[SPIN-OFF TO LETTERS TO CAMILA]
"you are the crack of sunshine that I can't see,
the waves to the raging sea,
but I still can't get to you.
no matter how hard I try, it doesn't work that way. I wish I could touch you again.
but you're gone, and you...
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chapter two ; sad thoughts
Camila's fingers grazed over her journal as she sat in the clear chair, thinking of how she could get over Shawn. She wanted to, really. The past months have been absolute hell for her, with the absence of him. He definitely took a space and important role in her life, but never one of those short relationships where you know it would end. She never knew that, she never did. And she hated herself for that. For letting herself get attached to him, when in the end he would leave and tear her apart. The same question was repeated in her head multiple times, her trying to figure out why he left. Was it just personal problems? Or .. Did he find someone else?
Her throat caught from the thought of him cheating. No, he would never do that. The way he cradled her in his arms, and protected her like there were evil men trying to take her away from him—it all seemed like he loved her. And they all knew, she'd be the death of him. Her brown locks, luscious, creamy skin—and the soft giggle that would light up his smile.
The paper in her fingers crumpled, the small sketch being thrown across the room into the garbage can behind her bed as she swirled around in her chair. Think Camila, think.
Finally, an idea popped in her head.
She tore a piece of paper from the small journal and gripped her pen, ripping the cap off from the pen itself.
Camila .. was going to tell him the truth.
Dear Shawn,
If you ever read this—which I hope you don't—I just wanna say I'm completely sorry. I'm so sorry for being head over heels for you, for thinking you were in love with me. I'm sorry for getting attached, because God knew I'd be heartbroken at the end. I really am very, very sorry for whatever I did to make you leave. I thought that if you loved me, you would have stayed.
I'm writing this not because I am jealous—though truly, I am—I wanted to apologize for how stupid this past relationship was. I should have known that you didn't want me anymore.
Lord, I was so caught up with you. I loved you so much. I wanted you—even if I hayed you now today. I'm hoping that when I write these letters for you, I can move on. I don't want to hold on to this anymore.
Because from the start, it had seemed like you loved me.
But now, it only makes me cry and think of how I thought you were mine.
I love you, still. Just not as much as I used to.
Love, Camila.
She folded the piece of paper and threw it in the box below her, her heart dropping as a memory came into her mind again.
