SAFETY PIN || AFI

Disease

We spend the next 8 hours doing random things, eating, playing games, and singing to music, it's the most fun I've ever had. I arrived from Ashton's about 3 minutes ago, my dad calls me down to the kitchen, I walk down the stained carpets on the stairs. I walk into the kitchen and see my dad with bags under his eyes, and his nose is red.

"What's wrong?" I ask curiously, it's not like I care about his feelings since he doesn't care about mine, but I want to know why he's crying.
"It's your mother, right after you left I had to rush her to the hospital, she was having a seizure or something, I tried calling you but you wouldn't answer. She's gone Tay."

I couldn't stop the tears, my feet began walking themselves to my dad and my arms wrapped around him, he awkwardly hugged back as we cried together. I never thought this would happen, but once again. Happiness is limited, and then the pain cycle starts all over again letting in occasional sunshine. But it's never a rainbow.

"C-can I go t-to my friends please? I need h-him right now." I manage to say, I feel so broken, I feel like the mirror snapped in half instead of being shattered. Like the paper and cloth were burned. Ash won't find use in it now. He's going to throw me away like garbage now.

"Yes, be back by 9 pm tomorrow." He said sadly, they had a love/hate relationship. I feel bad for leaving him here. But I need Ashton to comfort me while I'm crying, to hold me, and to whisper sweet nothings in my ear to calm me down. I take my bike and ride my way to his house, it's only about 2 miles away.

After 10 minutes I arrive at his house. Still crying my eyes out, I knock on his door 3 times. 15 seconds later he opens the door in just sweatpants. Holy fuck. I hug him as tight as I can. He's already calming me by hugging me.

He notices me crying and picks me up bridal style, he takes me to his couch and sets me on his lap, he doesn't say anything, which I'm thankful for. He just strokes my hair and wipes my tears. I calm my crying until it's only hiccups and a few tears, he rubs my back slowly to comfort me.

After I'm done crying and done hiccuping, he asks me, "Do you want to talk about it?" I slowly nod my head. I tell him all about my mother dying because of a disease she didn't tell us she had, and my father, and their arguments he just listens, he makes a sad smile.

"I feel like I'm going to be happy again, but I also feel like I will never be happy. I feel like the clothing was burned, but it was also stitched. You're what helps me, I feel like there's no problem in the world when I'm with you, I feel like everything is perfect." I say slowly with a soft smile. He smiles at my words, I get pulled in to a warm hug.

"Do you want to know why I was crying at the park when we first met?" He asks me, "If you're comfortable?" He nods his head with a sad smile. "I was crying because of my fans, they always attack me with their phones in my face and I'm sick of it. They treat me like I'm not human, like I'm just an art exhibit. I hate it so much, and they start hating on anyone I talk to, they don't even know them and they think that they can go around and judge everyone I meet, it scares them away. There's still nice fans out there. You're the first one who hasn't mobbed me with your phone, or who hasn't ran away from me because of the hate. You're special to me Taytay." His eyes sparkle and he has the most adorable smile on his face, I couldn't help the grin that was creeping up on my face.

"You mean so much to me too Curly, I left something out when I told you why I was crying at the park. I did something. I cut myself. It used to be the only way to let the pain out, to let it ooze out with the blood. I'm sorry." He looks extremely sad and worried, "Why? Why would you do that to yourself? You ruined your amazing body by putting scars on your pretty soft skin. I'm not mad, I could never be mad at you. But I wish you never did it, you deserve better than what you have. I will help you through this, I will be your Safety Pin." (WERE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER)

"Thank you." I softly whispered. He nodded and he slowly lifted up the sleeves of my hoodie, revealing my cuts. He lifts my wrists up and kisses each scar, I get butterflies again, what the fuck is happening?

I can't be in love with him?

Can I?

Fuck, I am.

He strokes my cheek and before I know it we are both leaning in. There's an inch left before your lips connect, "I have been waiting for this moment." He whispers, and he get rid of that inch that was in between us by connecting his lips to mine, I didn't feel sparks like I expected. I felt like I was home, where I belong.

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