I won't bother on an intro but I mean you need to know a couple things about who is behind this screen. It is dark in my room and all I hear are the crickets singing in the grass. Their sweet music I always admired. Did you know we, humans have a way of finding out the temperature with just the chirps of a cricket? But I won't bother with that.
My name is Ashley Palomino, 15 years old, and I am like everyone of you. I think. I always taught there was something special in my organism but I am not. There is billions of people and I will never be anything special. I mean I am only acknowledged by my teachers, some family and my small group of friends. And my boyfriend. Yeah him.
So anyways, why did I decide to write my story? I ask myself too. I think of it as a goodbye letter as a way to see if anyone cares. When I am gone I hope anyone digs deep enough to find this and understand what was wrong with me. What went wrong with me. Ha.
I guess I am a little twisted. But we all are in our own little ways. I can act perfectly fine in a room full of people but in the inside it is a constant battle to not kill everyone in the room or to run away crying. In this generation humans are mean and it sucks I had to find that out. I found that out at such a young age it sucks.
I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. My therapy lessons are worthless and so are my so called meds. I prefer throwing them down the toilet now as they only cause me to be sick. Music is a way I calm down and locking myself in my room in my own little paradise. My room is totally white with a human size panda in the corner of my king size bed, which is also white, and a white dresses with some vintage hardcovers in the corner and in my closet. A brand new wardrobe of black and white and the occasional dark color. I love my black Chucks and my white Vans. I also have a huge makeup collection as you see makeup is also one big calming method for me. Oh and there's a picture of my boyfriend in the wall. Yeah.
How do I look like? Oh well I have chin length, straight brown hair. Dark brown eyes and caramel skin. Im 5,3 and well I am not ugly but I am not a beauty either. My body is slender and fair. If there was one feature you will notice more about me though if you looked long enough; it will be my tiny freckles. No one has noticed other than my boyfriend.
I am just starting my junior year and my classes are extremely hard already. Barely the 3rd day and I am giving up. Too much people in a crowd gives me anxiety. I do not like speaking about it though. That gives me anxiety too.
I have no pets they all died. The last one, a goldfish named Shark had jumped out of his bowl and I found him dried up in the morning. I through him in the toilet like it was nothing. We all die anyways. There's no time to cry about it. I had to get to summer school.
Talking about school I am pretty good at it honestly. Always in the top 20 ranks. But I beat myself mentally always trying to get in the top 5. Maybe this school year. School is just another part of the system. I either go or risk my step dad going to court. There is no in between. Oh well. Go to school. Go home. Go to school. GO HOME. SCHOOL. HOME.
Its all a rant in my head. The voices commanding me to do whats right in everyones terms. But I am a rebel of society. I ignore them and do my thing. I don't recite the pledge of allegiance. I don't waste 10 seconds of my time in a moment of silence. I do not eat the horrible school lunch. I do not follow the churches rules. I do not follow fashion. I do not follow anything. Im telling you. I do my own thing. Whats leading me to do so? I dont know actually but I like it.
Ill tell you about my family. My mom passed away from cancer this year. I am still numb about it but again death is part of life she was gonna die one day anyways. We all are, so just keep swimming in this stormy ocean. Swimming can save your life. My step dad takes care of me and my 3 siblings. My biological father is out of the picture and I dont mind he was not always there. I am the oldest and the youngest of my siblings is 5. SUch an annoying kid but I still adore him. We are middle class and we always have what we need to survive which is good. We have more than we need and that gets on my nerves. I am not materialistic. I dont think so. My stepdads family is Catholic as fuck and I am a Buddhist. God is out of the picture since a long time ago and I dont mind. I think your starting to notice I do not mind a lot of things. I keep swimming. I am different than my whole family and was always the black sheep in the family. Yes even as a kid I was always the quiet one in another world. I never show emotions.
Emotions are out of the picture. So worthless. Just continue with life and ignore all the lovey dovey or sadness shit. I mean I felt numb for many years now so it is not a new matter for me.
I want you to know more about me and I hope to keep writing everyday. I will try my best. Writing is my way of proving my message. My message of self freedom. I hope it frees you like it will to me.
Hi Guys this is an actual autobiography of my life so I hope you enjoy this. I will update about twice a day to finish this story so please share and follow me so you can get updates. Thank you so much for the support.
