MERRY. FUCKING. CHRISTMAS. [Riren/Ereri AU]

Chapter One~: Jingle Bells, Life is Hell, it's Santa Clause I'll Slay~!

WARNING: THIS STORY IS OFFENSIVE. I HAVE DESIGNED LEVI TO BE A TOTAL DICK, BUT HE CHANGES OVER TIME. ALSO, THE BEGINNING IS BASED OFF OF THE MOVIE "THE SANTA CLAUSE" WITH TIM ALLEN IN IT. ALSO THERE'S SOME "ELF" WITH WILL FERRELL BASED THINGS IN THIS BOOK. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED.

First Chapter is out kiddies~

Chapter One: Jingle bells, Life is Hell, it's Santa Clause I'll Slaaaay~!

Fuck everything.

Just, fuck everything.

Nothing about Christmas is good.

There's the annoying children who practically bleed expensive Christmas lists, there's the "worshiping our lord and savior" bullshit, hell, it's always so FUCKING COLD outside.

At least, that's what Levi thought.

The man was a well-known lawyer in the city, always getting on the judge's good side, yet scaring the shit out of the jury. If you bring him to court with you, he'll bring up facts that you didn't even know about while telepathically breaking the pencils that the members of the jury had with one glare.

Levi sat at his desk in his office, which he earned from working his way up, waiting for his assistant, Petra, to come back with the lawsuit for his next case, some guy named Phu Kyu was fighting over the custody of his child after he divorced his wife when he made a few changes to his company loans.

How ridiculous.

Tapping his pencil, he waited for Petra to open the door. It was quite silent in the office aside from the fact that you could hear the very faint sound of cars passing on the busy road from the sight of the large glass window.

After a few minutes of ranting on the phone and violently sharpening his pencil, Levi finally heard the sound of the door shutting and closing. Petra walked in with a stack of paper and a very colorful green and red envelope.

"Do you have the client intel?" He asked.

"Yep. It's all in here. The kid's birth certificate, the wife's stability inspection, etcetera. We also got..." She glanced at the envelope. "...this!" She put down the stack of papers on top of the coffee table as she reached for the cheery envelope. When she finally got a hold of it, she used the letter opener on the other side of the office to open up the top.

"Oh god. What is it now..." Levi said, putting his hand on his forehead with an aggravated look on his face.

Petra pulled out the card inside the envelope and opened it up. It lit up when you opened it wider, and it turned off when shut. "It looks like you're invited to Hanji's winter party! Everyone from the office is going." Petra smiled cheerfully and put the card back in the envelope.

Levi, who was clearly not enjoying this, rolled his eyes and grabbed the card himself. "It's a fucking winter party. Why doesn't she just throw one on Christmas eve or some shit?"

Petra nodded and grabbed the clipboard that held the stack of papers. "Dunno. Christmas is about a month away. It might be a birthday or get together of some sort."

Levi sighed and waved her off to go help out with the other case. Grabbing his cup of coffee, he finished it off as he worked on Phu Kyu's case.

"Heh, Phu Kyu."

After three hours of studying those papers and a few files, he finally found a solution about how this trial could work out swiftly. He closed his laptop and got up to walk around for a bit. He didn't want to sit around all day, because when your leg falls asleep and wakes up with this super uncomfortable feeling whenever you move it, it's not fun. Levi was 'tolerating' the sound of the winter breeze flowing through the air.