Immortality

1945- January

Dear Diary,

January 1, 1945- 
I fear ze worst. Our forces cannot hold much longer, despite what my boss and Ludwig's boss may zink. Ve are constantly under attack from ze Allies! I have warned our bosses, but zey von't  listen. Ludwig is too busy fighting alongside Kiku und Feliciano to notice the fighting in ze east und the bosses unvillingness to help. I can't believe they vouldn't help after vat happened to (y/n) in 1944, after England attacked. After helping us years ago, no past relations matter now- it iz a time of var und sides have been taken.

(y/n) is veaker now, her home is made of ashes and blood of the citizens. She still fights alongside vith me, undaunted by zhe countless soldiers and dangers ve face. Zat iz vhy she is awesome, und Ich liebe ihr. Ich only vish she vouldn't be so caught up in zhis fighting.

Yet, she is meine Hauptstadt (my capital). Und zis makes her a target! Vhat have I done to her? I feel that, because of me, she is only suffering more, now zhat she is immortal as well. But at least she iz not mortal. Then she would have most likely died in zhe war, like thousands of others have. The Allies vill pay for vhat they have done.

_______________

Dear Diary,

January 15, 1945-    Zhe Eastern Prussian Offensive has begun. The Allies attacked us two days ago. Ve have suspected forces would come from the east, the Soviet Union. (Y/n) und I had prepared by setting up minefields of exploding traps, yet the enemy has more than half-a-million men. It iz gruesome. I fight alongside my fellow citizens, as a captain in zhe ranks. I have decided to send (y/n) back so she would not be injured anymore. She didn't take kindly to it.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt, I am not leaving. I am immortal Gil, I can't be hurt-"

"Nein, you vill be hurt! You'll just heal and get hurt again! I am not allowing you to stay vith me on zhe front lines anymore. Ve vill be facing Russia soon, and you can not face him." I shake my head, already imagining vhat Ivan vould do to her and zhe rest of my army.

"I can't let you face him alone Gil, I am part of this country and you are my husband. Don't tell me to run away, like a coward in the face of battle! You won't do that and neither will I! I think you sometimes forget that I'm a soldier as well Gilbert." She looks at me harshly with her concerned and angered (e/c) eyes. She stands in front of me in her battered uniform, a rifle on her back. Her face vas skinnier and her eyes harder zhen before the war, having been affected by zhe demands of var on the population. There vas still the burn on her neck and hands from vhen England had attacked Konigsberg. Since another country had been the one to injure her, the burns vill most likely never fully heal.

"Just because Ludwig helped train you doesn't mean you're meant to be fighting! You aren't a country (Y/n)-"

"But Feliciano's fighting and he just relies on Ludwig! I can do this Gil."

"When have you last eaten (Y/n)?" I simply ask her, placing my hands on my hips. She looks away. She knows I can see her veakening. I also vould rather not have her vith me as I fight, secretly afraid of me and my soldiers.

"I'll be fine!"  Her voice is a harsh whisper.

I walk up to her and lift her chin so she iz staring into my eyes. "You must rest, meine Frau. I'll be fine. You can help by trying to protect zhe refugees. Zhey vill be growing in number as the Russians continue to attack. Bitte?"

She looks away.

"Ich liebe dich. And don't you forget it!" I smile and she manages one back. She wraps her arms around mich und I just vant to hold her a little vhile longer.