You're Mine

1: The Big White House

The wheels of the car squealed as the pavement turned to gravel and in one quick motion, I was headed down the winding driveway towards the house of all my fondest childhood memories. I briefly gazed down at my ID that I had been unknowingly holding between my index and middle fingers through the entire drive here. I had used it so many times between boarding planes and confirming my identity with the car my mother ordered to deliver me here safely from the airport. My mind wandered to how different I was from the 15 year old girl in the photo. The past three years had brought so much pain and heartache that hardened me as a human being and aged me several years beyond the actual time that had passed. I didn't wear my hair in the short styled layers anymore, this version of me let my long brown waves fall naturally and preferred braids over curling irons or straighteners. In the same way, I didn't opt for the bright colored clothes like the orange shirt I had on in the ID photo, but rather neutral colors that kept me from standing out too much. And the makeup that I used to enjoy and spend hours watching tutorial videos for was often left untouched in my makeup bag with products I hadn't touched since I was 15 or 16.

The driver stopped when we reached the front of my mother's house. The familiar white siding and the wrap-around porch took me back to the days of sitting outside drinking sweet tea with my grandmother as a little girl. My parents used to send me here every summer to live with my grandparents during the busiest season of their work. My mother was a fashion designer for a major clothing company and she traveled frequently both in and out of the country. My father owned a company that produced and sold sports equipment and athleticwear out of my hometown in central California. I grew up believing that they were soulmates and their love was unbreakable, but I was wrong. My parents' ideas of marriage never were the same, even when they agreed to get married so many years ago. My mother dreamed of marrying someone she could build an empire with, someone who would work as much and as hard as her to generate wealth for our family of 3. My father though, he dreamed of marrying someone he could build a family with, someone who would make him feel seen and valued as a provider inside of a big family with lots of traditions. Neither of them would ever communicate their feelings though and it took me 18years to see the differences in their perspectives as an outsider looking in.

I stepped out of the car and within seconds of my boot hitting the gravel, my mother busted out the door with a face full of emotions. A smile instinctively overtook my face as it had been nearly two years since I had seen her and my heart ached for her as we always had such a close relationship. I often found myself daydreaming about how much easier the healing process over the last couple of years may have been if I had the listening ear and guiding voice of my mother to support me through it all.

"Rose, my precious Rose!" she exclaimed as she pulled me into the warmest hug I'd ever felt. "How was your trip? Was everything okay?" she asked while pulling away from me.

"Yeah, everything was perfect. Thank you so much for all your help," I said quietly as I looked into her sparkling eyes. It had been a while since I felt this loved by anyone, but especially my mother due to her absence.

I reached into the car and pulled out my suitcases. Dragging one in each hand, I stepped away from the car as my mother handed the driver a wad of cash that put a smile on his face. He pulled away and I stood before the big white house that would be my new home symbolizing my freedom after all this time with my father. It looked smaller than I remembered as flashbacks of running through the house rushed through my mind. My grandmother used to decorate each of the 5 unused bedrooms with different aesthetics and let me pick which room I would sleep in for the week.

"I am so excited for you to see the inside," my mother said, breaking my daze of childhood memories. "I've really been getting into the interior decorating here and I've honestly considered changing my career path and doing it full time for real estate companies so I can stay local," she explained as she grabbed one of my suitcases and opened the front door.