150|| F e e l i n g O r C h o i c e

5 1 0
                                    

"I never expected this to be the most

popular poem out of the hundreds I've

written. I was extremely bitter and sad

when I wrote this and I left out the most

beautiful part of that class. After my

teacher introduced us to this theory,

she asked us, "Is love a feeling? Or is

it a choice?" We were all a bunch of

teenagers. Naturally we said it was a

feeling. She said that if we clung to that

belief, we'd never have a lasting

relationship of any sort. She made us

interview a dozen adults who were or

had been married and we asked them

about their marriages and why it lasted

or why it failed. At the end, I asked every

single person if love was an emotional or

a choice. Everybody said it was a choice.

It was a conscious commitment. It was

something you choose to make work

every day with a person who has chosen

the same thing. They all said that at one

point in their marriage, the "feeling of

love" had vanished or faded and they

weren't happy. They said feelings are

always changing and you cannot build

something that will last on such a shaky

foundation. The married ones said that

when things were bad, they chose to open

the communication, chose to identify what

broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate

something worth falling in love with. The

divorce ones said they chose to walk away.

Every since that class, since that project, I

never looked at relationships the same way.

I understood why arranged marriages were

successful. I discovered the differences in

feelings and commitments. I've never gone

for the person who makes my heart flutter

or my head spin. I've chosen the people who

were committed to choosing me, dedicated

to finding something to adore, even on the

ugliest days. I no longer fear the day someone

who swore I was their universe can no longer

see the stars in my eyes as long as they still

choose to look until they find them again."

Three a.m. thoughtsWhere stories live. Discover now