Solitary Confinement [h.s]

Me

A/N : Madelynn Jiang on the side.

This book will contain explicit material .

Song of the chapter - Me (the 1975)

"I was thinking about killing myself, don't you mind?"

***

December 13, 2013. 2:07 am.

His eyes were squeezed shut, breathing irregular and hands shaking tremendously. He gripped the metal bar of the bridge he was sitting on -much too close to the edge. But he wanted to end it. To end everything. Every single morning, he didn't want to wake up. He had a much better time asleep-on the nights he could actually sleep. He thought of it as a reverse universe. Like when you wake up from a nightmare, you're supposed to be relieved. But that wasn't the case for Harry. Not at all. He woke up into a nightmare. He was constantly torn between killing himself and killing everyone around him. His sinister thoughts would sometimes sneak up on him , making him feel like he was losing his mind. Maybe he was.

He thought that killing yourself is a misnomer. You don't just kill yourself. Sometimes....sometimes you're just defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. He hated nothing more than people thinking that with suicide, no fight was involved. They think that the person just simply...gave up. They're terribly wrong. He clenched his jaw , knuckles turning white as his grip tightened around the railing.

This was it. He was going to end it. But it wasn't going to end fast enough. It would take long to drown. But he believed he deserved to suffer. It would be worth it in the end. He would be dead, just like he wanted.

*Flashback*

" Harry? " his 'mother' called. "I have to tell you something." He put his Power Ranger toy down and walked to her.

"Yes, mum?" he asked, slightly worried that he would be reprimanded.

"Sit down, Harry." she said, pointing towards his favorite chair in the house. A white leather sofa with black and white pillows in the corner of the living room. He climbed up on the chair and nervously fiddled with his fingers. She stared at the young boy in front of her. He was always a happy child but that was bound to change with this news. She took a deep breath and hung her head low before speaking.

"Harry..I really don't know how to say this. So I guess I'm just going to have to spit it out." she mumbled, mostly to herself. He frowned at her and slid off the chair, trotting over to her , nearly tripping over his own feet on the way there. The seven year old stood between her legs, pushing his small stomach out and staring up at her through thick eyelashes.

"Are you okay, mum?" He asked. He absolutely hated seeing her like this. She knew it was wrong to tell him at such a young age, though she didn't want to wait longer when he knew exactly how to react. She knew that if she told him when he was much older, he would hold it against her. He would hate her and she didn't want that. She only hoped to God that her plan worked and he couldn't even comprehend what she was going to tell him.

"Harry...your mother-"

"What? You are my only mum " he whined, clearly confused. He tilted his head to the side and stepped a bit closer.

" Harry please, just let me say this.." she whispered while reaching for his hand. He placed his tiny one in her slightly sweaty hand. Her emotions found their way through the barrier she put up and a tear slipped from her eye. She didn't want to lose him.

He scrunched his eyebrows together, wondering why she was crying. To say he was confused is an understatement.

"Please try and understand this," she lied. She didn't want him to understand. " I'm so sorry Harry. I...I am not your real mother." she said and his lips parted slightly. "There is a thing called adoption and-"