Make Your Heart Race

The Pain, The Regret

Syo P.O.V

How long has it been since that day. How long have I stayed in the very same spot, only to torture myself with thoughts of rejection. Making myself only feel worse. But, how can I get past the feeling. The words that haunt me, keep replaying and replaying in my head. No other torment could be worse than solely those words.

'nothing will ever happen.'

Those very words spoked by the one, I fell for at mere sight of him. Tears formed in my eyes, a tear made its way down my cheek, covering my face with new tear stains. I haven't made any effort to improve the state I was already in.

Such a selfish move, right? But, I didn't care anymore. Too hurt to care anymore. Ai made it clear that he doesn't care. So, why should I? Why did I get my hoped up. I should've known this would have happened. How dissapointing for it to be like this, for me to be in a such a pitiful state.. Just comes to show how pathetic I am.

"Ai..." I began to sob, and curl into a ball. Smallest tries to comfort myself. I wouldn't leave my room. I didn't seek the comfort of others. I don't need to look for hope in other things...

My tears slowed to a stop, my eyes were red and swollen from crying. I sighed and sat up. The door opened, I knew Natsuki had entered the room, I looked over and he gave me a sad look. He walked over to me, and held me in an embrace,

"Syo-chan... I want to see you smile again.. I want the cute Syo-chan again.." Natsuki is the only one I'd been able to talk to without breaking down, I'd also decided I'd only talk to him the past couple days.

"I'm sorry..." I hugged him back, and trailed off, "it just hurts, Natsuki." I began to cry again,

"Syo-chan..." Natsuki held me tightly

"I'm so sorry about Ai.. Syo, I really am."

Hearing his name made me cry even more.

"Why did I have to fall in love with him, Natsuki?" I questioned, "why couldn't it have been someone else.." Natsuki pulled back a bit,

"Syo-chan, I'm sure there's a reason you fell in love with him. But, you'll never know if you stay here everyday. Syo, you can't just give up. So, please-" Natsuki was interrupted by a knock on the door. Natsuki smiled, then stood to answer the door. I laid back in bed, I didn't care who was at the door, I made no effort to listen.

I hear Natsuki close the door and walk back to me, so I opened one of my eyes.

"Syo, we need to go." Natsuki said,

"Why? Where?" I groaned and turned away, 'I really don't want to see him...'

"I don't know why. But, I was told we should go to the lounge room as soon as possible. Both me and you." Natsuki explained,

"I don't want to go..." Natsuki frowned, at my words

"But, Syo-chan." I sighed again.

"Natsuki.. give me a good reason why I should go." I said, and Natsuki thought,

"Well, you could do it for Starish, or for me... the other's are worried about you too.." Natsuki trailed off. Once again, I sighed and sat up slowly.

"Fine, Natsuki" I said, Natsuki clapped and smiled,

"Oh, good Syo-chan." I smiled slightly, and got up. 'I hope I don't regret this.'

I got ready, and thoughts clouded my mind. I didn't want to run into Ai down in the lounge room. The thought of Ai, made me stop where I stood. A tear rolled down my cheek, Natsuki turned to me and frowned slightly, and walked toward me,

"Syo, it'll be okay." Natsuki comforted me, as he set his hand on my shoulder and smiled reassuringly. I nodded slightly,

"Yeah.." I continued to get ready. Then I left to go to the lounge room with Natsuki.

When we arrive at the lounge room, the rest of the guys were there. I sighed and walked over to sit with them. They all gave me concerned looks as I sat next to Otoya. None of us said anything, but all their eyes were fixed on me. It bothered me, though I still said nothing.

"Are you okay, Syo?" Otoya asked, I just nodded. I didn't feel like talking. I looked up at them, meeting all their gazes as I smiled slightly.

"It's good to see you smile again, Ochibi." Ren gave a warm smile, then he looked at Masato who smiled back.

"Why are we here anyways?" Tokiya asked.

"We don't know, we weren't given a reason. Just to come here." Masato amswered.

"You guys too, huh." Tokiy sighed, just as the lounge room's door opened. I lowered my head, as the rest turned to look at the door. I couldn't let myself look, I knew I would make eye contact with.. him... My head lowered even more at the thought of him.

"Who's that?" Otoya murmmered. 'damn.. just keep your head down..' I can't risk to look yet.

"So, who's this?" Ren asked,

"This," Reiji began, "is Cecil Aijima. He will be here now, with you on the Master Course." 'what?' I looked up slightly to peek at him.

Dark hair, tanned skin, tall, thin, and green eyes. Probably the best thing was the color of his eyes.

I noticed he.. Cecil, was staring at someone, who? I followed his gaze to Natsuki.. hm.. I lowered my head again. Doesn't real mean anything, right?

"And?" Tokiya asked, "is that all or is there more?"

"Yes," a voice said.. 'that voice.. that damn voice' I feel as if I'm going to break down..

"He will now be a part of Starish." said Ai. 'I've had enough.. I just need to leave.. but..' I waited,

"So, make him feel welcome." Reiji said warmly,

"Are you not going to introduce yourself, Aijima?" Ai said... I broke, I stood up and nearly ran out of the room. Crying, the tears flowed from my eyes uncontrollably. 'I knew I'd regret this.!'

'Why am I such an Idiot?!' I knew I would regret leaving my room. All of this over Ai.. how pathetic can I get. I can't shake this hurt, this pain that's hovered over me since that day. I slowed down and leandd against the wall for support, I feel weak.. I feel to my knees just feet from my room. I hav no energy to move myself.

"Ai..." I sobbed.. as I tried to move more, not being able to. I stopped, and sat there and laughed at myself.

"Damn Syo, you really are pathetic.." I spoke aloud to myself. But, it's true.. I am pathetic. The tears stopped flowing. Soon enough I was just sitting there. No will to move, or do anything.

I hear footsteps approaching,

"Syo..."