Immortality

1950- December

I looked at the calendar then back at Ivan, who sat at his large desk, flipping through a large pile of papers.

It was December, or as Ivan called it, Dekabr'. Christmas was only a few days away, though Ivan mainly celebrated it in January. Still, I sighed, remembering all the housework that needed to be done before then.

I finished dusting the pictures hanging on the walls and momentarily glanced at Ivan before exiting the room. I leaned against the wall outside of his study, my breathe shaking.

I could never bring up my courage to ask him for things- especially for something this important! Would he even acknowledge me?

I looked down at the ring on my finger, turning it around and around like I usually did when nervous. It gave me strength, thinking of Gilbert.

When was the last time I had seen him? Two years? Three years had already passed since Prussia was abolished. Yet it seemed like like no time has past at all. I didn't know what to think of it. I couldn't even tell if I was still immortal or not, though I continued to look the same.

I took a deep breath and stepped back into Ivan's study.

He paused, looking up at me from his papers.

"Did you forget something in here? What do you need?" He peered at me with his violet eyes and his child-like smile.

"W-well, I w-was wondering if- if I could visit Gilbert for Christmas..." I trailed off, sweating and waiting for his answer.

He set down his pen and stared at me, contemplating. I bit my lip.

"Well (y/n), normally I would let you visit for the holidays... but I am too busy and you have work to finish as well. Maybe some other time..." He looked back down at his papers, expecting me to exit the room.

I clenched my fists. I hated being stuck here, trapped like a prisoner. The Baltic's could go places; Why couldn't I? Although, they were countries.... But still! I should be able to visit my own darn husband! I couldn't take it anymore!

"N-no!" My voice betrayed me, and what was supposed to be an assertive yell turned out to be a loud squeak! "No," I repeated, but I could not bring myself to say what was on my mind.

"What did you say?" Ivan stood up.

Even with the desk between us, he still loomed over me.

"I s-said no. I don't want to live here anymore Ivan! I deserve to live my life with my family-"

"You have no family," he stated coldly.

"I meant Gilbert! I'm not even a capital anymore, I don't know why you still keep me around!" I exclaimed, my voice finding strength.

"Kolkolkol... You don't like me? You don't like the shelter I give you? How I spared your life?" The air was suddenly thick and hard to breath, his voice twisted and sweet as he threatened me.

"N-no, I didn't mean that- I do appreciate when you are k-kind-"

"You want to leave? You are my region and now you have made me sad (y/n)," he stepped away from his desk towards me, my legs suddenly weak.

He no longer smiled and his eyes were filled with hurt.

Pictures of my old city burned through my mind, the sound of Red Army airplanes circling my brain. I shook my head, my fear of Ivan creeping back within me as he approached me.

He gripped my shoulder, looking down at me and pushed me away, causing me to lose my balance and fall to the ground in front of him. His eyes- his eyes weren't his- it's as if he didn't even notice what he was doing; they were so full of anger and.... loneliness? I have seen that look within my own eyes in the mirror countless of times.