Rooftops - A Year In The Making

Chapter 12 - The window

"But don't you wanna, write back?"  Cass says to my back as I continue to search for the film.
"Dunno"  I say not wanting to talk about it.  She sets the envelope down next to me and sits on the other side.  The film starts and the sound fills the room, I turn it down although its only a low volume.  Just after that, Cass reaches over and turns it up again.  I look over to her where she is doing puppy dog eyes.  I smile and look back to the film.

Th letter continues to play with my emotions from the corner of my eyes, did she blackmail him into giving her money, and saying it was for me?  What if he said he would, if she allowed him to see me?  That crossed my mind more than one, hope rearing it's truthless head getting me excited.  There was so many things I could do with the address, I could write to him, I could go there, no, I couldn't do that.  Did he stay close to me just in case?  Has he moved in with someone else, is he still single, does he have children? I'd always told him I wanted a little brother or sister to play with, but mum had never agreed.  I know he wanted one though, he loved kids.  Overthinking, again.

10 minutes in she puts a long graceful arm around my bony shoulders.  Since that hug we haven't even high-five'd.  Contact still hard for me.  I shift uncomfortably where I am and she removes her arm, obviously worried about how shes making me feel.  I feel scared, sad for her.  She deserves better than me, and like everything about me, she sees it.  She playfully ducks her head so it is in front of mine on the little bed.

"It's alright Riles, I'm not going anywhere.  You're mine, I'm the luckiest girl in the world"  We hadn't actually spoken about being 'together' together, and that thought scared me, but simultaneously brought so much joy I could hardy contain myself.

I look at her and smile, her beautiful face smiling back at me.
"I'm the lucky one."

We continue to watch the film, her words filling my head, blocking the dialogue from the film.  We sit for another quarter of an hour in silence, sometimes Cassy quoting memorable bits of the movie and giggling along to it.

My mind starts to wonder about how I wish I could give this beautiful creation more than I do, and with my ever growing confidence, fueled by her.  I slip my hand around her wrist, pulling it towards me then snaking it around my back.  The best feeling in the world fills me as I lean my head against her warm shoulder and feel her beautiful smile once again, without having to see it.  Her arm is soft, gentle, and smooth on my cloth covered skin and helps so much more than it hinders.

The last bit I can remember is a song, perfectly backed up by Cassy's singing.  Her head bobbing away happily, mine grew closer to hers and drifted off into a sleep a few minutes afterwards.

~~~Two Hours Later~~~

"What the fuck is going on here!"  Cass must have fallen asleep too as she groans when the light seeps into her half opened eyes.  Mine are wide open, staring at mum in shock, embarrassment and fright, who is staring at this.

"It's  not what it looks like"  Is all I manage to leave my lips, which shut again swiftly after wards, realizing how cliche and a bad thing to say that was.
"Ummm, hi Mrs Cartwrite" Cass says in a morning voice, despite the fact the clock on my wall reads just past 11 at night.
"Don't hi me, get out!"  Cass just sits there, still adjusting to the situation, the monster stood in front of her and the vile comments and spit coming from her stained lips.  "Come on!"  She shouts louder, more desperate to see her leave.  Cassy reaches the other side of the bed and hauls her self off, in her ever graceful manor, pressing her feet to the floor and standing taller than my mother.

"And say goodbye to your... friend.  You won't be seeing her again."  Cass stops at the doorway, obviously scared for me.  I can tell she would say something but I just slowly shake my head to stop her, it's not worth it, I know that.
"I love you"  She mouths, I can't hear it but it's there, visible to me but not my mother, who's back is facing the girl.  A single tear rolls down my cheek to which my mother sighs and lefts her hand to her brow, wiping beads of sweat from her face, probably caused by climbing the stairs.

"I ain't gunna kill ya!  Now get out till I kill yer lil fuck buddy!"  She manages to make every word louder than the last, somehow approaching me without moving her feet.

Cassandra disappears through the door and I where I should hear footsteps down the staircase I hear cat like touches to the bare floorboards.  Then a click of the front door and another as the handle returns the horizontal position,  she's gone.

Then mother turns to me, I notice the envelope there and tuck it under my pillow quickly.  Her eyes aren't fast enough to catch on.  But they do travel to the window above me which is slightly ajar from when Cass came in earlier.
"Go and get some wood, nails and a hammer." Her face doesn't move from the window as though she is cursing it from inside, unlike her to refrain from words I slip off the bed and follow Cass' journey down the stairs but turn left, and make my way to the long forgotten shed outside.

She doesn't do it herself, she probably doesn't know how.  Instead she makes me nail the planks of wood in 4 bars across my window, I try to do as bad a job as I can, but she'll know if they come off, or if I've done it again.  She'll know.  And she'll probably be checking everyday, my haven interrupted by the monster.  The monster of my own home.