head, making her remember the moments that they were so happy. Why weren't they happy anymore? A tear slipped down her cheek as she came to a realization. It was me, she sniffled. Was it actually her—the person who did everything so perfectly? It was mostly the heartless boy, the one who broke hers when he didn't have one. And so she remained, crying and the space that he had left in her heart.
She didn't deserve this, she didn't deserve any of this at all. Why did he do this to her? To make her feel this way, and to be cold and guarded about whatever she did?
The clueless girl shook her head, her head still pounding from all the past crying and sobbing of what happened in the last few hours.
But while she was doing that, Shawn was trying to move on. Move on from her, go away and push her from him. She didn't deserve your love, you sick bastard. He felt the ultimate guilt building in his throat as he shook his head and fell to his hands. What felt like a grunt and mumble mixed together escaped his mouth as he gritted his teeth and regretted leaving her.
Of course, his new lover had to ruin the moment. Lila walked into the room, gasping at the sight of him with his head in his hands, crying and screaming for air. He needed her, he needed Camila. She always calmed him down, especially in panic attacks. Shawn couldn't face fear alone. But he fought through it, with her.
And that's why he left.
The boy left her, because he thought he just used her. God, he didn't want to hurt her. But he hurt her even more in the end, which made him hate himself more and more as the months went on.
Broken pieces of glass lay shattered on the floor, scattered in places that were sure to give you a deep cut. Lila's hand was around her mouth, shocked at him. Why did he do this? Was it the anger, or was it him missing her and hugging her until the last of his days, like he thought he would?
"Shawn," Lila's forehead formed a crease in the middle, as her eyebrows scrunched together in pity. "Why is there glass—shattered—broken on the floor, baby?"
He looked up, seeing a small frown on her lips as she dropped her hands to her side. She knew he missed her. That was all he talked about. They both knew that he loved her, and still wanted her. But he didn't want to admit, because he still wanted Lila. He was perfect for her, but she wasn't perfect for him. He wanted and needed Camila.
"I—I don't know, please forgive me. It just started as a one time thing, but I think I'm .. i'm still heartbroken, you know? It's not that easy forgetting someone you knew for five years, having the guilt and pain that you left them." Shawn said, sighing. Every thing he said; it was all true. "I'm so sorry, Lila. Please just hold me, baby."
She nodded, carefully walking into the room, watching her step, as Shawn scooted farther away to press his head into the pillows. Lila was cautious of her surroundings, and she thankfully made it to him and jumped into his arms. Small giggles made their way around the room, as she hovered over him. His hands flew to her hips as they laughed more, still thinking about the way that she looked like she was playing hot lava in his room.
Her scent was like vanilla—and it only made his condition worse. Camila smelled like that, and it always gave him the "warm fuzzies" even if it was a girl thing. It calmed him a little bit, though.
