Fluke of Fate

39 : This time I wont stop you..

"Unloved.. Unwanted and uncared have become words that doesn't concern me anymore." Zella said walking towards the bed and sitting on it. "I was a mess but I liked being in this mess. I never knew what love is till I saw how you are with Ginny. You said Ginny was your sister's daughter and you took care of her and let her call you dad for me that's love. You broke the walls I had built to protect my heart for so long. I could never trust anyone to not hurt me, all my life all I have ever wanted to have someone to talk to, a friend.. But I was too scared to get close to anyone Nestle. Being in the diner when I was a kid, seeing lovers kiss, families laugh and enjoy their meal, growing old and still in love with one person is all a person needs. But I'm not sure that's what I want. You deserve so much more than what I can give you."

"Don't give me lame excuses Zella, I'm very sure about what I want and what I deserve. You tell me what you feel and want." Nestle said pulling the chair closer to the bed and sitting next to her but maintaining a comfortable distance between them.

"I don't know Nes, I don't know how it feels like when I fall in love, I don't know what you are supposed to say when you are standing in front of me and telling me that you love me, I'm not even sure you know me, I don't know how can you love someone you don't know." she said, she could see him frowning and he shook his head and sighed.

"Well then I hope you find the one you can fall in love with and not be scared to let him know what you really feel." Nestle said sitting back on the chair and resting his hands on his thighs.

"I don't think I can ever find what we have with any one else." Zella said truthfully.

"But you don't feel like its love?" Nestle asked the more she was speaking the more confusing all this was getting.

"I don't know Nes." Zella said looking away.

"This is what you always do and now this is sounding like bull shit to me!" Nestle said getting to the edge of the chair.

"Excuse me?" Zella asked.

"No you excuse me Zella." Nestle raised his voice and stood in front of her, made her stand and held her arms to make sure she listens to what he has to say and she doesn't walk off in between. "I have been waiting! God knows I have been waiting for you to come around but all you have done is push me away. The moment I feel like you are giving me a chance you just push me away with all you have and my heart is not that strong for you to keep hurting and pushing me away, you might be okay with not acknowledging your feelings but I am a simple guy. If I feel something for you I would like to share it with you and share every waking hours of the rest of my life loving you Zella. But its all too much for you, may be all this wasn't part of your plan, may be I am not good enough for you but that's a different thing if you don't feel what I want feel for you."
"You are hurting me Nestle." Zella said with tears welling up, she looked at his clenched hands that was around her arm. He loosened his grip and his eyes searched her, he never had the intentions to hurt her at least not physically, but now he had gone ahead and done that too and he felt miserable.

"That wasn't my intention Zella. I just.. All I wanted.. " he couldn't finish any of the sentence seeing her tears. He let his hands slid down hers and held her fingers for a while longer and then let go. He turned away and walked towards the window and looked out thinking why didn't he deserve to be loved back. Why was this happening to both of them?

"Are you scared?" Nestle asked softly.

"Terrified." Zella said honestly as she stood next to him and looked out of the window. The calm night was unaware that two people were finding comfort in the warm breeze that brushed their skin.

"But why?" Nestle asked after a while. "Don't you understand I'm never letting you go Zella, don't you believe me when I say that i want more than you being a caretaker for this family. Seeing how you are with Ginny and how she's with you I cant help but dream how it would be if you could be with me to take care of Ginny. I'm done Zella, I'm done with playing games. I'm done ignoring all these feeling I have for you. I'm sure about you, but I feel you are sure about me. I don't think you can look past the things I have done. I don't think you forgive me for what happened to your mother."