Housemates

Chapter 59

Ellie thought about Mia.

She thought about Mia as she lay in bed that night, falling asleep, happy. She thought about Mia first thing the next morning, still only half-awake, dreamy and dozy. She thought Mia while she showered, and while she made coffee, and she especially she thought about Mia as she decided what clothes to wear because she needed to hide the bruise on her neck. She used a floaty scarf she had at the back of her wardrobe and then had to change her shirt to go with it and wanted to be annoyed, but wasn’t.

She kept thinking about Mia.

She thought about Mia on her way to work, and at work, and all the way home.

She was thinking at lot, and she knew it was a lot, but mostly it wasn’t thinking in a bad way. It wasn’t obsessive fretting, the way she sometimes did. It wasn’t compulsive worrying. It was mostly just wondering, and remembering fondly, and wondering and worrying were really two quite different things.

She felt good about what had happened. She felt brave and smug and quite pleased with herself. She felt satisfied, utterly satisfied, like she hadn’t felt in months. She felt a little nervous too, in case she’d had more fun than Mia, or been more into it than Mia, and Mia wouldn’t like her as much now. That wasn’t an actually worry, though, just a concern. Something that could become a worry later on, if everything started to go wrong. It wasn’t yet.

She kept half-wondering if Mia would be in touch, and hoping Mia would. She didn’t know if Mia was someone who called the next day just to be polite, but she had a strange feeling not. She had a feeling Mia might not ring at all, not until she next felt like sex.

She had that feeling, and apparently she was right. Mia didn’t.

Ellie didn’t hear from Mia all day.

She went home, hoping Mia would be there with Mark, but Mia wasn’t, and neither was Mark.

Ellie was disappointed.

She was suddenly lonely too.

She stood at the front door, and looked at the empty, dark house, and wished there was someone around just to be happy with.

She switched on the lights, and put down her bag, and was quite surprisingly disappointed.

She’d almost decided, in her head, that Mia was going to be at there waiting, and it actually hurt that she wasn’t. It hurt stupidly. She was annoyed with herself for caring that much, especially about something she had no reason to expect to happen, and which she’d just made up.

She’d made it up, but she was still getting upset. She had to stop, before this got out of hand.

She felt a little odd. A little worried now.

She’d pretty much decided that she wasn’t going to play games with Mia. She probably couldn’t, anyway, even if she wanted to. She wasn’t very good at knowing the rules of all this, of who ought to ring who first and when they should, and she was almost certain those rules didn’t work with two women even if she had been. She wasn’t good at games, and also, she just didn’t want to be like that.

When she next saw Mia, or talked to Mia, she wanted to be honest. She’d pretty much decided she was just going to say that she’d liked what they’d done, and that she liked Mia, and she wanted to again.

That was all.

Just that, and then see what Mia said.

It was simple, and easy, and exactly right.

It was what she planned for when she next saw Mia. When she saw Mia, or talked to Mia, or when Mia called her.

But Mia hadn’t, and Ellie hadn’t either, and almost a whole day had passed.

Now Ellie was getting a little worried.

She wasn’t sure what to do.

She took off her jacket and her shoes and went and got a packet dinner out the freezer. She put it in the microwave, and watched it warm.

She ate frozen instant food too much, she thought, and ought to cook proper meals more often, but she knew she wouldn’t change. She never did, and that made her faintly irritated with herself. There were sensible reasons why she ate what she did. Cooking for one person was a waste of time, and cooking for two mostly would be as well, because Mark just wasn’t interested in eating properly. This was a house where cooking rosters would be a complete waste of time. There were reasons why Ellie never changed, but it still annoyed her about herself.

She watched the microwave buzz and spin, and wished Mia would call, and wondered why she hadn’t.

Enough time had passed that Ellie’s happy was wearing off. She was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with her, and whether Mia was trying to let her down gently, and this was a hint that Mia wasn’t interested.

Mia had seemed interested last night, but maybe she’d changed her mind. Maybe she thought Ellie was too much trouble.

Maybe she couldn’t be bothered.

It could be anything.

Maybe she didn’t have Ellie’s phone number.

Ellie stopped and thought, and suddenly realized that was right.

Mia didn’t have Ellie’s number, and Ellie didn’t have Mia’s, and Ellie had made that happen on purpose as part of her plan for them to meet dramatically the night before. They hadn’t had each other’s numbers then, and they still didn’t have them, because they hadn’t thought of it again. Because they’d been busy, Ellie supposed, and distracted, and because they knew each other so it seemed like it didn’t matter.

And it did matter now.

Now, it was a huge, huge problem. A terrible problem.

They couldn’t get in touch with each other, except through Mark, and right now, Mark wasn’t home.

Ellie had an awful feeling it was Mark’s social soccer night, which meant he wasn’t with Mia either. So while Ellie waited for Mia, Mia was probably was waiting for Ellie, and thinking the same kinds of things as Ellie was.

Ellie felt awful. She suddenly felt bad for Mia.

She hoped that was what it was, that Mia didn’t have her number.

She didn’t know what to do.

She looked around. She checked the notepad next to their house phone, in case Mark had written Mia’s number there, but he hadn’t. Or at least he hadn’t put Mia’s name beside it. She looked for Mark’s phone, in case he’d forgotten it when he left the house, but it wasn’t by the front door where he often dumped it with his keys, and she didn’t feel quite desperate enough to search his room yet. Or, for the matter, search the internet.

Either was a little creepy.

At least, it was now, when it was only the first day she hadn’t heard from Mia. She ought to wait a while before she got that stalkery.

She decided she had to wait. There really wasn’t much else to do.

She’d have to make herself wait.

She sat down on the couch and watched TV ferociously, randomly changing channels, trying to distract herself. It didn’t work because she couldn’t concentrate. She wasn’t paying attention to anything for more than a few minutes, so she couldn’t get involved and lose herself.

She thought about a drink, then decided it wasn’t a good idea to get drunk, and if she wasn’t careful, she would. One, she told herself, and she’d stop after that, and not any wine at all. She got one of Mark’s beers, and sipped at it, but it didn’t really help. It wasn’t strong enough to calm her down very much.

She watched TV, and stared hopefully at her phone, and almost got desperate enough to play one of Mark and Mia’s games. She would have, just to feel close to Mia, but she couldn’t work out how to turn the machine on.

So she waited.

Desperately.