Trigger warning :) //
As amazing as Franks bed was, familiarity of my own bed was incredible. I flipped down onto it, staring at the ceiling. I smiled, taking a deep breath of the place I call home. It didn't have any particular smell, just... home.
I was currently wearing new, white shorts I bought and one of Franks sweatshirts. I think I liked the smell of him more than I liked the smell of my own stuff. At the thought of him, my mind travelled back to the previous night. A grin made its way onto my face. Then the door flung open, causing me to shoot up straight.
"SKYLAR WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?" Lynn was standing in my door, practically twitching with rage.
I scratched my head. "No where you would want me..."
She stormed into the room, grabbing my shoulders and giving me a slight shake. "I don't give a shit where you were!" Her features softened, pulling me into a tight hug. Her voice was quiet now. "I was so scared."
I frowned, pulling back to look at her. "I'm sorry.. I thought you would feel better thinking I was just out rather than knowing I was at Franks."
She sat down next to me, hugging my arm. "I guess if he has such a good impact on you I don't care anymore. I just didn't want you to get hurt."
A soft smile forms on my lips. "No, he's amazing. I... I think I'm in love with him."
Lynns jaw drops. "This isn't just one of those 'oh I'm in love with my savior because now my life belongs to him' type things because that's sooo not cool but-"
A light laugh escapes my throat. "Not at all.. I mean, it doesn't hurt that he saved my life, but it's more than that. He is an amazing person. I think I would have met him regardless, because we saw him at Dillard's as well. And then at the banquet."
Her eyes practically twinkled with excitement. She clapped her hands energetically, bouncing up and down. "Oh!! It was fate!! You two are destined to be together!"
I blushed. "He helped me get over my.. issues."
She stilled. I could tell she knew there was something I hadn't told her, but she didn't seem to care I had excluded her. "Issues?"
"Every time we would start kissing and he did something similar to the guy that night, I would just get a rush of memories and freak out. It also happened at the banquet. Someone that smelled like nicotine spilled their drink on me. The guy that night smelled like cigarettes and alcohol, so it gave me a panic attack. Frank saw me run out from the stage, so he left to come to me." A small smile was returning. "He also helped me get over the whole 'I can't do anything sexual or I'll have a panic attack' thing."
Lynn grabbed my arm. "So you had sex??"
I nod, laughing with joy. "Yes. I feel so much better now that I'm over it. I just want to pretend like that night never happened and move on with my life."
"I want to properly meet this guy."
"I could call him and invite him to dinner..?" Knowing her answer, I pull out my phone and call him.
At first I thought I was going to be sent to voicemail, but he answered at the last minute. I said, "Hi Frank! Was was wondering if you want to come over for dinner? Lynn really wants to meet you." I waited for a moment, but there was no response. "Hello?"
I listened closer, and it hit me. He answered his phone unintentionally. Like a butt dial. I was about to hang up before I heard a voice. Rather, two voices.
A girl giggled, whining, "Fraaannkkk stttooppp!"
He laughed, responding, "Why would I stop? It's fun to try and catch you."
I furrowed my eyebrows, puzzled. She said, "It's not fun for me!"
There was a lot of noise, and then the sound of them falling down onto a bad or cushion. "I only do it because I love you."
I had heard enough. Tears were threatening to overflow, so I covered my mouth, saying, "He isn't coming," and running into bathroom, locking the door.
I sunk down, letting the tears flow freely down my face. Suddenly, all I wanted was to get all of him away from me. I struggled with the sweatshirt, trying to get it off as quickly as possible, and threw it across the bathroom. I ignored Lynns words from out side, and just sat there in my bra, sitting on the floor my the bathroom.
The tile I was leaning on was freezing, but I couldn't bring myself to care. How could I care about anything anymore? Was everything Frank told me a lie? He didn't actually care about me. Maybe he was just seeing how long it would take for me to let him into my pants. Like some sick game.
***********
(TRIGGER WARNING )
After my face was red, and Lynn had long given up on trying to get me to open the door, I did something I hadn't done in years. My vision was blurry, the only thing I cared about was feeling something other than a broken heart.
I reached over, grabbing my razor off the corner of the tub. Removing a blade was as simple as I remembered it, and guiding the blade across my skin was even easier.
I made three, fairly deep marks. Not deep enough to kill myself, but deep enough to change the emotional pain to physical pain. For a few blissful seconds, I was free, only feeling the pain on my wrist and not in my heart.
I guess what they say is right, old habits die hard.
