"I never expected this to be the most
popular poem out of the hundreds I've
written. I was extremely bitter and sad
when I wrote this and I left out the most
beautiful part of that class. After my
teacher introduced us to this theory,
she asked us, "Is love a feeling? Or is
it a choice?" We were all a bunch of
teenagers. Naturally we said it was a
feeling. She said that if we clung to that
belief, we'd never have a lasting
relationship of any sort. She made us
interview a dozen adults who were or
had been married and we asked them
about their marriages and why it lasted
or why it failed. At the end, I asked every
single person if love was an emotional or
a choice. Everybody said it was a choice.
It was a conscious commitment. It was
something you choose to make work
every day with a person who has chosen
the same thing. They all said that at one
point in their marriage, the "feeling of
love" had vanished or faded and they
weren't happy. They said feelings are
always changing and you cannot build
something that will last on such a shaky
foundation. The married ones said that
when things were bad, they chose to open
the communication, chose to identify what
broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate
something worth falling in love with. The
divorce ones said they chose to walk away.
Every since that class, since that project, I
never looked at relationships the same way.
I understood why arranged marriages were
successful. I discovered the differences in
feelings and commitments. I've never gone
for the person who makes my heart flutter
or my head spin. I've chosen the people who
were committed to choosing me, dedicated
to finding something to adore, even on the
ugliest days. I no longer fear the day someone
who swore I was their universe can no longer
see the stars in my eyes as long as they still
choose to look until they find them again."
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