After we went to Namjoon's burial, my friends or should I say Namjoon's friends but eventually become also mine, invited me to hangout with them a little longer, but I refused.
"Chaeyoung-ah, please come with us. Caging yourself in your room will do you no good. You need to at least loosen up. " My bestfriend, Jungkook, persuaded me.
"Kookie, I'm just not in the mood to go out. Maybe next time."
"Alright. Let me take you home then." He look at the other guys. "You guys go first. I'll take Chaeyoung home to make sure she's safe. Just text me where you are." They nodded then we went to his car and drove off.
"You sure you'll be alright here alone? I mean... I can ditch the guys so you can have someone to be with right now." He asked as soon as we arrived infront of my house.
"Kookie-ah.. I told you I'll be fine. You should go now. Don't worry about me. I won't do anything stupid. Promise." I smiled at him before unbuckling the seatbelt and goes out of the car.
I waved at him. "Drive safely, kay?" He nodded then drove off.
I entered our house and went straight to my room. I changed my clothes to a more comfortable one.
Here I am again, alone, in this four walls of my room, staring from afar, thinking of nothing. It's like my usual activity now, being unconsciously unconscious of what I'm doing.
Why is this series of events keep on happening to me? Am I cursed that everyone I love are one by one being separated from me? First are my parents. Now, Namjoon.
When my parents died from a plane crash, Namjoon was always there for me, he never left my side. He calms me down everytime I'm having nightmares about my parents. He's the one who made me look on the other perspective of life, to be happy again. Since then, he's my source of happiness, of strength.
Namjoon and I met because of Jungkook. Jungkook's my childhood friend. He introduced me to them and that's how I knew Namjoon. He's so kind not only to me but to every person around him. And that's what I like about him. He may look scary on the outside, but he's really a marshmallow inside. At first, it was all just pure admiration then it turned out to be love later.
I thought it's just a one-sided love, but I thought wrong. I never imagined that he also feels the same towards me. It was never hard to fall in love with Kim Namjoon.
But it was hard forgetting him.
Now that he's gone, I felt like everything disappeared with him, my happiness, my strength, my life.
How can I endure loneliness and sadness when the only person who can make me forget all of those are no longer with me? And there's no way he'll be coming back anymore.
My friends, especially Jungkook, always watches over me. They're my only family now. I live alone in the house now but sometimes, they go and visit or even stay for the night just to keep me company.
I'm glad to have them in my life. They never left my side, not even once. Also, Namjoon's parents are looking out for me. His parents and I are already close and they treat me like a family member.
I'm so glad that I have people like them in my life.
But still, nothing can replace my real happiness.
And those are my parents and Namjoon.
I went downstairs to prepare myself something to eat. I just grabbed an instant ramen in the cupboard and poured a glass of apple juice in my glass. I'm not feeling any hunger at this moment or any time soon, but I need to somewhat put something in my system.
After eating, I decided to put the trash out before going to bed. I gathered all the garbage in my trash bins, tied them up altogether then went out.
I gently put each garbage bag in the big bin located infront of the house. Before I went back inside, I stayed a little longer and stared at nothing in particular.
Just then, I saw something from afar.
I tried squinting my eyes to make it clearer.
But my eyes suddenly got big.
It is not something.
It's someone.
And the person looks familiar.
I stood there, observing the person. He's not moving, he just stood there staring back at me.
I took a step forward to take a closer look.
I gasped by the sudden realization that hit me.
He looks like Namjoon.
His physique, the way he dresses and that haircut... it's definitely him. I know it. I'm sure of it.
I took another step closer, trying to be as close as possible to him.
I walked towards him, not caring of anything around him. Why would I when the person I want to see which I thought I would never see again is now just within my reach so I won't let anyone or anything get in my way.
I'm almost there.
Namjoon-ah...
*honks*
A car suddenly appeared from nowhere, making me take a few steps backward. The car then passed by me just like that. I just shrugged it off and turned my attention back to where it was before.
But I immediately got disappointed.
He's already gone.
I looked left and right, hoping to see any trace of him, but I failed.
He disappeared, like a wind that just want to pass by, making want to feel its presence. He left without a warning, without even saying anything.
With a very disappointed feeling, I went inside and prepared myself to sleep.
Screw that car and the person inside it. If it wasn't for that, I should've held him, should've talked to him, should've hugged him tight. So tight that it feels like my life depends on it.
I wish to see him again. I don't care of what he looks like. I don't care if he's a ghost. I won't be scared. Never will I.
