Rooftops - A Year In The Making

Chapter 7 - The truth

"Well, we used to live in a massive city house, I used to go to a private school and father used to have a really good job. He was a solicitor, and earned loads of money. Then one day I came home from school and he wasn't there, he was always there, met me at the bus stop and we walked home together. Mother sat me down and told me father had been sent to prison."

I wasn't really expecting that, I hadn't thought her father  separated for her because he is a criminal.  Shocked, but not judge mental, (I mean, who am I to judge) I manage to throw some letters together to form a word.
"Oh" I manage to say.

"He didn't do it!" She didn't exactly sound angry, more sadness than rage... Yet, it shocked me and I jumped a little.
"Oh my god, I'm really sorry Riley, I didn't mean too, please forgive me?"
Obviously I forgive her, who wouldn't. If I didn't have extreme anxiety I would probably done the same. I nod agreeing with her plea and look back at the tiles ahead of my folded legs which she takes as a sign to continue.

"He shouldn't have been taken away, apparently there was a scam at his law firm and the fugitives made it look like it was father's fault. It is very serious though, it was on the news and no-one is allowed to visit him. But I know it wasn't him." She looks at me to make sure I believe her and I do. "Anyway, they took a lot of our money to pay for it and in the end we had to sell the house, there were press everywhere and mum decided to move us here." She doesn't look as if she is finished but, also, she doesn't look like she wants to continue.

"Your turn!" I find it incredible how she can go from anger, to holding back tears, to her normal happy and excitable self so quickly.  Yet again, this girl continues to amaze me, and the smile now formed on her face doesn't show how much she hurts, how much she's been through.  In any other situation I would have made an excuse to run away again and not tell her.  But I needed too, I knew that.

"Ok" I say. Reluctantly I tell her the story of how there was arguing and we found out I wasn't related to him, obviously I missed out the part of the abuse. I don't think I can cope with the questions that would bring. I tell my story vaguely, not including all details and finish much quicker than Cass did with hers.

"Oh" She says, I was expecting more from her to be honest, she seems to want to talk about anything. But equally she seems understanding and I think realizes this isn't the right time. But she cant resist.. "Why don't you look for him?" She asks, cautiously as I'm a small dear shes scared of scaring away.
"Well I looked on Facebook and he isn't there, and anyway, if I do find him I cant really do anything there's no way mum will let him anywhere near me."

She looks down, sad for me and also thinking of a way to help.
"You've always got me" She says. I just nod.  A nod concealing a mountain of overlapping emotions.  I've got her? The comfort that brings, holds an equal amount of anxiety.

We've only been here for about an hour but it seems like ages, I feel a need to wash my hands again and start rubbing them, making the little blisters go red.It's silent on the roof, there's many silences between us. I wish I could talk, I wish I could interact like normal people, start a conversation about the sun beating down on us or the corn fields ahead. But I won't allow myself.

Then she sees my hands that I have been hiding underneath my long sleeves.
"Oh my God! What did you do!" She says taking my hands into her soft grip. The contacts sends shivers through my arms and I try to pull away at first, but she tightens her grip which still feels as soft as cushions against my damaged skin .
"I, um.. grazed them" I stutter.

"You really need to put some cream on this" She says running her long, tanned fingers along my hurt palms. Every touch, every movement feels so nice on my constantly red and sore hands. She looks into my eyes as she holds my hands in hers. And for the first time since we saw each other I stare back into her awaiting orbs.

Now I'm closer they appear not just blue, but a sea of magical colours. Blue mixed with green, shining in the sunlight. Her pink lip gloss mirroring her glimmering eyes. We just stare into each other. Again, not saying anything, just looking, deeply. But it gets too much for me. 'The emo' 'that weirdo'. I haven't looked into someones eyes since parents evening when I had to go by myself.

"I'm sorry, I... I have to go" I say getting up and making my way over to my window. She gets up as well, moving one pace closer to my window before stopping and watching me climb through.
"Wait!" I don't,
"Please stay"  ...I don't.

Tonight, like every other night, I cry myself to sleep. Why do I have to be like this? Why me? Why can't I be normal? All the questions floating around in my head make it worse. Making the tears come faster, until I roll over and pull up the corner of the mattress and stare at my escape as it glints in the moonlight shining into my window. The sharp edge offering pain that I believe I deserve over and over again. And once more, I let myself take the pains lead and engulf myself in it's outstretched arms.

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