When I Was 20 Years Old (Mature content) (Complete)

Chapter 18 - Matt

I sent Harvey home at about ten o'clock that evening. There was no use in him being here, especially since he was jet-lagged and I could tell he was longing for rest. I stayed with David. Riley knew I was going to stay here as long as I needed. David wasn't going to die alone. I held his hand.

"David if u can hear me it's ok to let go!" I whispered, "The kids will be ok! It's ok to let go."

I got no reply. He was asleep. All that could be heard was his soft snores and the comforting bleeping of the heart rate machine. I didn't want my friend to die, not at all, but I didn't want to watch him slowly suffering in pain until the cancer finally ended him. Part of me wanted him to drift off and die because either way I would lose my friend. If he didn't die now, I would slowly lose him to drugs and comas until he didn't know which way was up let alone I was there. No, now would be the best time for him to go.

"You were a damn good friend," I continued, "All the fun we've had and all the trouble we smooth-talked out of." I chuckled. "The time you took those two female cops out for drinks. One on each arm. All so you could get away with speeding and not paying you road tax and so they didn't search your car." I smiled. "Your best one was getting Alex to go out with you. I suppose much of that was to do with her forwardness but also your good looks..."

I trailed off and looked at him. His skin was pale and wrinkled and cracking in places. His greying hair had thinned massively and his eyes had pales. Ever since losing Alex, his body had shut down quicker. I knew he hadn't got much longer.

"Then you let her go," I murmured, "You never were the sharpest tool in the box when it came to Alex's fate. You were always conflicted whether to let her go or keep her close. Then you finally got married like you were supposed to! God know, we had all been waiting for that then you piss off and have the ceremony alone! Dude I'm your brother from another mother for fuck sake! What happened to me being best man?" I smiled, "Watching you with your kids was the most entertaining thing though. You really are a child stuck in a man's body!" I sighed, "Now you are condemned to a bed.....with you last cigar and best friend by your side." I swallowed, "It's ok to let go."

I sat there unmoving and in silence for the next hour. His heart rate and breathing evenly began to drop. All I could do was sit there and hold his hand while it did so. Eventually the beeps grinder to a halt and the continuous flat-lining was all that could be heard. I leaned over his bed and kissed his forehead for the last time.

"Goodbye David!"

****

The kids all stood up as I slowly walked into the living room. Everyone was in there including Sophie, Shannon, Riley, Reid and Reid's girlfriend Kirsty. Antony was also present but without his children so I assumed Joseph was looking after Mia. Even the five babies were silent. Tension and grief was all that could be felt and was so strong I felt like I could literally hold it. The room was pack with nineteen people, adding myself to make twenty. They all stared at me.

"He's gone," I whispered.

No one moved. No one spoke. All that was heard was the tears and breathing and crying of grief-stricken family. We had lost the two people that brought us all together. Emptiness filled my chest. I had lost my two best friends, who were also my family. I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone apart from my wife. I clenched my jaw and left the room for the kitchen. There, I opened a beer to drown my emotions. I felt Riley hug me and kiss my cheek.

"He went peacefully at least," she sniffed.

I nodded, "He read Alex's letter before he......died."

"At least him and Alex are reunited," she murmured.

"I could never believe in a God after this year," I said.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because no all loving God would leave a baby an orphan," I replied, "No God would create such a disease as cancer which takes so many innocent lives."

"These are all challenges," Riley said, "They are in a better place. You know that."

I ripped off the cross from my neck, "David and Alex over came there challenges in this life! All they ever wanted was to raise a family and be happy. Then God destroyed that by killing Alex straight after the beautiful creation they love. Then David cannot even be a father to his new child because his cancer becomes more aggressive and he passed away!"

"You cannot question the Lord's plan..."

"To hell with the Lord's plan! I shouted, "Part of our family have died thanks to the Lord's fucking plan! If he planned for all this then I sure as fuck don't want to worship this!"

I threw the necklace into the bin and walked outside to drink my beer. I couldn't hold back my emotions any longer and I felt the salty tears drip down my face. I had been struggling with my faith, but never this badly. I slowly sat on the wooden bench that over looked the garden.

****

"Never thought you would see the enlightenment."

I looked next to me to see David sitting there in his signature jeans and cotton shirt. He sat with what I could only imagine was a rum and coke in his hand, smiling at me in a way that could only be described as him.

"If you were alive you would have won the bet!" I said.

"Nah," he laughed, "I would have called it off."

I smirked, "So how is the afterlife?"

"Dude I have the energy and sex drive of when I was twenty!" He exclaimed, "And I just found Alex so what the hell do you think?"

I laughed, "Sounds entertaining."

"Both Lucy's are here as well as Jake," David continued, "Our baby has grown up a bit now though. Bloody hell she looks just like me!"

"That's great man!" I said, "I'm glad you are happy."

"So should you be," David said.

"How can I?" I asked, "When you are gone?"

"You have your wife and children, Matt," David said, "So I'm not there in the flesh anymore! But I'm alway here in spirit!"

"I don't believe that anymore!" I told him.

"Yes you do!" David said, "Faith is what keeps you strong! Don't lose that. Besides if I'm here, isn't that proof in an afterlife or soul or whatever? You should be over the moon."

"This is all in my head," Matt said, "I know it."

"Maybe it is," David shrugged, "I saw Alex at her own funeral and still don't believe in religion because I know it just my grief-stricken mind finding a way for me to cope. What I believe isn't what you believe though."

"What difference does it make?" I asked.

"Keep the faith Matt! Keep the faith!"

****
"Matt?"

I opened my eyes to seen Riley next to me. She flung her arms around me and held me tightly into her body. I dropped my can and hugged her back, relishing the warmth of her body against mine. Whatever David had or hadn't been, he was right. I had so much to be grateful for.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You passed out," My wife replied, "Don't worry I didn't panic anyone as it was only a few minutes."

I smiled in relief, "I love you so much!"

"I love you too," She replied.

She pressed something metallic into my hand. I opened my hand to see my cross. I smiled before fastening it back on around my neck. She smiled. David, or whatever that was, was right. Now of all times was not time to lose the faith. I kissed my wife.