Housemates

Chapter 57

Mia was upset. Ellie looked at Mia, suddenly upset herself, wondering why getting dressed was so bad.

Ellie didn’t know what to do.

She had no idea what to do except ask, so she did.

“What’s wrong?” she said.

Mia looked at her.

“Something’s wrong,” Ellie said. “And I honestly don’t know what.”

Mia hesitated, then seemed to decide. “You weren’t about to sneak off or something, were you?” she said.

“Of course not,” Ellie said, surprised. She was actually surprised, and Mia seemed to be able to see that, and relaxed a little.

Only a little.

Mia still seemed upset, and Ellie was still a little worried about her.

Ellie looked at Mia and tried to work out what was wrong. Mia suddenly seemed too sensitive, too wary. She was looking at Ellie like she suddenly didn’t trust Ellie, like she thought she was be about to be hurt.

Ellie didn’t understand what had changed.

Mia had always been confident before, and when she wasn’t teasing or laughing, she seemed mostly indifferent to what Ellie did. Something had changed in the last few hours, and although Ellie didn’t know what, she assumed it had to be something to do with sex.

She didn’t know why sex would matter that much. Not to Mia, who’d done this before. She thought, and decided Mia must be worrying how Ellie would react. Ellie couldn’t think what else it would be. For some reason what Ellie thought right now mattered more than it had a day ago. When they were only flirting, Ellie decided, it had just been fun, and Mia didn’t especially care what Ellie thought of her. But now, she suddenly seemed to. Suddenly what Ellie thought mattered.

Ellie decided that had to be right. That had to be why. It felt right. She thought a little more.

It wasn’t during sex, Ellie thought, but after sex. If Mia had been worried during sex, it wasn’t obvious because they were both distracted. But once they finished, once they were done, then somehow things had gone back to how they’d been before, with Mia waiting to see if Ellie wanted her. They’d gone back to that, but gone back differently. Gone back in a way that meant Mia cared more, and could suddenly be hurt.

Mia could be hurt.

Ellie was having trouble with that idea. Mia always seemed confident and imperturbable, but suddenly she was being insecure. Insecure in a complicated, confused way, that perhaps she wasn’t even completely aware of herself.

Mia was being almost like Ellie.

Ellie wasn’t sure she liked what had happened. Not if it suddenly meant she could upset Mia, and hurt her, without meaning to, in such small ways. It wasn’t something Ellie thought she’d been able to do before, and it wasn’t something she wanted.

She didn’t know what to do.

She needed to say something, she decided. Something careful. She needed to be considerate, like Mia always had been to her.

Like Mia had been when she wasn’t teasing, anyway.

“I wasn’t sneaking off,” Ellie said. “I promise. I just thought you might want me to go, that all.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I probably should. It’s getting late.”

Mia nodded, and Ellie suddenly realized that might not have been the most considerate way to say it.

“Unless you want me to stay?” she said.

“Nah,” Mia said. “Go if you want. You’re probably right about it’s late.”

“You’re sure?” Ellie said, not completely certain.

“If you want to, you should,” Mia said, which wasn’t quite the same as yes.

“Hey,” Ellie said, and wanted to tell Mia not to be weird, to go back to being smug, and teasing, and confident.

She wanted to say that, but she suddenly changed her mind. Mia was looking at her, waiting, being odd, and Ellie didn't want to tease her the wrong way and upset her again.

Ellie tried to think of something else to say to finish the sentence.

It was late. She’d already wondered where Mia’s housemates were, since they didn’t seem to be around.

“Your housemates,” Ellie said. “Is everyone else at the pub or something?”

It was an odd thing to ask, but Mia just shrugged and said, “Probably. I asked them to clear off and give me some space.”

“Oh.”

“Give you some space.”

Ellie nodded. She’d understood.

“Thank you,” Ellie said, and Mia smiled.

“Are we okay?” Ellie said. “Are you okay?”

Mia looked at her, then nodded, and said, “Of course.”

There’d been a slight hesitation, though, Ellie thought. A little wariness.

Ellie didn’t know what to do. She should say what she felt, she thought. Just saying seemed to work better than thinking too much.

“Please don’t be weird,” Ellie said. “Please be okay with this.”

It sounded odd, and she worried for a moment, but then it seemed right after all. Mia didn’t answer, but she smiled, and came over, and sat on the bed, beside Ellie.

She sat, and looked a little more comfortable, like she wasn’t as upset.

Ellie put her hand on Mia’s back, and stroked gently, and Mia looked at her and smiled again, as if she was glad of the contact.

It was all terribly complicated, Ellie thought, but at least Mia was here.

Mia was here, and they were both trying, so they ought to be able to manage. And that was really what was important.