easy lovers || 5sos

10

I really hope none of you know where I live. I value my life. Plus I'm seeing the boys live in 10 days.

Mia's POV

15,840 minutes since I held Sailor in my arms. My innocent baby. Calum's child. Calum is a wreck. I think he's worse off than I am.

The day we got home all we did was stare at the small nursery my mother had set up for Sailor. She thought she was coming home with me. Calum cried while holding my sobbing body.

Some say that the death of a child drives a family apart but I say it brought us together. The painful reminder of Sailor is still etched into my soul. Her small body in my arms. She was so cold but strangely warm.

I stared at the blanket in my hands. The blanket she was wrapped in for a short time. "Hey lets go get some coffee. You haven't left the house since we have gotten here." Calum whispered pecking my forehead. He sat in front of me but I stared right through him.

I knew it was hard for him too but how is he handling it? I looked at his eyes and saw pain. "Yeah let's go. Coffee sounds nice." I whispered. He helped me up and I slipped on a jacket. It was a bit chilly out.

"Here just slip on some Addidas." He whispered tying my shoes. I felt numb. It didn't help that the faint bump was still there from her short stay in my womb. He pulled me up off of my bed and slipped my phone in his pocket guiding me down the stairs.

The bitter outside air nipped at my nose. It was nippy. I pulled my jacket around me and walked to the car. The guys climbed into the backseat and Calum climbed into the drivers seat.

"Let's go to Gizzies. It's just out in Box Elder. Go out down the road to the highway and take it out of town." I said looking out the window. He nodded and did as I told.

30 short minutes later we arrived at Gizzies. Calum helped me out of the car and we walked inside. "Black coffee." I whispered knowing he would ask what I wanted.

He nodded and sat me down with the guys as he went to order. I played with her tiny blanket as the guys conversed. "Mia are you okay?" Luke asked rubbing my shoulder.

I shook my head. "She was so frail yet so full of life at the same time. She was my world. She was our world. She was supposed to grow up and walk, talk, sing, dance, graduate, get married, and and have kids. She wasn't supposed to go out like this. She was supposed to live a happy full life. We were supposed to raise her. I didn't get to even hear her cry!" I whispered the last part.

I was sobbing and the elderly couple in the corner looked at our table confused. Calum pulled me into his lap and rocked me.

"Shh baby. We're alright. Wait no we aren't. It's not okay. We were supposed to raise her but we didn't because of that girl. We will most likely never get over this and that's okay but we have to be there for each other." He cried.

"It's alright calling out for somebody to hold tonight. When your lost I'll find a way and I'll be your light. You'll never feel like your alone. I'll make this feel like home." Home by One Direction played through the small speakers and I was choking as I heard the lyrics.

"Sailor wasn't supposed to die. We were supposed to raise her Cal." I cried. He nodded rubbing my cheek. "We should have a small funeral for her. Just us and some family." Luke said quietly sipping on his cup of tea.

I looked up sniffling. It was a great idea. "Yeah I like that idea. We can have her cremated so that she will always be with us. We can do the ceremony at dinosaur park." I said standing up shakily.

The guys nodded along as I planned how the whole ordeal would go. We would take her cremations up there and have a small picnic than later we would take it to the jewelers and Calum and I would get some ashes in small lockets that we could wear. "She will always be with us." I whispered as I finished explaining to the guys everything.

They all thought it was a good idea but I secretly dreaded it. I didn't want to even think about carrying around her ashes instead of her.

We finished and walked out to the car. The sky was darkening and I could smell the rain. "Let's do the funeral another day. Come on." Calum said buckling me up. The whole ride home the boys chatted and sang to try and cheer me up.

When we got home I walked up the stairs numbly and peeled off my clothes laying down curling up into a ball sobbing. I don't know how long I cried for but it felt like forever.

********************

"Mama!" Someone squealed jumping on the bed. I peeled open my eyes and saw Sailor sitting on my chest. "Sailor!" I said picking her up and tickling her. "Mia. Come on. Sailor needs to open her presents!" Calum yelled up the stairs. I looked out the window and saw snow powdering the ground.

That wasn't there yesterday. "Sailor look outside! That's called snow. Can you say snow?" I asked jogging down the stairs. "Sow!" She shouted giggling.

Her accent was really thick for being almost two years old. "Alright Sailor come to uncle Sammy!" Sam said grabbing her from my arms. "Her first snow!" I squealed pecking Calum on the lips.

Last Christmas we were in Australia with Calum's family so this year we are spending it with mine. "Okay Sail. Open our presents first and mummy and daddy's." Ben said as him, Grey, and Jack started setting out presents in front of her ending up with 20 between the four of them.

"Jesus you guys we have to take this all back!" I cried putting my head in my hands. "Her playroom is already almost full." Calum agreed. "Well suck it up." Ben said laughing as she ripped open the presents.

She ended up getting a lot of clothes and toys between the six of us. My parents got her a new blanket from their recent trip to Russia.

"Hey lets go play in the snow!" I suggested. They all agreed and got snow gear on as I pulled on my snow boots. "Okay Sailor. This is your first lesson in snow. Always always wear a hat and boots. Hat for the protection against the cold and boots for good gripping." I finished zipping up her jacket.

They guys trudged down the stairs and Ben picked Sailor up carrying her outside. I followed them outside and stood beside Calum on the front steps watching as the guys played in the snow with her.

"Merry Christmas baby!" Calum said pecking my lips. "Merry Christmas." I said laughing as he shuffled from the cold. "Cold?" I laughed. He nodded and laughed along.

Tired squealed as a car slid towards where the guys were playing with Sailor. "Car!" Calum screamed and they looked up.

It happened so quick. I heard tires screech and screams. The sounds of metal crushing. I didn't stop to think of the ice five feet in front of me. I just wanted to get to my baby. I took off running but slipped and fell back smacking my head on the concrete.

"Sailor!" I screamed shooting up sobbing. I sobbed for two seconds before everyone ran into the room. "Where is my baby give me my baby!" I chocked before I realised what I said. "It felt so real." I cried as Calum held me in his arms rocking my sobbing body. "It was so real." I sobbed again. He nodded along in agreement and hummed a song of his to calm me down. It felt real to me.

Cowriter angel_skylynne