"You know what I realized?"
"What?"
"Our friendship was actually a set up and now we're completely best friends. Crazy,isn't it?"
"Really crazy."
Josh and I were sitting in the living room as I read a novel called An Imperial Affliction as Josh watched some show about these three kids working at a burger restaurant and going bonkers over butts.
It's been 3 months now.
We decided to stop going to the therapist unless things get bad.
I've been on bed rest as well.
It kinda pains to not leave my house but I also like it.
I don't really miss the mile runs I would do almost every morning,I do miss standing outside where the warm breeze flows through my skin after a rain storm.
Whenever my mom went to work she left Josh in charge of me.
Yes,in charge.
Josh never took his eyes off me.
He even stayed outside the bathroom door whenever I had to pee,just to be cautious.
Don't get me wrong,I love how he cares a lot but I do find it annoying once in a while.
Josh and my mom basically baby proofed the house because of me.
No sharp things in sight,no going anywhere without an adult,and there's a lock on the outside of the closet and bathroom door so high I can't reach so I can't open it. Whenever I need to go in one of the rooms,I need Josh to open it since he's tall enough and the only one to reach it.
I honestly hate it,but I've gotten used to it.
I don't do much but eat cheese-its and sleep.
I realized I lost trance in my novel and saw Josh looking at me through the corner of my eye.
I ignored him and read a few pages.
As the tides washed in,the Dutch Tulip Man faced the ocean:
"Conjoiner rejoinder poisoner concealer revelator. Look at it,
rising up and down. Taking everything with it."
"What's that?" Anna asked.
"Water," the Dutchman said. "Well,and time."
I looked up from the novel and looked at the television. Some girl with glasses was writing some book,maybe her diary and her brother popped in and said, "What kind of maniac wakes up an hour early to write erotic fan fiction?!"
The girl continues to write and simply says, "Me."
I giggled quietly,knowing that I somehow related to the cartoon girl.
Josh looks over to me and just smiles at me,not saying a word.
I looked over at him and looked at him confused.
"What?"
He just shakes his head and smiles.
"Nothing. I'm just glad we met."
I didn't say anything.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure." Josh shifted a bit like he was uncomfortable of what was going to happen.
"Why did we get set up? I mean,out of everyone else in the world,why me and you?"
Josh sighed and muted the tv.
"Maybe because our therapist knew we haven't had friends since almost birth. And she knew how we desperately wanted friends,but didn't know how to make friends. And she picked us. Her main patients. Maybe she did for a reason."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "What reason?"
"Not sure. Maybe we'll find out soon."
I stared at Josh for a while and shifts in my seat to face him fully.
"I have one more question."
Josh nods,telling me to ask.
"Do you,possibly,have or had other friends before me?"
Josh sighs and looks down at his hands.
"Well," he starts off. "I had this one friend..but he's not-well ..he's rather forgotten. As most would say."
"What do you mean?"
"Are you ready for a story?"
I decided to get comfortable,knowing Josh takes a while thinking whilst telling stories.
"I'm ready."
"Okay. So basically me and this guy. We were best friends. We had this joke where no one was allowed to be my best friend except him. It was kind of annoying,but I liked it. We knew everything about each other and liked everything about each other. It was nice having him around. Before I left my old band,I met him. We were only 16 or something,but we barely went a day without each other. There was thing about him I never understood until only eleven months ago. He told me he was sad and upset. He told me he felt demons were forcing him to do and say things. Like he had this mental health. I figured he was just depression,so of course I helped him. Turns out,it was getting worse. Then-"
"Josh I don't want hear a sad story."
"Let me finish. Anyway,then his depression was getting worse. He would never leave his room,he stopped playing music,he would write these notes but never show me them. I barely saw him in school or even around town. I even went to his house this one time and his mom said he wants to be alone. I definitely wasn't letting him go through this. So I,kindly,barge pass the lady and run into his room. His door was locked,so I unfortunately punched a hole through it and unlocked it from the inside. I was so scared because of what he could have been doing in his locked room. Once I finally got in,I was scarred by what I saw.
I saw my best friend lying on the ground,in a pool of his own blood.
I started screaming,I kept hearing voices telling me I didn't do nothing but I could have done something. I was terrified. I witnessed my own best friend commit. Do you know how much that hurts? A lot. Then at his funeral,I had to speak at the concession stand thingy and make a speech. Once I got up there,I couldn't help it. Before I said one word I broke down. In front of everyone. I wasn't embarrassed that much because other people were crying for the same reason. I knew it was okay to cry,so I did. And every time I see something,it reminds me of him. I could see a ukulele and think 'I bet he's happily playing that in heaven.' Or anything,really. You remind me a lot of him,somehow. But I like that. It makes me think he's still around and living.
And when I saw you like that,it reminded me of him and that night.
So I got scared. I was screaming and crying. I thought I was going to lose someone I love again. And I didn't want it to happen. And I'm just happy,so happy,that you survived."
By then,Josh and I both had tears streaming down our faces.
"What was his name?"
"Tyler. Tyler Joseph."
"I'm so sorry,Josh. I should have never asked."
"No! No,it's okay. I've actually like telling people the story of Tyler and I. How close we were and all the crazy shit we would do."
"Did you ever find those notes?"
Then Josh's eyes widened.
"Amber! The notes!"
"What?"
"I know why he was writing the notes now! They weren't music like he said they were! They were.." Josh mumbles the rest of sentence I can't hear.
I figured Tyler's notes were his suicide notes.
"Have you read them?"
He shakes his head.
"Have you ever plan to?"
He nods.
"Do you want to find them and read now?"
He looks up and hugs me.
"Thank you." He whispers,holding me tightly. "For everything."
.
.
.
We were searching Josh's old house for things of Tyler.
There were photos almost everywhere of them.
Tyler must have been like a second child to Josh's mother.
I trance my fingers over the frames and study Tyler's face.
He seemed extremely happy in the pictures. But knowing smiles,I'm sure some were fake.
"Oh my god." I heard Josh whisper to himself,sitting on the floor with a box in between his legs.
He runs his fingers over the box and slowly opens it.
He sniffs and picks up a small velvet box.
"What's that?" I ask.
"It was Tyler's Christmas present last year. But..I couldn't give it to him.."
"What'd you get him?"
He hands me the box,waiting for me to open it.
I open it and find a small cassette.
It had a taped label saying, 'our songs'
I turned over the cassette and noticed the songs were also labeled. There was almost 50 songs,which I adored.
"Have you ever listen to those?" Josh asks me,noticing I was studying the cassette.
"A few. I don't think I've heard most of these."
I look around in Josh's old room and find a small radio.
"Would you mind if I play it?"
Josh thinks and nods.
"Go for it."
I placed the cassette in the slot and slid it in. I pressed play and the first song that started playing was Drops Of Jupiter.
*joshs pov*
She was beautiful. And I mean drop dead gorgeous.
I watched her bop her head softly to the music and she did little dances with her hands or tapped on objects with her fingers along with the beat.
I adored everything about her.
I realized I basically told her my life story,but she barely talks about hers.
So I may have asked.
"Hey amber?" I said.
Her big blue eyes looked up at me and smiled.
"Yeah?" She sounded so happy.
"You know..I've told you a lot about me. What about you? Like tell me your story?"
She sighed.
"Okay. I'll try to tell as much as I remember." I nodded and waited for her to start.
"Okay,so on June 13th,1997-"
"After you were born,Ambs." I laughed.
"Oh!" She laughed to herself. God,I loved her laugh and smile.
"Well,when I was about 3, my parents got a divorce. I don't know much about my father. But I only hear bad stories about him. Like how he buying drugs and wasting money on cigars. And my mom definitely didn't want her kid around a bad guy. So they got into this heated argument about him and he left. I barely asked my mom 'where's daddy' growing up because I somehow knew at such a young age. A few years gone by and by time I reached 2nd grade I made this friend. Her name was Sarah. We did almost everything together. She was my best friend. Then when we were about 9,in the 4th grade,she told me she was moving. Her dad got this job in Arizona. We would speak over the phone but we stopped talking. I haven't heard from her since. I didn't really have close friends after her. I was that one awkward annoying kid no one likes. And I bullied quite a lot. Which made me insecure at a very young age. I wouldn't participate in any class like things. I barely wanted to do things with people and socialize. I know I've always been a shy kid but I'm shy to the point where I can't talk and I basically whisper. I was kind of..mute,I guess. I only talk to very very few people. And that very few was my family because we're obviously close. I finally made friends in year 7 and we were friends until Sophomore year. Then somehow we all got disconnected from each other.
No one knows what happened,and we barely talk to each other. I barely had friends and only knew a few people who I wouldn't consider friends. I grew more depressed every day and I had trouble sleeping. I always had nightmare or couldn't sleep at all.
My mom figured I'd go to the therapist. I barely spoke to her.
Once again, I sort of mute. So she tried to get me to speak but I refused."
I listened carefully to each word she was saying. I'm pretty sure I'll be crying at the end of this story.
She reminds me so much of Tyler. Trust me,I love it. But I actually kind of hate it because I was started to get over my mourning until I met her. But then again,I don't mind.
"But my mom gave up and figured to just let me go and let me figure everything out on my own. I didn't do much but sleep and eat tiny small snacks like those small bags of cheese its. I hardly ate. I wasn't even hungry most of the time,to be honest.
Then I figured something was wrong when I was having trouble finding myself. I didn't do a single thing.
I took short walks and admired the world beneath me. People barely talked to me because I was considered the weirdo punk kid. All I ever wore were band shirts and jeans and vans and basically blasted Green Day or The Killers through my earbuds.
But anyways. My mom has brought me back to the therapist and some things have helped. I've finally gotten a friend. I'm still slowly getting better with being mute. So that's why I barely talk. And it's rare if you hear me talk this much. But it's showing I trust you."
By now,Amber was no longer making eye contact or talking with her hands. Her hands were in her lap laying still and she stared at them.
"Amber," I whispered,grabbing her hands and placing them in mine. "Is..is there anymore problems?"
She shook her head as her hair danced along with her head.
"No..I think I'm okay." She says softly,sniffing.
"Aw,love." I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close. "I promise you things will get completely better. And even if we disconnect,I promise I will never stop caring about you."
Even though she kept her head down,I saw a small smile from her. I moved a few strands of hair from her face and leaned close.
"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"
She giggles silently.
"Almost occasionally."
She looks up and our lips only inches apart.
I cupped the side of her face and leaned in.
She leaned in as well and our lips connected.
I swear I felt fireworks and happiness.
I swear I'm falling for her.
We pulled away for a breath.
"Wow," she whispers,stunned at what just happened. "That was.."
"Amazing." I whispered,cutting her off.
She nods her head agreeing.
"Amber..can I ask you something?"
"Yeah?"
"What are we? We act like a complete couple and do couple things. Hell,we even kissed."
"Are we together?"
"Do you want to be?"
Amber sighs and looks at me.
"Yeah," she breathed.
"Well,would you like to be my lovely girlfriend?"
Amber grabs my face and kisses me again. After about 2 minutes,she pulled away and nodded her head.
"I'd love to."
I smiled like an idiot. But it doesn't matter because I'm with the girl I've fell in love with.
.
.
.
A/N:
I have not read over this to edit and I rushed doing this piece. Soz
