Um-absent nalang ako kinahapunan noong araw na 'yun. Nang gigigil akong bumalik ulit sa skwelahan para tirisin ang mga kaklase ko pero hindi ko na ginawa. Sayang sa energy.
Pagdating ko sa bahay ay dumiretso ako agad sa kwarto. Pagpasok ko ay agad akong napatingin sa salamin ng aking cabinet. Na smudge pala 'yung mascara ko. Namumutla rin ang aking bibig. Siguro ay dahil sa pagmamadali at pagtakbo.
Lumapit ako sa salamin. I touched my cheeks. I touched my lips. Ang putla. Ang hina.
Napatingin ako sa frame na nasa study table malapit sa aking kama. There I saw a girl smiling at me. Standing proudly and strong. She's making a peace sign and her eyes is almost a line. She's too happy with a man beside him. Her other arm clings to the left arm of the man.
Nasaan na ang babaeng 'yan? Bakit hindi ko na makita? Hindi ko na mahanap. I need her. I need the old me. Strong and confident. Jolly.
A tear fell down on my eye. What happen to me? I am such a weakling.
"D-dad.." Ani ko at kinuha ang frame na iyon. Napahiga ako sa aking kama. Ang mga luha ko'y naghahabulan na animo'y nasa paligsahan.
I am 7 years old when Mom died because of giving birth to my baby brother. They both died and left Dad devastated. Wala pa akong alam noon kundi ang maglaro ng barbie at pumapak ng gatas. May katalinuhan ngunit spoiled ni Dad kahit grade 2 na. Zech is just 4 years old that time. Kinder 1. Walang muwang.
The week after Mom was buried was the beginning of my calvary. Dad decides to go abroad and work since doon ang Main Company ng pinagtatrabahuhan niya.
I was second year college when I discovered na may pamilya siya doon at may kambal na anak. Pinakasalan niya doon ang may ari ng company nila since the woman was madly inlove with him. I was sad and furious. He is the first man who broke my heart.
Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi ang mag aral, mag aral at mag aral. When Zech knew, he was happy which surprised me. He prayed for more siblings daw. He's the second man who broke my heart. It means I wasn't enough for him.
For about 3 months I got depressed and almost got crazy. I became weak. Walang akong ibang inisip kundi ang kakulangan ko bilang anak at bilang kapatid.
Pero hindi ko ipinapakita iyon kay Zech. Maliban nalang kapag nag uusap kami ni Dad online. I am always crying kapag nagfi-face time kami. I can't help it. I missed him. Umuuwi nalang siya ng isang beses every 2 to 3 years. He will stay here for about a week at babalik din abroad.
I long for the love of both of my parents, which I don't have and never felt. Money can't satisfy you fully, you know.
Being both soft and strong is a combination very few have mastered.
Napabangon ako ng marinig ang ring ng aking cellphone. Ugh. Phone from Dad.
I saw Brice's name. Tumikhim muna ako bago sinagot.
"Brice."
"Good afternoon, too, cousin dear. Where are you?" Aniya. Maingay ang background.
"At home. Why? Hindi ako papasok this afternoon."
"Wala naman talagang pasok. It's the first friday today, hija. May meeting ang faculty. Ba't hindi mo 'ko hinintay? Pagkatapos ng lunch gumora ka?"
I rolled my eyes. Oo nga pala. Kahit kailan ang galing kong tumayming.
"Hindi. Tinatamad akong magkuwento sayo. Umuwi ka nalang kung gusto mo. May patawag tawag ka pang nalalaman. Sige. Bye." Saad ko at pinatay na agad ang tawag.
