Dear Journal...

Memory Lane

I remember when he just existed in my school. I remember when he sat in the seat against the wall n looked around at lunch. I remember when he was Ty'ana's friend and not mine. I remember his red n black adidas jacket 😭. I remember when he liked Leilah. I remember when I invited him to a rap battle for Justin. I remember when his mans got in a fight and the look on his face passing by me with balled up fists. Tears in his eyes. I remember Bishop and Leilah walking next to him. I remember paying attention to so much more after that. I remember how hurt/upset he was after being rejected. I remember the look on his face going to my locker n coming back. I remember checking on him n seeing what the status was. I remember him telling me n Jessica to spread the word to our friends to choose another route home since there was gonna be an armed fight. I remember him telling me to wait for him walking up the block with Brandon n me wearing his hat. I remember him saying me n Brandon were gonna be future boyfriend n girlfriend 😂. I remember Daiza calling me to stop Justin from asking Jessica out again. I remember him n Brandon making me feel slow by being speeding fucking bullets through the block. I remember him trying to steal Kiara n Alianny's food. I remember when he told Alianny to buy him a pack of sunflower seeds. I remember him telling me fucking loved seeds. I remember the train passing by as soon as he said that. I remember when he made me his future best friend. I remember him offering to carry me on his back as long as I held his bookbag. I remember him jacking he was a dropout. I remember him telling me about the fights he got into in the past and the first time he got jumped. I remember him looking and pointing at my neck and asking if the spot on it was a birthmark. I remember the first time he told me to wait for the next train. The time he told me that he never gets on the first train. I remember getting on the train with him while he was teaching a little boy strategies when in a predicament like getting jumped. I remember how intrigued I was at how he's naturally like that with any kid. I remember him calling me out n the hallway everytime he saw me during transition. I remember that jacket he had to wear that made him look like a librarian/wizard 😂😂. I remember when he always asked me to hold his bookbag going to the train station. I remember that time I asked to see his belt n he took it off, gave it to me n said I could keep it. Then he took it back because his pants were falling 😭. I remember when I first showed him the password to my phone n him sending it to himself 😭😭. I remember him mentioning that he was transferring schools. I remember him asking me what school I was transferring to. I remember him sending me pictures for a tattoo to get. I remember him saying stupid shit like 'bro I'm white' 😂. I remember him telling me he was gonna make his aunt let him transfer to my school. I remember later that day when he told me he liked me. I remember the morning after that waiting in front of Balkaran's room n him tapping my arm to say wassup. I remember wondering why he liked me of all people. I remember taking his tie and running down the hallway. And he cornered me so I threw the tie while Ty'ana jumped on his back when I slipped through and scooped it off the floor while running 😂😂😂. I remember shoving him after saying I wanted to fight repeatedly and him grabbing my arms n turning me around to restrict me making it appear like he was hugging me. I remember Justin saying 'ya look like the only goals right now. Would you date him?' To me. I remember Justin looking at him and asking the same question. I remember him telling Justin to hop off. I remember talking about why we didn't respond to the question at the staircase. I remember when I came to him for a couple of problems. I remember waking up to him telling me to 'follow my heart.' I remember being confused about how I felt about him. I remember having to tell myself I really had feelings for this dude. I remember the first time he linked w me at my stop in the morning. I remember the first time he called me ma in person. I remember the first time me put his arm around me. I remember him asking me if he could see us cuffing. I remember him asking me if I wanted to kiss him. I remember all these new feelings come to life in me. I remember the first time we kissed. And the first time he told me how good I kissed 😂 .. And I remember the first time he told me he loved me. The first time he called me his forever. The first time he called me his wife.

... I remember a lot of shit. 🤘🏾