" I am Elizabeth De La Rosa, I am from Los Angeles California."
I told myself out loud. I need to become my new name a new person. Vanessa Madrigal never existed.
***
Senior year was suppose to be the one of the greatest time of any high school st...
I have had a couple of small panic attacks since that day but nothing compared to the days and months after last summer when they became more severe.
These anti-anxiety pills were easing up my panic attack but weren't doing anything for my overthinking. My heart was racing like a roadrunner. My hands still had a slight tremor. I had to shake them out. I had to do something to get the thought out of my mind. I had to distract myself. But what could I do this late at night? One thing that could help me was walking.
I kicked off the blanket to the edge of the bed and walked over to the windows checking once again if they are locked tight, under the bed, and checked the closet and bathroom. Of course there was nothing there and everything was secured. I had to tell myself that everything was in my head. But I had to make sure. I didn't know where he was at or if his plans were still out to get me.
Nothing, there was nothing.
I wanted to call Alessia, my brother, or even my parents and just talk to them. Alessia and my brother knew how to calm me down. Alessia would distract me with her diy projects.
In my head I repeated to myself: I am healthy. I am safe, I am alive.
I am healthy. I am safe, I am alive.
I am healthy. I am safe, I am alive.
It was my mantra. Putting a hand on my chest over my heart I concentrated on my heartbeat repeating the mantra.
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When will these nightmares stop?
The room was feeling as if it was closing on every breath I took. I needed to get out of this room and walk around somewhere. I slipped on my black and white slippers and my gray cardigan over my pink heart pajamas. Before leaving my room I grabbed a small bag of strawberry flavored pop rock. I tugged on the edge of the candy package opening it, leaving a piece tangling. Bringing up the candy close to my lips I shook the bag popping a couple candy pebbles in my mouth. I closed my mouth as I concentrated on the pebbles crackling and popping in my mouth. With the candy popping on my tongue and the roof of my mouth helped in distracting me.
With one hand holding the candy package and the other turning the cold doorknob open, I poked my head out in the hallway to see if anyone was there. It was dead silent. The hallways are dimly lit with the exception of a small chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Until now I haven't noticed how tacky the wallpaper looked on this floor. I wanted to rip off its ugly faded red color that has faded flower print. It has been here since the forties.
The light from the chandelier gave off enough power to see what hallway leading to the next hallway. Walking through the hallway there was some soft snoring from people who were at least having a good night of sleep.
I popped another couple of pebbles in my mouth before I made my way downstairs after going down several sets of stairs. I didn't know where to go or where these hallways led to? I really wish I had someone here with me or someone that I could talk to. I thought of my brother and what he was doing. How was he doing in military school? How was he being treated? From the stories from my dad he loved it because to him it made him a man and loved everything about having a structured life. He was always up right at four in the morning and he would have his workout before anyone in the house would be up. I mean my dad was a strict man but he gave us our freedom as well.
